Hooray for Opening Day!

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The real live baseball season is finally upon us because today is OPENING DAY! Today is the day we can pretend that those Red Sox - A's games in Japan never happened. Today is the day we can pretend that Ryan Zimmerman didn't really hit a walkoff home run last night to lead the Washington Nationals over the Atlanta Braves in the inaugural game at Nationals Park. Today is the day we can pretend that Pres-o-dent Bush didn't get heartily and lustily booed before, during, and after throwing out the inaugural pitch. Today is the day we can pretend all those preseason games didn't happen, especially when everybody leaves way before the seventh inning stretch. Yeah, we can even pretend that all the loud obnoxious blathering idiots surrounding our national pastime never really existed.

Why do we let ourselves live in such a world of make-believe? Because on Opening Day, every team and every player and every stadium urinal start out fresh. Anything can happen, even in the urinals. Every team's fans have hope today, well, except the Orioles fans. Sorry.

I'm lucky enough to be going to see the Yankees and the Blue Jays kick off the AL East season today; all the stars will be there: Lyle Overbay! Marco Scutaro! Buck Coats! My associate Camp Tiger Claw (who did an amazing job on Friday by the by) will take you through the rest of the day. I leave you with my 2008 season predictions:

  • Sleeper team (AL): Watch out for the Royals. Really.
  • Sleeper team (NL): The Cardinals will surprise you. Ferreals.
  • World Series loser: Those Diamondbacks are all growed up now.
  • World Series winner: The Yankees, because I am a total homer.
  • Most disappointing: The Mets won't win 90 games, regardless of what I said earlier. Mark it down.

Dear commenters, what are your team-related predictions?

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You're right about the Royals and D'Backs. You're very wrong about the Cardinals.

Can't argue with the other two, because they're clearly shaped by intractable bias.

Woohoo! Opening Day!

AL sleeper team - The Orioles will put everyone to sleep
NL sleeper team - Here come the Reds
WS Loser - Philadelphia
WS Winner - Toronto, because I'm a total homer and it's 1993 all over again
Disappointment - Milwaukee will fade down the stretch in finish with 82 wins

AL Sleeper: Scranton Yankees
NL Sleeper: the Harlem Globetrotters
WS loser: New York Mets
WS winner: Boston
Disappointment: Phillies

I picked sleepers that are such sleepers they aren't even in the league, or playing the same sport.

AL Sleeper- ChiSox
NL Sleeper- Colorado (is anyone talking about them?)
WS Loser- D-backs
WS Winner- Detroit (a 300-lb Cabrera will demand milkshakes instead of champagne in the clubhouse)
Disappointment - the Mariners. Seriously, their lineup is mediocre at best, and the SP are good, not amazing. 78 wins.

Good to know I'm not the only one pretending that game last night didn't count.

AL Sleeper: Rays
NL Sleeper: Does Atlanta count?
WS Loser: Boston
WS Winner: Atlanta (Homer!)
Disappointment: Philly and the Dodgers

AL Sleeper: Oakland
NL Sleeper: Cincinnati
WS Loser: Cleveland
WS Winner: New York Mets
Disappointment: Phillies, Yankees

Mets will have no problem winning 90, even if the starting Left Fielder is on the DL and once played on a team with Mordecai "3 Finger" Brown. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch Johan Santana strike out 20 Marlins and shout explatives at South Floridians while I get a third degree burn from the sun. BASEBALL FEVER!!! CATCH IT!!! (and then use protection so you don't spread it to others.)

George Bush: "They're booing me!!!"

George Bush's aide: "They aren't booing you sir, they're saying "Boo-ush..."

My anticipatory juices are oozing!

Worst record in AL: Baltimore Orioles (51-111)
Worst record in NL: Florida Marlins (56-106)

Best record in AL: Detroit Tigers (99-63)
Best record in NL: New York Mets (97-65)

AL Sleeper: Mariners
NL Sleeper: Braves
WS Loser: Phillies
WS Winner: Red Sox (ehhhh...homer)
Disappointment: Angels, Dodgers (LA sucks)

AL Sleeper: Chicago White Sox
NL Sleeper: LA Dodgers

World Series: Cleveland over Atlanta

My prediction? Pain.

And yes, that is team related - I'm a Cubs fan.

AL Sleeper: White Sox
NL Sleeper: Rockies - yes, I feel like people are sleeping on last year's WS loser

AL Bust: The Tribe - love 'em to death and I hope that I'm wrong, but look at the past few years in the AL Central. Best pitching staff owns the division, then their arms drag the following season.
NL Bust: Mets

WS: Phillies over Yankees

AL Sleeper: ChiSox
NL Sleeper: Dodgers
WS: Tigers over Mets
Disappointment: Arizona

but for the fun of it:

AL Sleeper: Kevin Bacon
NL Sleeper: Brad Pitt
WS: De Niro over Hoffman
Biggest disappointment: Minnie Driver

AL sleeper: those scrappy, no-respect Yankees
NL sleeper: those scrappy, no-respect defending NL champion Rockies

WS: Indians over Phillies

Disappointment: the new Indiana Jones movie

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