Good News For People Who Like Oriole News

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Hey Orioles fans! Yeah, all one of you. I have good news! Looks like Andy MacPhail isn't going to trade Brian Roberts after all. Instead of losing 100 games, the Orioles will now only lose 95! Congratulations, Peter Angelos. This is the second greatest accomplishment of your career, right after all those enormous mesothelioma settlements.

The Cubs had been interested and offered a nice package of prospects. Chicago could desperately use a real leadoff-type guy and Roberts fits that mold. They just signed Blue Jay detritus Reed Johnson but if they pencil him and his .300 OBP in the #1 slot, I will personally punch Lou Piniella in the throat. I have a blog so I am an expert: the Cubs should bat Kosuke Fukudome leadoff. He's fast, he has a good eye, he walks a ton, and he can hit. Well, he could do all those things in Japan. Nobody knows how that will translate, just like nobody knows how to translate "dirty water vienna beef hot dog with neon green relish" into Japanese.

So what's the holdup on this trade anyway, Andy?

"We continue to talk," he said. "I think with each passing hour at this point, it's less and less likely. I just think it's less likely the further we get this close into it, the greater likelihood that we're going to start with what we have."

Translation: throw in another pitching prospect and you've got yourself a deal, Zell.

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It seems that Sweet Lou is considering taking YOUR advice and batting Fukakke leadoff - at least against lefties. Now, if I could only perfect my plan to cut Ryan Theriot's achilles heal...

Also; Great, now I'm starving. We got any Chicago Dogs back there?

Was that really a Modest Mouse reference in the headline? Well done.

Also, you can look forward to a whole season of crying over the Cubs leadof man over on the Stew.

Milk's Favorite Cookie!

Reed Johnson can sit on a Vienna Dog.

I can't get the Japanese character to show up in the comments box, but the translation is, "raging diarrhea".

Rerish no!

The Japanese have used schoolgirl panty vending machines, and they pickle everything. And you think they DON'T already have dirty water Vienna beef hot dogs with neon green relish?

Hell, you can probably get them over there in your choice of Pokemon, Hello Kitty, or Lineage 2 themed bun/wrappers...

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