There Will Be Burrell

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Today marks the official start of exhibition games for our favorite baseball teams in Florida and Arizona and to kick it all off, your favorite new baseball blog is going to live glog a game. No, not Big League Stew, you idiot. Your pal Rob is going to live glog the Phillies-Reds game right here at Walkoff Walk.

New AARP member Jamie Moyer will start for the Phillies at their training facility in Clearwater. Dusty Baker's Reds counter with Jeremy Affeldt, who gave up a home run to Ryan Howard in the NLDS last season and was once a Royal. Come back at 1:05PM and follow my first ever attempt to live-glog something on the radio.

Hey pal! The liveglog is happening after the jump!

1:03PM - Someone just sang the National Anthem. I remained seated.

1:06PM - The Phillies are starting their regulars today including Rollins, Utley, Howard, Burrell and Victorino. Quelle lineup!

1:07PM - Also in the lineup: Geoff Jenkins, Carlos Ruiz, DH Wes Helms and Pedro Feliz. They can't all be mashers. (insert trombone noise)

1:08PM - It's only 52 degrees in Clearwater? And the Phillies are wearing blue tops. The man on the radio told me that. Hey, it's Harry Kalas! (note: it may not be Harry Kalas but he's the only Phillies announcer I know)

1:09PM - Jamie Moyer struck out Ryan Freel to lead off the game. No telling how Farney feels about that quite yet.

1:11PM - Reds go down 1-2-3 as newcomers Pedro Feliz and Geoff Jenkins made solid defensive plays. Moyer is happy with a five minute half-inning so he can empty his colostomy bag quicker.

1:14PM - The radio I am using is an XM PCR, which is a USB device connected to my work computer. I'm receiving the satellite signal, not the internet feed so I have an actual antenna pointed towards the southwest sky. I picked up this awesome device for $50 a few years back. Want one? Fuck you.

1:16PM - Yeah it's awesome. XM Radio broadcasts every single baseball game AND they have Rob Dibble and Kevin Kennedy doing a talk show. Winner!

1:17PM - In other news, the Phillies went down 1-2-3 in the bottom of the first. Sigh.

1:19PM - Allegedly, there's an Edwin Encarnacion nowadays. He done got struck out by Papa Moyer. Shame!

1:21PM - Dusty Baker must be pleased with his Reds so far. None of his hitters are clogging the bases.

1:24PM - Someone named Bruce got a single. I swear I have no idea who this is, but the Reds traded Josh Hamilton because they have faith in Bruce.

1:26PM - Third base gentleman Jeff Keppinger flied out to end the 'threat'.

1:27PM - XM comes back from the break with Weezer. Not bad.

1:29PM - Affeldt threw one over Ryan Howard's head; he responded by knocking a double over Ryan Freel's head. Heads up in Clearwater LOLROFFLESZOMG

1:31PM - Mike Schmidt is the honorary third base coach. He's in tears as Pat Burrell grounds a infield single and RyHo proceeds to third. It's okay Schmitty!

1:32PM - It was "Islands in the Sun". Not that one in Rock Band.

1:34PM - Geoff Jenkins gets the first RBI of the spring by...grounding into a double play, naturally. Hey, XM just went to commercial. There's only two outs, Dibble!

1:37PM - Oh they're back from commercial just in time to hear Wes Helms ground out. Thanks for nothing, XM.

1:40PM - YouTube doesn't have video of Mike Schmidt crying so you'll just have to imagine it.

1:40PM - The Reds' designated hitter is Andy Green. Played in Japan last year. Only 18 games. He is anonymous to us all and grounds out to Rollins.

1:42PM - Either Jamie Moyer is made of magic or the Reds eat donkey tush. He threw 3 innings of one-hit ball with three strikeouts. Yay springtime!

1:44PM - Another good thing about XM is that they play the local feed so you get local commercials. Right now I just learned about insurance in Quakertown, PA. How educational!

1:45PM - Former Yankee former Giant former everything Jim Brower is in to pitch for the Reds now. I have nothing to add to that. He's 35.

1:47PM - If the NL uses the DH in spring training to protect the pitcher and to reduce double-switches, why don't they just use it during the regular season too?

1:48PM - Brower sent the shitty part of the Phillies' lineup down 1-2-3. Expect more of that in the future, Phils fans.

1:51PM - Travis Blackley is your new Phillies pitcher, Jayson Werth is your new Phillies centerfielder, and the San Diego Chicken is your new Phillies Phanatic.

1:52PM - Brandon Phillips was a 30-30 guy for the Reds last year. Remember when 30-30 meant something? Then Howard Johnson had to go fuck it all up.

1:54PM - A 1-2-3 inning for Mr. Blackley, who will later rank the worst-dressed peanut vendors.

1:57PM - XM came back late from the break so I have no idea who the new pitcher and catcher are for the Reds. So I'm gonna go with Rob Dibble and Johnny Bench. Chase "Puppy Dog Tasty Kake" Utley leads off.

