Walkoff Walk

After spending the day fêting your mother/grandmother/stepmother/surrogate mother/television, please enjoy tonight's nationally broadcast ESPN game featuring the Boston Red Sox and the Minnesota Twins. Old knuckleballer Tim Wakefield takes the mound for the Sox while youngster Nick Blackburn will do his best to protect the Baggiedome from hot hitting Kevin Youkilis.

Tomorrow, get ready for some weekend recaps and prepare thyself for a week full of interleague previews.

That's a huge lie. We'll probably forget about that interleague stuff until Friday. Whoops!

Here's some of what happened last night while you were kicking your feet up and having your boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate/mom bring you goddamn beer.

• Cubs 3, Snakes 1: Ted Lilly was TGIFucking awesome, striking out 10 and only allowing 2 BB and 3 hits. The southpaw also drove in a run, which he decribed thusly: "I think he threw it right into my swing." Indeed. Derrek Lee had a ding dong.


• Indians 6, Blue Jays 1: C.C. Sabathia and Roy Halladay were dueling until Cleveland hung all 6 of their runs in the seventh. Vernon Wells somehow hurt his wrist and his hamstring.


• Brewers 4, Cardinals 3: Despite just having been violently raped by a wallaby, Rickie Weeks knocked in a 2 run walkoff single to beat Jason Isringhausen and the Cardinals. Good, I hate the Cardinals.


• Yanks and Sawx both lawst. I don't wanna hear it, BC Twins Fan.

TODAY: The Tigers and Yankees are on Fox, which means Buck and McCarver will be extra insufferable. Now with 30% more "intangibles"... Maddux goes for 350 again, against Colorado... The Phils have to hit off Timmy Lincecum... Scott Kazmir tries to get back on track against the Angels... HOPEFULLY IT STOPS RAINING IN THE NORTHEAST.

What'd I miss? What are you doing? Let your fellow WoWies know in the cmntz. Have a good Saturday.

Hey kids. Check out your local purveyors of fine televised baseball this weekend and find out:

• WHICH hot AL West team will continue to notch the wins? Will it be Josh Hamilton (pictured, left) and his Texas Rangers, fresh off a sweep of the miserable Mariners or the Oakland Athletics, winners of four in a row?


• WILL the Twinkies figure out a way to put some runs on the board against the hot pitching rotation of the Boston Red Sox? Hint: no.


• CAN the Braves figure out a way to win more than four road games? It won't be too hard; they're going to Pittsburgh.


• HOW awful is the timing that the Phillies are traveling to San Francisco just in time for Jimmy Rollins to make his triumphant return to shortstop? Awful enough that poor Eric Bruntlett's family won't get a chance to see the kid play.


• WHY am I answering all my own rhetorical questions?

We owe an entire pallet-ful of Cokes to commenter star Farthammer for emailing us that awesome picture of Josh Hamilton wearing a Ron Washington t-shirt. Enjoy your weekend, watch some baseball, and tune in Saturday and Sunday to read some CTC recaps.

Breaking news: the San Diego Padres have released veteran outfielder Jim Edmonds after just 26 games. Edmonds was batting just .178 and was as slow as molasses in center field. Let the Chase Headley era commence!

(we owe a Coke to Gaslamp Ball)

In what has become a great Friday afternoon tradition at Walkoff Walk, I bring you this bit of classic television featuring Johnny Carson interviewing Bob Uecker. Let us pause for a moment and ponder exactly how Mr. Uecker, who played for just six seasons and batted .200, was ever considered a major television star. (Insert introspective pause here). Okay, well believe it or not, Bob Uecker spent five seasons playing the wacky dad in the TV show Mr. Belvedere, which was a mockumentary about a Polish vodka entrepreneur. He also made 64 (!) guest appearances on The Tonight Show, more than Joan Embery and Charles Nelson Reilly combined. Please to enjoy:

(via the Classic Television Showbiz blog)

OUCH I'M A MAJOR LEAGUE BALLPLAYER AND I HAVE A BOOBOO AND I WANT SOMEONE TO BRING ME A JUICE BOX WHILE I WATCH THE WIGGLES AND I CANT PLAY TODAY BECAUSE I HAVE AN OWWIE.

• Esteban Loaiza, Dodgers: Loiza went on the DL with tightness and spasms in his shoulder. He should have had Regis rub some Aspercreme on it. Anyway there's some speculation that this could open the door for a Clayton Kershaw call-up. Squeeeee!


• Pat Neshek, Twins: Neshek strained his elbow. There was some confusion after an initial report quoted him as saying "it snapped." I guess it didn't snap or anything or but they're goin.....zzzzzzzzzzz. Anyway I hope it's not serious. I have a hard time disliking a guy that trades baseball cards with readers on his message board.


• Rickie Weeks, Brewers: Raped by a wallaby.


• David Eckstein & John McDonald, Blue Jays: Both infielders landed on the DL this week with a strained hip flexor and a sprained ankle, respectively. According to the Canadian Press, "General manager J.P. Ricciardi said he has "some irons in the fire" to bring in a player from outside the organization, widely expected to be a hitter who excels against left-handed pitching. He also won't give up a player from the big-league roster to get him." I think it's Tony Fossas. Wait I got that all wrong. It's Brad Wilkerson.

• 2:20, Snakes at Cubs: Day baseball at Wrigley with a rematch of last year's NLDS. The unemployed 15% of Chicago will see Dan Haren take on Ted Lilly. The Diamondbacks have a 3.5 game lead in the West and the Cubs are 1 game back in the Central.

Hey commenters, any moments from your storied athletic career you'd like to avenge? It can be little league, pickup games, office wastebasket shooting, whatever. Let us know below Commenter Participation Friday Comments Box of Comments.

Today's Classic TV Friday post brings us back to the halcyon days of an innocent America. A PSA didn't contain horrifying pictures of strung out meth heads or teen prostitutes, but instead urged our nation's youngsters not to mess with stray blasting caps. Hey kids, see this thing that looks like a bomb? Well it is a fucking bomb and here's Willie Mays to tell you about it:

If you thought Carlos Gomez' cycle earlier this week was good, wait until you read about what Colorado high school baseball player Jobi Wall did:

   "A senior right-hander, Wall struck out six batters and retired 15 in a row in a five-inning, 18-0 victory over Coal Ridge. At the plate, the left-handed hitter tripled, singled, doubled, then homered in only four innings.

    "I was kind of aware of it, then it happened," said Wall, who is 6-feet-6, 205 pounds and also plays shortstop when not pitching. "My teammates were very supportive. Everything went right and I got a lot of lucky bounces."

Wow! He pitched a perfect game and hit for the cycle in the same game. Not even Micah Owings could do that given a million chances. Also, Owings' arm would fall off after about 2,000 tries, so that would hinder him somewhat.

Wall is a senior at Faith Christian High School. Let's see...he goes to a school called "Faith Christian", plays baseball, and lives in Colorado. He must be a Cardinals fan!

Watch as Richie Sexson charges the mound after Kason Gabbard throws a pitch at his head, sparking a riotous brawl between the Seattle Mariners and Texas Rangers:

Oh shit no, that pitch was nowheres near his head. And yet Sexson charged the mound, threw his helmet, and tackled Gabbard, probably sending the dainty pitcher back to the disabled list. Maybe all this renewed energy by the Mariners will fill the seats. Or...maybe not.

(via Bugs & Cranks)