John Maine Enables Dave Trembley's Drinking Problem

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Baltimore Orioles manager Dave Trembley has a serious drinking problem. No, not the Tony La Russa slash Mickey Mantle slash Bob Welch slash David Wells variety. Instead, Trembley has a hankering for a more Methodist-acceptable beverage:

Anybody who has ever played for Orioles manager Dave Trembley knows the perfect way to his heart - buy him his favorite diet soda. So when he arrived in the manager's office in the visiting clubhouse at Port St. Lucie earlier this spring, he was not surprised to see a bottle of his favorite diet beverage waiting for him, along with a nice note. It was a gift from New York Mets pitcher and former Oriole John Maine, whom Trembley managed at Double-A Bowie.

Sure, it's just soda, but be careful, Dave. Studies have found that the aspartame in certain diet sodas can cause brain damage in rats. Also, the caffeine makes them nervous and worry about the mortgage payments on their nests and why their daughters are running around with that unemployed red squirrel from the bad side of the glen. Other studies show that switching from regular soda to diet soda may actually lead to weight gain, presumably because the artificial sweeteners trigger something in your brain that gives you an unavoidable urge to ingest whole pies.

I guess Trembley shouldn't worry too much about all that; the O's are so awful he'll be switching to scotch on the rocks by mid-May. You would too if this guy was your Opening Day pitcher.


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5 Comments

Notice they dont mention what kind of diet drink it is.

It's Diet Liquid LSD.

Guthrie is starting opening day damnit! Jeremy Guthrie 4life!

mmmmm....pie

@CTC

Easy there, Dock Ellis...

A bottle of diet soda? Wow, what a generous gift!

Wow, a former Royal. Stunning work there, Angelos.

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