1:58PM - Reds' left fielder Norris Hopper nearly misplays an Utley fly ball. Those wacky rookies! Oh, he played 131 games for the Reds last year? Hmm...

2:00PM - The Reds' new pitcher's last name is Burton. I'm gonna guess his first name is Lance because he magically got Ryan Howard out. Zing!

2:02PM - Pat Burrell struck out looking to end the inning. This is not really newsworthy.

2:03PM - Eagles placekicker David Akers is in a commercial for Thomas Jefferson University Heart Care. As a new Eagles fan who saw Akers doink at least three field goals this year, I can attest that this makes sense.

2:06PM - I'm lost. There's one out in the top of the fifth but Greg Dobbs and So Taguchi are in the game, at first base and left field respectively. Did you know that Phillies' manager Charlie Manuel coached in Japan for a few years? He can talk to the Asian folk I suppose.

2:08PM - The second most exciting play so far: Blackley picks off Keppinger at first base. The third most exciting play will be when the game ends and I can take a nap.

2:11PM - The radio guy says that Geoff Jenkins looks like Randy Wolf. He then announces the Reds' fielding changes and I recognize exactly zero names.

2:13PM - Geoff Jenkins hits a double and Pedro Feliz follows with his own double, driving Randy Wol...errr, Geoff Jenkins in. Two-nil Phils.

2:17PM - Majewski throws a wild pitch and Feliz advances to third. He's got Wes Helms in a full count and...Helms grounds out to first without getting the run in. You're the worst designated hitter ever designated, Wes.

2:19PM - Catcher Carlos Ruiz cleans up Helms' mess and singles in Feliz. Three to nothing Phillies.

2:21PM - Somebody named Eric Bruntlett, who came over in the Lidge deal (or I guess maybe Lidge came over in the Bruntlett deal) singles. Thanks dmac!

2:22PM - Passed ball. Yay, springtime! Jayson Werth bloop singles Ruiz home. 4-0 Phils.

2:24PM - So Taguchi is starring in a new teen drama called "My So-Called Name". He singles home Bruntlett and the Phillies are up 5-0. Dusty Baker comes out to make a pitching change and....HE'S ABANDONED HIS CHILD!

2:30PM - Greg Dobbs hits a three run home run off an unknown Reds pitcher and this has officially turned into a blowout. If it goes to 10-0, I'm turning the liveglog off due to the Mercy Rule. Mercy on your gloggers, y'all!

2:32PM - Inning's over and I heard a commercial for deli meat that implored me to "share the goodness". Fella, I always share the goodness of my meat.

2:35PM - Regarding my lack of familiarity with the Reds: I follow baseball pretty closely. I know the players on most teams and I know their prospects' names. I know managers' names and I try to follow transactions. However, fuck the Reds because (a) they suck and (b) they're from Cincinnati and (c) Marge Schott's corpse is still in charge.

2:38PM - To prove my point, the Reds go down 1-2-3 for yet another inning. Travis Blackley is the new black. Ley.

2:41PM - Peter Abraham was liveblogging the Yankees' intrasquad game over at his LoHud page until he fell into a nacho coma. I feel your pain, Pete!

2:44PM - Here's a link to the boxscore of the game if you actually, you know, want to know what happened in the game. Wes Helms ended the sixth inning. You stink, Wes.

2:49PM - Please enjoy this LOLCat.

2:51PM - Gary Majewski was so bad, even the Nationals didn't want him anymore.

2:53PM - The Reds are missing Ken Griffey and Adam Dunn today so third baseman Adam Rosales provides the power by knocking a solo home run into someone's picnic basket. Seriously, y'all.

2:54PM - Seventh inning stretch! I'm going to take a whiz.

2:57PM - Bruntlett led off the bottom of the 7th with a double and yes, I warshed my hands.

3:01PM - Three outs later and we're headed towards the eighth. I can smell the ending already! (spoiler: Dusty Baker was dead the whole time)

3:03PM - For some reason, my XM switched to channel 45, XM Cafe. Hey, the BoDeans! I love the nineties!

3:06PM - Greg Dobbs just scooped a low throw from Bruntlett for the out and then pitcher Carlos Carrasco speared a line drive that almost took his noggin clear off. Translation: nothing is going right for the Redlegs today. Except that picnic basket thing.

3:10PM - I'm going to make roast chicken for dinner tonight so here is my shopping list: chicken, garlic, shallots, thyme, pancetta.

3:12PM - Phillies play the Yankees on Saturday afternoon; what are the chances I can catch a cheap flight to Florida? I want to boo Wes Helms in person!

3:14PM - The Phillies website is mentioned, and we're treated with this gem: "With those browser technologies, they can probably bring up the homepage without the double-u double-u double-u," says Harry Kalas. And now they're talking about routers. Brilliant.

3:17PM - Clare probably would want me to use baconpants instead of pancetta. Done and done. The eighth inning is mercifully over. Onto the ninth!

