Eric Byrnes Is A Fruit

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Eric Byrnes got married. The story is just as annoying as you'd think it would be. Lest we be accused of drinking the haterade around here, there are genuinely good guys deserving of the occasional fluff piece. But this shit... man.

I'm not even going to tee off on this backwater Spicoli. I'm going to let the story speak for itself:

  • "This is who I am," the outfielder says, wearing plaid pajama pants and a D-Backs shirt in the bedroom of his Glendale home. "I won't change.

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  • Byrnes' unkempt hair and board-shorts-and-T style is comfortable, but it's a "managed effort," Tarah says. "He puts a lot of effort into looking like a surf bum.

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  • His iPod holds the latest, most popular songs that iTunes suggests. He's "multicultural" when it comes to music, but when he's at a club, he wants a good beat, he says, bobbing his head.

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  • "Love Matthew McConaughey," Byrnes says, looking much like the actor who recently captured attention for living in a motorhome on the beach.

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My impression of Eric Byrnes after his participation in the TBS playoff broadcasts last year, is that he's a total cokehead.

His latest hyjinx are telling me no different. Fucking cokehead Eric Byrnes.

He's "multicultural" when it comes to music

He listens to all sorts of Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews, and O.A.R.

If you hit 'Page Up' and 'Page Down' really fast on your keyboard, it looks like the smack is animated!

His iPod holds the latest, most popular songs that iTunes suggests

He also "Asks Madden" every time before picking a play.

dooood he's a weedhead. its so obvious.

cokeheads are like K-Rod, Abreau, and the '86 Mets

Glenn Beck's Taint is commenter name of the year.

the #1 song on itunes is by my drunk, pill poppin ass!

-paula abdul

thanks Camp.

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