Sophomores Hit With SI Cover Jinx; Touched Where They Pee by Luis Polonia

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Last season, newcomers Ryan Braun, Troy Tulowitzki, and Justin Upton all made noise in their debut seasons with, respectively, winning a Rookie of the Year award, helping his team win a League Championship, and...uh...being the youngest player in the National League. As they enter their sophomore seasons, expect all three to go to shit 'cause they're gonna be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

Yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as the SI Cover Curse. Remember Matt Williams on the cover in June '95, a mere three days before breaking his foot? Remember Mo Vaughn on the cover four months later, right before going 0-for-14 in the Indians' three-game sweep? And who can forget the Princess Diana cover in August of 1997?

So please expect wacky stuff to happen to these three gents. Let me put on my speculatin' hat and wager some guesses: Mr. Tulowitzki will shoot himself in the thigh while cleaning his revolver, Mr. Braun will get run over by an out-of-control seven-person bicycle, and Mr. Upton will get drunk at the San Diego Zoo, get lost in the sun bear forest, and get torn to shreds.

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Princess Diana: That bitch could swing!

The only 2nd year player I'm really eager to see is Elijah Dukes. He's so insane I think he would whip Milton Bradley's ass and take over the crown of league nutcase. At least the Washington Nationals like him as a 3rd or 4th outfielder. Talk about consistency. Who wouldn't want him?

Messrs. Braun, Tulowitzki and Upton would we wise to decline that invite to Jamaal Tinsley's Birthday Strip Club Bash.

DiceK was on the cover last year. How'd that work out?

@ Slothrop

It had a ton of mistakes and took forever to read, but ultimately it was ok. I'm just not sure I should have paid $30 for it.

CTC was on the cover of Modern Bride last November.

Slight correction: people get torn to shreds at the SF zoo; not San Diego. Those tigers may have killed those drunk teenagers, but they looked fabulous doing it!


if you're scared of those tigers, stay the fuck away from Miguel Cabrera while he's feeding.

actually the SI curse and like curses are just examples of Regression Towards the Mean

my sophmore curse was hairy palms

bigger jinx ? SI cover or Madden cover ?

What would happen if they put Mike Hampton on the cover? Would the universe explode?

@ UU

I'm gonna go with "Pissing Off Endora On Bewitched Jinx."

But in all honesty, if you're a jinx believer, I think you have to go with Madden for it's higher jinxing %.

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