What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt This Week

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stretcher.JPGWeek 2 of camp. More guys hurt. Let's round them up and poke some fun at their discomfort. How can I do this, you may ask? Because I use an alias. On to the wimps!

Coco Crisp, Red Sox: Let's let Amalie Benjamin of the Globe handle this one: "Coco Crisp not only is dealing with his tender groin muscles, but the center fielder is in line for a root canal today." That's one of the most painful sentences I've ever read. Looks like it'll be awhile before he can scratch his inner thighs with his teeth. Or get traded.

Adam Eaton, Phillies: Eaton has been complaining of back pain whilst getting shelled all week. I would recommend the Phillies have him see a back specialist. Then release him.

Jeff Kent, Dodgers: Grandpa pulled a hamstring. This guy turns 40 years old today and is still playing second base. That's really something. No truth to the rumors that Kent suffered the injury either washing his car or laughing maniacally at the fact that no one has signed Barry Bonds.

Jim Edmonds, Padres: Edmonds hurt his calf. You don't see those racists at PETA making a big deal about this, do you?

Doug Brocail, Astros: Raped by a wallaby.

Hank Joe Blalock, Rangers: Someone rear ended Blalock's car. This is what happens when you're eating In-N-Out and not paying attention where you're driving. Anyway, Blalock had whiplash and shoulder soreness but is feeling better.

SUPER PREDICTABLE UPDATE: Reader Matt T. sends in the news that Mike Hampton was just pulled from his second spring start with an undisclosed injury. Like Dr. Rock said below, some of these you could write in advance. Can't imagine the frustration for Hampton.

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16 Comments

Edmonds didn't 'hurt' his calf, he was just tenderizing his veal.

Eddy beat that meat like it owed him money.

Hmmm, Adam Eaton, Jim Edmonds, Hank Blalock...

I think some of these can be written in advance, like the NY Times obits.

I thought Coco Crisp had a strained JacobyIsBetterSoPackUp.

Without clicking on the link, I'm gonna go ahead and assume Edmonds slowed up while chasing a lazy fly ball, dove for it, got up and took 5 more steps to crash into the wall, rolled on the warning track in agony long enough for 15 replays, then strained his calf jogging back to the dugout and tipping his cap.

@The Kid

I like your commenter name because it lends itself to afterthoughts such as "That Kid in The Big Sombrero might be onto something," or "That Kid in The Big Sombrero is a douchebag."

@ The Kid

+1

@ Jiegel

I was going for a somewhat obscure Harry Caray reference, but now that I think about it that douche line is more appropriate.

Brilliant summation of Edmonds' m.o. and why he is largely despised by those around him. That, and the fact that he frosts his hair.

@all

i meant no disrespect by that, sorry The Kid

Have there been any back injuries due to sneezing yet? I think we're about due.

Burger jokes: the new dick jokes?

OcaptainMikeHampton: /craps out bag of funyons

By David O'Brien

March 7, 2008 2:10 PM | Link to this

MILD STRAIN OF RIGHT GROIN for Hampton. That’s the word from the clubhouse. No timetable for return, will be evaluated day-to-day, etc.

In other words, he strained his vag.

Meh. That's not too bad.

I can see why Jeff Kent got hurt, it must be physically taxing to hate the darkies and wetbacks all the time.

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