Reds Sign Hairston and Patterson; 2005 Cubs Reunion Tour Coming to Your City

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The Cincinnati Reds have lost Jay Bruce and Jerry Gil, two outfielders I've never heard of, to injury in the past week so like any terribly managed, hyper reactive team would do, they signed two aging veterans to minor league deals. And not just any aging veterans:

"The Cincinnati Reds on Monday signed both Corey Patterson and Jerry Hairston Jr. to minor-league contracts. Both players played for (Dusty) Baker when he managed the Cubs. Now they get a shot to make his Reds team."

It's a reunion of the 2005 Cubs team! Todd Hollandsworth is waiting anxiously by his phone, Dusty. Glendon Rusch needs work! Jody Gerut is bored as heck! Give 'em a jingle!

Patterson's on-base percentage with the Orioles last year was .314; Jerry Hairston was even better (read: worse) with a measly .249 OBP for the Texas Rangers. These are true Dusty Baker style players: they are gentlemanly enough not to clog the bases. They're polite enough to return to the dugout after their at-bats, probably to refresh Dusty's toothpick.

True story: after a Red Sox-Orioles game last year, I went out to dinner with my friends on Newbury Street and saw Patterson and fellow Oriole outfielder Jay Payton waiting by the bar in the restaurant. This is the least interesting Gawker Stalker story in the history of forever.

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Bedroom Toothpick Eyes

Dusty is thinking naughty thoughts about the things he's gonna do to Harang's arm this year.

Fun* fact of the day:

Yours truly and Corey Patterson went to the same high school.


+1 Dr.

Dear GOD the thought of Corey Patterson makes me puke

Jody Gerut is in Padres camp!

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