Chipper Jones Chimes In; Nobody Notices

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The Mets-Phillies rivalry is the new Yankees-Red Sox rivalry, except with poorer fans. After the Mets' epic September collapse and the Phillies' fizzled playoff run against the Rockies in 2007, both teams have a hard-on for shedding past failures and strutting about like cock-of-the-2008-walk. Way too much hullabaloo has been made since the start of spring training what with Carlos Beltran and Jimmy Rollins going back and forth about which team will reign supreme this season. Well, National League East fans, Chipper Jones feels left out:

"I really don't care what's being said," he said. "The Phillies and the Mets know we'll be competitive. They know we'll be heard from."

That's it? Chipper? You'll be 'competitive' and 'heard from'? Have you actually read the promises Messrs. Beltran and Rollins have made so far? Let me rank the statements in order, from most cocksure to least:

  1. Carlos Beltran: "We are the team to beat."
  2. Jimmy Rollins: "There isn't a team in this division or the National League that's better than us"
  3. Henry Rollins: "We're gonna rise above"
  4. Sonny Rollins: "When I have a particularly good performance, I know it."
  5. Chipper Jones: "We'll be heard from"

Even the Mark Teixeira fanboys have more bravado than Chipper Jones. Even the miserably hot Snorg Tees girl has bigger grapes than Chipper Jones. Even Bobby Cox' Nubian harem has more confidence than Chipper Jones (and so they should...rawr!)

Chipper, since you are an experienced blog commenter, please give us a few stronger words on this matter.


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14 Comments

Rob, you should get Chipper a Deadspin invite.

Rawlings: We have a better product than Wilson or Spalding.

Andruw Jones: "I'm not in the NL East anymore, but could you please pass me another Dodger Dog"

Chipper than guaranteed the the Braves win over 60 games, AND have an All Star representative.

Lou Rawls: the United Negro College Fund puts the Thurgood Marshall Scholarship Fund to shame.

Carlos AirTran: I'm pretty good if JetBlue is booked.

Afterwards, Henry, Jimmy, and Carlos all sat down and had a TV party...with a 6-pack.

Wait I thought commenting on the Snorg Tees girl was banned...

Any Royal: "We only get paid if we show up, so I'll probably be there."

Jim Bowden: "I get paid either way, right?"

I would say "great site - love the content and writing," but only losers spend all their time commenting at multiple sites, right Drew?

Fuck. Back to masturbating for me.

i just found out that the snorg girl is from marietta... and i currently live in marietta. for some deeply depressing reason that makes me feel sort of famous. i think i need to back away from my computer now.

thanks for stuffing your posts with links that make me feel pathetic.

RC Cola: We exist in the soft drink market.

Saturn: "We'll produce cars this year."

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