Tigers Bullpen Falling Apart Faster Than Your Last Relationship

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Greg+Brady+tiki.jpgSome writers have tried to manufacture excitement this spring by getting their shorts in a knot over the 2008 Tigers. I'd like to tell those same handsome writers to please take a closer look at what's going on with the Detroit bullpen.

Already the relief staff is being ravaged by arm trouble and governmental issues. Matt Mantei's comeback looks like it's over before it's even had a chance to start. With Joel Zumaya out till the All-Star Break, Fernando Rodney needs to be a rock in the set up slot, but now he's suffering from soulder tendinitis. Francisco Cruceta has so far been unable to obtain a visa which would, you know, allow him to come to the United States which, in my opinion, is crucial to being an effective reliever.

This early in the season you don't want to panic. That's why I think the logical move here is to completely demoilish Joker Marchant Stadium, spring training home of the Tigers. The place is clearly built on a haunted Seminole Indian Burial ground. You don't mess around with this shit. Giant floating ghost feathers and flaming arrowheads can really affect team chemistry. One minute Jim Leyland (that asshole) is lighting up a tasty Pall Mall, the next he's being lifted above the mound by the spirit of Cowkeeper while the trees around the stadium weep blood and the on-deck circle is ringed with blue flame. That's a tough environment to take honest stock of your youngsters.

Perhaps the wisdom of still healthy reliever Jason Grilli can guide them through these tough times. He's always had a knack for making lemonade out of limes.

Updates: The Tigers just released Mantei. He will retire. Also, Jim Leyland (that asshole): not an anal rapist.

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4 Comments

Ahem, that's uh-NAL-ruh-pist.

I'll take The Rapists for $400, Alex.

I think we are all overlooking the rock that is Todd Jones. You don't need that many set-up men when you can bring Jesus out of the 'pen in the ninth.

Holy crap that Jim Leland link at the end was phenomenal.

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