Torii Hunter Makes Rainbows Out Of Pure Sadness, And He's Paying Your Rent This Month

| | Comments (7)
toriihunter.jpgJumping Jesus on a Pogo Ball, that Torii Hunter is swell. In fact, if you wrote this story about the new Angel, you might even say he:

  • is a positive presence
  • is just a regular guy who smiles all the time
  • likes to make his teammates laugh, but doesn't play practical jokes
  • is just a lucky guy from Pine Bluff, AR, who loves baseball and genuinely likes people
  • is fun to be around... a real delight
  • has been around, knows the game
  • is just a good person and he's great with all his teammates. There's an energy there... the guys are rallying around him.
  • was one of the best players on the market
  • attends morning chapel

Man, he can't really be that nice, can he? There's got to be some boring lame quote about him just getting ready for the season and taking it one day at a time SOMEWHERE in this article. That will reveal him as just another jerky baseball cyborg!

"I like people, man, I love people," he said. "God's greatest gift is people. If everybody would treat everybody like they want to be treated, this world and this clubhouse would be great."

Alright, fine. Torii Hunter is the most kind and lovable human in all of baseball (even if he is going to be 38 when his new contract expires). I concede. And he definitely seems nicer than Milf Hunter. I wonder if they're related.

PREVIOUS: There Will Be Burrell   |   NEXT: Everyday Is Like Sunday; Only Silent and Gray in Kansas City


Torii Hunter, yeah, what a swell guy! He's nice all the time!!!
.......Except, strangely, when white people wear the number 42. It's like his Kryptonite. Er, his Angry-o-nite. Er, well, he doesn't like it, okay? So don't do it, white people.

He's just livin the dream, man. Unlike his brother, Crocodile.

His Uncle Deer is still having nightmares about 'Nam.

wow, best last sentence ever

I used to run into his brother Spy at the arcade all the time in the very early 90s. Haven't seen him since.

I always wondered what happened to his cousing Shawn and his life partner, Corey Matthews.

I see his other brother on TV sometimes at night, but I haven't heard any confirmed reports of people meeting Ghost in real life.

Leave a comment