Surprise! Jose Guillen is a Dick

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Noted substance abuser, alleged HGH user, and admitted tattle-tale Jose Guillen showed up to Royals' training camp in Surprise, Arizona today wearing a hilarious black curly wig. He's got the same affinity for disguises as Clinton Portis with absolutely none of the charm and even less of the public trust.

Hell, the Royals are Guillen's ninth team in twelve seasons as a major leaguer; he pisses off more general managers, owners, teammates, opponents, batboys, trainers, peanut vendors, fans, announcers, ushers, and groupies than Albert Belle did in his entire career. The only ones who seem to like Guillen's antics? The sportswriters. Check it out:

Jose Guillen, in his first Spring Training get-together with reporters, went for the laughs. Guillen breezed through his first workout with the Royals on Tuesday and then donned a dark, curly, '70s-style wig for a mass interview. His eyes must have been dancing behind the sunglasses he wore over his wide grin. "This used to be my hair. I just decided to put it on. Somebody did this to me. [David] DeJesus told me to wear it for you all," Guillen said. "He told me, 'I bet you cannot wear this out there.' I said, 'All right, you lose already -- 50 bucks.' "

"Oh Jose, you so crazy with that wacky wig!" Yecch. So how is Guillen endearing himself to his new teammates and fans?

Guillen caused a stir at the Royals FanFest in January when he objected to playing left field, the spot projected for him all winter by [new manager Trey] Hillman. That was quickly addressed, and now Hillman sees Guillen playing right field with Mark Teahen switching to left.

Um, it's not too late to go back to Japan, Trey. Maybe you can take Rany with you.

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MyFox Kansas City has video that I was too dumb to embed.

I fooled around frequently during my four years of college with a girl that gave Jose the funnyman oral pleasure on at least one occasion. Looks-wise, she was not the type of girl you'd expect any major-leaguer (even Jose) to be associated with.

Now that I see this story...I feel even worse about being associated with him in any way.

It's ok to talk about that stuff here, Francois. This is a safe place. I once dated a girl that revealed to me she had fucked Jeremy Schaap. I can never wash that off.

Wait a minute Francois: I also fooled around frequently with a gal who also once pleasured Jose Guillen.

This wasn't in Washington DC was it? She was a solid 7, certainly not the type of broad I'd expect to pull if I were a big-leaguer. She got nekkid faster than any girl I've been with before or since though...

Apparently Guillen was always calling her and whatnot. Definitely a five-tool asshat.

Jose Guillen is no Mrs. Jose Lima.

That's weird, I use Jose Guillen as my alias when I travel to places like D.C. and various college towns.



Nah, it was at Penn State...for any of you that might be familiar with these types, she was a member of the NatPack...just maybe a 7 on her best day...overall a 6 probably.

Literally she was just the drunken go-to hookup for me at school. I didn't find out about the Guillen connection til a bunch of her acquaintences started referring to her as "Jose" when she wasn't around. When I asked why, the kid responding to me started with, "Dude I hope she's not your girl but..."

That ring a bell?


Jeremy Schaap? OUCH.

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