Marlins Get New Stadium; Now Insist Fans Lose Weight, Take Them Somewhere Nice Once In Awhile

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2-6-5 thief 420.gifAfter years of begging, pleading, threatening and whatever else it took not to shoulder the financial burden themselves, the Florida Marlins finally got approval for a new stadium to be built on the site of the currently 'splodin Orange Bowl. The numbers break down so heavily in the Marlins' favor it has to be considered another victorious fleecing for that clown, Jeffrey Loria.

Of the proposed $550 million cost, Miami Dade county puts up an initial payment of $382 million, while receiving virtually no revenue from the stadium once it's built. After that, the city is then responsible for the construction of a $94 million parking garage. The Marlins have a $120 million payment out of pocket, which coincidentally, is the same amount of money Jeffrey Loria received for putting the Expos up for slaughter.

Holding the team ransom for a $450 million gift from taxpayers has been the M.O. in South Florida for more than one ownership, but it seems even more unsavory with Loria's filthy fingers on the public money. On top of it, some of the quotes are downright infuriating.

"What happened [Thursday] is the final elimination of uncertainty surrounding our franchise," team president David Samson said. "This date, Feb. 21, 2008, is the day the Miami Marlins are permanently saved in South Florida. Period. There is no more discussion."

Do you see the implications there, South Florida? Every time the Marlins wanted to move it was your fault. Now that you've wised up and diverted some money to them you will be spared the fate of those poor francophone saps without a baseball team in Montreal.

Much like belief in any savior, the stadium logic rests on a big leap of faith. As someone who lived in South Florida for a couple of years, I know how badly that team needed a new place to baseball in. But, I also have a hard time buying that moving the team even further south will do anything to boost attendance once new stadium nostalgia wears off. Is there a huge crop of baseball fans that were skipping games because of the 20 minute drive up the Turnpike? I never met any.

But enough out of me, let's see what other people think!

"It's going to be nice," outfielder Josh Willingham said Friday at spring training. "It's going to be for us. It's going to have a retractable roof and all the stuff that comes with it."

Uh... well put, Josh. When the reporter left I imagine Josh continuing, "We will play baseball there. It will be on earth."

What about you, super old timey Macon Telegraph columnist Coley Harvey?

"True, retractable roofs will allow games to go on without delay. But isn't it part of the joy of baseball to sit through rain delays of indeterminable lengths, sticking around sometimes for hours at a time to finally watch play resume(?)"

I agree! By the way, what's the deal with anesthesia? I want to feel the open heart surgery!

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Coley Harvey actually sends his columns in via telegraph.

dear Jeffrey: I like a little foreplay before I get fucked.

Now we'll have somewhere to hang that Chuck Carr jersey.

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