3:20PM - Ryan Madson is in. He will either close out the game or die trying. One out and one on right now. Reds now have four hits on the day.

3:23PM - Eric Bruntlett turns a magnificent double play (I am taking Harry's word for it) and this game is D-U-N done. Bruntlett is my MVP for the day because I learned who he is.

3:26PM - The game was a mere two hours and twenty minutes long, and yet I feel as though I've ran a marathon with a piano strapped to my back. Or, I feel like Frank Thomas.

3:30PM - Your final score in Clearwater was 8-1 Phillies over the Reds. It's back to XM Cafe for me and...hey! Big Head Todd and the Monsters have a new album!

3:44PM - As per Enrico at the 700 Level, today's announcers were Scott Franzke and Larry Anderson, and not Harry Kalas and Harry Kalas' doppelganger.

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Your pal Rob is going to live glog the Phillies-Reds game right here at Walkoff Walk.

All ten of us are ecstatic.

God, you're so banable.

Is that a grapefruit, or Kevin Millwood's upper lip

Is that a grapefruit, or Kevin Millwood's upper lip?

Don't tell me my comment failed, and then post it anyway. Makes me look like an asshole when I re-post. Well that and my shitty comments.

Farthammer is always forgiven.

"Do something."

"Yeah, or get the fuck off the stage!"

Pedro Feliz out with the clap?

Moyer used the Eephus on that Encarcion strike out.

I just returned from the restroom where I took a shit that knows more about baseball than Kevin Kennedy.

I once saw Mike Schmidt catch a ball in his pockmark.

The radio does no justification for the Schmidtstashe.

Two outs!?!? Say It Ain't So, Dibble!

For real. That makes me Blue.

Did they return from commerical that time with "Sorry" by Buckcherry?

Why are they playing with a DH?

Jim Brower? Do Sheepman or Goatguy or whatever the hell it's called!

If the NL uses the DH in spring training to protect the pitcher and to reduce double-switches, why don't they just use it during the regular season too?

Because everyone over 60 who would react like you tried to take their driver's licences. Want proof? Ask Jamie Moyer, if he's still awake.

::waits for Upstate Underdog to chime in::

Johnny Bench can't play, he's huffed too much Rustoleum.

The second most exciting play so far: Blackley picks off Keppinger at first base. The third most exciting play will be when the game ends and I can take a nap.

When did Joe Torre take over the liveblog?

Geoff Jenkins and Pedro Feliz. This is like that time the Tigers cloned Rob Deer and had him hit 4th and 5th.

I wanna work somewhere with a designated nap time.

The Dusty Baker era launches with a wet plop.

Go work at a preschool.

Does it make anyone "feliz" to root for Pedro Feliz? Nay.

This is what i think of Dusty Baker


That should be the cover of the Reds' media guide.

Skyline Chili sucks.

I like Skyline Chili. It was invented by Greeks.

Speaking of Travis Blackley, not many people know that Bob Ley's middle name is White.


Sorry, I'm in spring training too.

LOL Dusty Baker:


By midseason, when these liveblogs are teh hotness, you're all* going to say you remember the days when CTC made 72 straight jokes in the comments.

*4 of you

Spoiler: The Reds bandwagon hits an iceberg, sinks.

It's a good thing XM didn't switch to the BoDiaz. They hate satellites.

Three-run dinger for Greg Dobbs?! He's playing like a man who knows he's second only to Chase Utley in the "beloved by white girls under 30" category.

Do you find him more attractive than Lou Dobbs?

Translation: nothing is going right for the Redlegs today. Except that picnic basket thing.

Even THAT ended poorly. When Rosales went to retrieve the ball, all he found out there were some used napkins and the smoke figures of smarter-than-your-average-bears.

+1 on the inclusion of shallots in your roast chicken, Iracane. Shallots magically make everything taste better. Well, shallots, and lots and lots of butter.

Rob, you have no idea how happy the "bacon pants" meme makes me.


How long is Griffey supposed to be out with that jaw?

you mean the grotesquely swollen one?


Thanks for tuning in!

Rob, light a cigarette and take a nap on your desk.

Well done, guys. And in keeping with the There Will Be Blood theme...



I've felt Frank Thomas. He's soft.

Following that glog felt like watching someone taking the Gallon-of-Milk Challenge.

Nice work fellas!

It'd be awesome if somebody's bullpen was nicknamed Big Head Todd and the Monsters. We need a likable closer named Todd, stat.

Let's split it up. I'll go look in Detroit.

Either Jamie Moyer is made of magic or the Reds eat donkey tush.

No points for guessing which, though.

This game has to have been better than live-blogging the Nationals/Marlins game, though, right?

I didn't know radio was a livebloggable medium. Now I've heard everything.

"Bruntlett is my MVP for the day because I learned who he is."

I still don't know who he is, but if he's young and I haven't heard of him, then Billy Beane would like to trade Joe Blanton, Daric Barton and Mark Ellis for him immediately.

Nice work Iracane.

::slow clap::

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