Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: Red Sox @ Twins; Rockies @ White Sox

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grapefruit.jpgSo we're jumping into a Red Sox-Twins game that has already gone four and a half innings. The Red Sox lead the Twins 6 to 3. Clay Buchholz started and pitched well through 3 innings for Boston, while Francisco Liriano started for the Twins and gave up a couple runs in a couple innings. Joe Mauer just hit a solo dinger for the Twins and has two hits on the game. Let's start the late liveglog! (after the jump...oops)

3:00 PM: After five complete innings, the Red Sox lead 6-3. I believe we are listening to the Twins announcers today. Anyone got any info on them?

3:03 PM: Most of the Sox starters are out of the lineup already, so this is going to test my mettle. Some gentleman named Brandon Moss is up now with Keith Ginter in the on-deck circle.

3:04 PM: Jesus Christ the inning is over already. Dennys Reyes got two strikeouts and that's that.

3:06 PM: Continental Diamond is Nick Punto's favorite jewelry store. Love those local commercials.

3:08 PM: For your Red Sox in the field: David Aardsma is the pitcher, Kevin Cash is your catcher, Brandon Moss is in right field, Joe Thurston is the left fielder, Ryan Cory is the shortstop. Justin Morneau at bat, Delmon Young on deck. Jason Kubel in the hole...literally, he fell in a hole.

3:10 PM: Morneau singles and is replaced by a pinch runner, Ruiz. I still hate you, Justin Morneau. You were the worst MVP ever. Today's game is a sellout. So is Justin Morneau.

3:13 PM: Aardsma strikes out Delmon Young and my announcer friend implores me to have my choir, band, or dance team join the team on the field for the seventh inning stretch. No thanks.

3:14 PM: Jason Kubel strikes out too. Up now: Brendan Harris. He's a sellout too. Jed Lowrie is the Sox' second basegentleman, some kid named Van Every is in centerfield and Kevin Youkilis is at first, I think....holy shit Brendan Harris hit a two run dinger!

3:18 PM: The inning ended but I have no idea how, because my phone rang. Hey, it's the top of the seventh! Ginter walked; Thurston is at bat.

3:21 PM: Thurston got a single or something. Ginter advanced. Kevin Cash is up and will attempt to bunt.

3:24 PM: Three run home run for Kevin Cash! Wow, that is SO not a bunt!

3:25 PM: I had another phone call but I told the person to hold on, because I was liveglogging. Khoury just reached on an infield error. That is so not Cory. Van Every is at bat.

3:28 PM: Yeah, it's 9-5 right now I think. Van Every can haz a walk. Khoury moves onto second base, and the new Sox first basemen Chris Carter is at bat.

3:30 PM: Last call for alcohol in the ballpark. Khoury scores on a Chris Carter double. The game is now 10-5 and this liveglog is 30 minutes from switching games.

3:32 PM: George Kotteras is your new DH. Well, this is his second at-bat, but to us latecomers, he's totally new. And anonymous. He flies out to leftfielder Basak but hey, he gets the RBI on the sac fly. Now our announcer friends are talking about the bench clearing brawl in the Rays-Yanks game. Shoulda glogged that one! (But it wasnt on XM)

3:33 PM: Brandon Moss is the ninth batter this inning and celebrates by grounding out to end the top of the seventh. Ah, the seventh inning stretch. Time to bring my choir, band, or dance team onto the field!

3:36 PM: It's 11-5 Red Sox. Shortstop Alexi Casilla leads off for the Twins. I just realized how fucking retarded I am for live-glogging spring training games. They usually go through 40 different players in these games, 15 of which I've never heard of, so I spend half the time looking up people's names. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? Casilla strikes out. Aardsma is still pitching.

3:39 PM: Twins catcher Butera is up, which means I totally missed Pridie's at bat. Wait a minute, I hear the vendor shouting "last call for alcohol" again. What the fuck, beer guy? You said that last inning!

3:42PM: Butera goes down swingin, so Aardsma now has four strikeouts, which is great, and that home run to Harris, which sucks. Commercial time as Tito emerges from his cave to make a pitching change.

3:45PM: Tejera is pitching for the Red Sox now, and Gary Jones is at bat. I feel like I'm liveglogging international soccer now. Who ARE these people?

3:46PM: Pridie is definitely at first base. Don't know how he got there but he's headed back into the field because Jones strikes out to end the inning.

3:49PM: Blogger Pat Neshek is pitching now for the Twinnies. It's the top of the 8th and this may be our last half inning covering this game, because honestly, it's a clusterfuck. The glog, not the game. Ginter strikes out. Thurston is up. Lovey is on deck.

3:50PM: Jason Pridie dives and robs Thurston of a base hit. Do you think Pridie will be the starting CF? Has he overcome mediocrity? What about Carlos Gomez? Or Denard Span? Kevin Cash is up....and he strikes out. End of top half of 8th.

