Jason Bay Is A Fantastic Actor; Michael Bay Is A Terrible Director

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skid_marks.jpgThe Canadian Press is awesome. They're a non profit news sharing agency for the country's various multimedia outlets. That is so much sexier than the AP I can't even stand it. Anyway, they also have a pretty good sense of humor as evidenced by this headline: "Jason Bay looks forward to better times with Pirates, perhaps another team."

Yes, perhaps.

Bay has put on a stoic face over the past 5 years in Pittsburgh stringing together some decent to great seasons in that baseball wasteland. Apparently he upset some people this offseason by making what the CP calls, "blunt assessments," and what I call, "stating the completely obvious."

On the final day of the 2007 season, Bay said, "To think we're going to win 100 games or go to the World Series next year with the exact same team it would be a little foolish." Then, at the Pirates' annual fan festival in Pittsburgh in January, he said, "I think that, for a championship-quality team, you need to make more moves. And I'm not talking about the .500 team we can be. I don't think anyone in this room is going to tell you we're a championship-quality team."

Gasp! Anyone that got mad at Jason Bay for saying that is fully brain dead. New Pirate GM Neal Huntington has hinted that the team could be stripped of it's valuable veterans in a rebuilding scheme meaning that Bay and... no one else could be traded for prospects. Bay is trying to be diplomatic, and not revealing how orgasmically liberating it would be to have his career released from the talons of Pirates suckitude.

"I'd love to be part of the turnaround but I understand that if things don't work out and there's a direction they want to go, there'll be a few different names that aren't here and that's just how baseball works," said Bay.
My God, cliches are good at masking giddiness aren't they?

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Roger Clemens looks forward to being proven innocent, perhaps alternate universe.

Baseball Prospectus should create a new statistical designation to empathize with the likes of Jason Bay, Carl Crawford, and the best player on the Giants (ummm...Aaron Rowand??). It's called VORT and it stands for Value Over Rest of Team.

On a side note, Aaron Rowand looks exactly like the guy who played Squeak "Little Bitch" Scolari in Baseketball.

Mike Hampton healthy, perhaps in his dreams.

(See What's Up Creampuff update.)

@ Jiegel

I was thinking Rowand looks more like Orgasmo's sidekick... especially when he wears that dildo on his batting helmet.

That kid in the big sombrero is really onto something!

Two brilliantly played characters, one actor.

Behold, Dian Bachar!

To follow up on my previous comment, Michael Bay has herpes, and I envy this child...


@ Jielgel:

Because you crave dairy, or because you like nuzzling the teat of a she-gopher?

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