3:53PM: Randy Ruiz leads off against Michael Tejera and lines a base hit to right field. Or left field. I missed that detail. Chris Basak is up. This is the bottom of the 8th and it will be our last half inning with this game before we move on. Should we do the Mariners-Brewers game instead of the Rockies-White Sox? At least I know some of the M's.

3:56PM: Chris Basak is working a full count, and then flies out to a diving Joe Thurston. That's a great band name: Diving Joe Thurston. Or not. Pinch hitter Howie Clark is up. That's a terrible band name.

3:58PM: Clark makes an out and Matt Tolbert doubles in Ruiz and it's 11-6. We're gonna switch to the Mariners-Brewers game so I can either attack Dave Niehaus or Bob Uecker. It's win-win!

3:59PM: Inning over!!! We're switching!!!

4:02PM: Game hasn't started yet...I'm hearing an ad for some teleconferencing software. Yawn.

4:05PM: Now I just heard a commercial for Fox News' John Gibson's talk show where he questions what he is allowed to say about Barack Obama and what he is not allowed to say. You are a sarcastic dick, John Gibson. Oh! Game is starting! Ahoy hoy! Carlos Silva vs Carlos Villanueva. Carlos vs Carlos! AND DAVE NIEHAUS IS CALLING THE GAME

4:08PM: Craig Counsell, Brewers second basegentleman, leads off with a groundout. Hey, Craig Counsell is still playing baseball! Tony Gwynn Jr. is up; he is playing center today.

4:11PM: Gwynn strikes out. His dad never struck out. Tony Gwynn Jr. is the Jeremy Schaap of striking out. J.J. Hardy, your Brewers shortstop, is now up. Hey, fuck...Ichiro has the day off today. HOW WILL HE BREAK HIS HITLESS STREAK? WHY AM I LIVEGLOGGING THIS GAME THEN?

4:14 PM: Hardy gets an infield hit. Betancourt just couldn't get to the ball in time (trombone noise). Prince Fielder is up; he has no homeruns yet this spring and Dave Niehaus makes light of this. Um, Dave, you know Ichiro is hitless, yes? Dave Niehaus is now talking about Bernie Brewer, and notes that he was born when the Seattle Pilots accidentally moved to Milwaukee. Huh? Fielder GIDP's. Middle of first. Hey, a Bud Light commercial during a sporting event! Weird!

4:17 PM: Yuniesky Betancourt grounds out to Abraham Nunez. One out. Again with the Bernie Brewer bit. Sigh.

4:20 PM: Jose Video is your DH today. Whoops, not Jose Video, I meant Jose Vidro. Jose Video is that DVD place down in Spanish Harlem. Now, Niehaus is talking about the racing Chorizo in Milwaukee. Coincidence? Video flies out. Niehaus says that the hot dog won the most races, twenty-four of 'em.

4:23 PM: Adrian Beltre who plays third base and enjoys soft rock music is at bat. March is truck month at Jack Harolds' Linwood Dodge! Really, Dave? IS IT? Beltre blisters a base hit to left field, bringing up Richie Sexson. Beltre steals second as Counsell is pulled off the bag. That was a weak throw, Jason Kendall. No wonder you're batting ninth.

4:24 PM: Horacio Ramirez was released by the Mariners today. This is huge news to Dave Niehaus. He has mentioned it five times already. Sexson strikes out and the entire Seattle metro area is not surprised. End of the first.

4:28 PM: Your Brewers DH today is Joe Dillon. This is the grossest thing I have ever read. Thanks, CTC! Dillon and left fielder Gabe Gross both made an out that I missed because I was stuck to the toilet seat. RF Laynce Nix is now up.

4:30 PM: Mariners centerfielder Wladimir Balentien makes a tremendous catch against the wall to end the inning.

4:33 PM: Balentien leads off, and if Dave Niehaus mentions the coincidence that the man who made an outstanding defensive play to end one half-inning leads off the next, I will wag my finger at the radio. Instead, he says that Wladdy is from Curacao. Hey, just like Andruw Jones! Balentien grounds out, and now some chick breaks in to tell us about the Seattle traffic.

4:36 PM: Mariners catcher Kenji Johjima is up now. He grounds out to Craig Counsell after the ball flicks off Villanueva's glove. The Mariners second baseman is named Jose Lopez but Niehaus calls him Carlos Lopez. He grounds out to end the second inning.

4:39 PM: Welcome commenters Sh!tShow, futuremrsrickankiel, and honeynut. Y'all are the lifeblood of the WALC. Abraham Nunez leads off for the Brewbots and makes an out. Then, Jason Kendall somehow manages to get a base hit. It's March baseball, baby! Craigers is up now.

4:42 PM: Counsell drops in a pop fly between Sexson and Morse for a base hit. Two on now with one out. Tony Gwynn Jr at the plate...and he grounds a basehit through the middle, consequentially loading the bases.

4:45 PM: Hardy grounds into a fielders choice and Adrian Beltre was your fielder and throwing home was his choice. Good choice! Prince Fielder comes up and hits one high....he hits one far...he hits Mike Morse. Unfortunately, Mike Morse is the Mariners right fielder and not some anonymous fan in the bleachers. Middle of third inning.

4:46 PM: Oh, hey it's Farthammer! Sup, Farthammer. You too are the lifeblood.

4:48 PM: Mike Morse lines out and Charlton Jimerson is up. Yes, that is someone's real name. Dave Sims told me so, and then told me about a great new deal on Sprint phones. Jimerson lines out to Hardy, two down. Betancourt is now up...he grounds out to Nunez. A 1-2-3 third inning for Villanueva. Commercials woo!

4:51 PM: Charleston Jimerston ranges to his right to catch a fly ball off the bat of Gabe Gross. One out for Carlos Silva here in the 4th. Hey, he's doing great! Shocker! Joe Dillon is up now. No relation to Denny Dillon. He singles to left, right in front of Charlatan Jimarstan.

4:53 PM: Charlie Jimmy catches a Laynce Nix line drive. Two out. Abraham Nunez is up. HIT IT TO JIMERSON!

4:54 PM: How dare you! Nunez grounds out to Lopez. Inning over.

4:56 PM: This liveglog is on its last feet. I will summarily put it down. Game over kids! Everyone go home, and thanks for coming!

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You know what I hope the Sox DON'T do? Pick a fight with an inferior team.

Circle me Iracane!

@ Shitshow

And the two majors figures in the brawl today were named Evan and Shelley.

Weak sauce.

The Continental Diamond is also Nick Punto's nickname for his wang.

Kevin Cash has his own "Ring Of Fire."


Only 5 fielders? Damn, what kinda spring training game is this?

I wish Aardsma's first name was Daavid.

Is Van his first name? If so, I'm naming my kid Coupe.

Harris was waaaay cooler when he was hitting base hits.

So in the phonebook he's Every, Van.

That's a lot to put on a kid's shoulders.

Thurston is at bat and Maryanne got arrested. Quite a week for those guys.

In all fairness it's tough to read signs on the radio.

Kevin Cash sells out too... every stadium he plays!

"Can you hold, I'm live blogging?"

"Rob, that's a banana."

The fuck is a Chris Carter. They should play Clarence Carter. He could stroke it.

If anyone in the ballpark needs more booze, they can have some of the stuff I keep in my desk.

We don't have a dance team. We have:


Needs more aggressive slides into second base that end in fighting and ejection.

Oh, sorry, were you guys talking about baseball?

just realized how fucking retarded I am for live-glogging spring training games.

I don't even know why we started a blog at all. I liked it better when I just whispered my opinions under the door to my neighbor's cat.

Hi, this is Nick Punto. I just want to say I made up Continental Diamond Jewelry because no one actually wants me to endorse their product.

I'm so alone.

The Red Sox just let Gary Jones play today because he turns 60 tomorrow.

Needs more George Kotteras

Here's an ouchy photo from the Yankees/Rays brawl:

Carlos Gomez, yo. They're praying to God people think they actually got something for Johan.

Thats some wicked Felix Pie action, CTC.

But refers to the White Sox/Rockies pairing as the "Tuscon Twosome"! Doesn't that sound sexy?

I thought that was the double double at In-n-out.

We're gonna fuck you up, Niehaus.

Phew! I was waiting for my daily burger joke.

The Brewers game... that reminds me: I would really, really like a beer right about now.

I wonder if Ichiro has a hit or if he's missing intentionally and laughing like a spider monkey.

Dave Niehaus wont be making light of the fact that it takes the Mariners team most of April to hit a homerun.

You know what's behind that black curtain at Jose Video?

Dozens of Jose's screaming children.

How is the Hot Dog the clubhouse leader with 24 wins? Haven't they run too many races for him to only have won 24? I DEMAND MEAT RACE ACCOUNTABILITY.

Is there more than one Dodge in Linwood, or does Jack Reynolds own more than one dealership? The excitement or spring training baseball might choke you to death.

God, why is everything in baseball so PHALLIC?!

I got that gross story from Darren.

Vitaly Balenien is also a decent CF.

I just had that story e-mailed to me by a co-worker.

Absolutely nothing makes sense. Nothing. I check three times to makes sure it didn't have an "Onion" tag somewhere.

How much traffic could there be in Seattle at 1:35 in the afternoon?

I can't believe Jason Kendall got a hit. I was under the impression that he swung with a carrot.

I liked Kendall better when he was flailing around on the ground with a torn-off foot.

Charlton Jimerson? Does he know Chim Richalds?


Jimerson... the Jimareeeeno.

I am totally out of jokes. When does the season start?

CTC, I feel like I could actually HEAR your brain grinding to a screeching halt just now.

No, Billy Joel just drove past your house.

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