April 2008 Archives

The game of the night features the Oakland Athletics and Los Angeles Angels of Angelheim battling it out for first place in the American League West. Surprisingly successful starter Dana Eveland faces less-surprisingly successful starter Ervin Santana. Santana looks to become just the second Angels starter to go 5-0 in the month of April since Frank Tanana did it 30 years ago. The first to do it since then? Joe Saunders, who did it last night by shutting out the A's.

Eveland has a handful of wins, too, so he's no stranger to April success. He is, however, a stranger to the Angels HAVING NEVER FACED THEM EVER. He's also not a stranger to the stage, having done some summer stock a few years back. He's also read The Stranger by Albert Camus three times, and seen the film Stranger Than Fiction starring Will Ferrell once while on a cross-country flight.

The game starts at 10:05 EDT so I assume only our commenter Farthammer will be watching. I look forward to enjoying the highlights on MLB.com in the AM.

It's been a slow news week for us baseball writers. Yesterday, I made fun of Jay Mariotti for writing so much about Lee Elia... in a post I wrote about Lee Elia. That story actually spread like wildfire yesterday. I must have read about "the rant" in ten different places. It got me thinking about the Hal McRae rant (posted in TEH GLOG below), and in the process I stumbled across this gem from Goose Gossage. I think it's my new all-time favorite. He calls George Steinbrenner "The Fat Man," calls a writer a "greasy cocksucker," and calls Yankee fans "dumb motherfuckers." The whole thing is top class. Laugh along with me (but probably not your boss):

Is this really the first regular season game I'm liveglogging between two American league teams? Well, I've only done three liveglogs so far so don't get your pantaloons in a knot.

Today's game features the White Sox and Twins facing off in the ol' Metrodome. The light-hitting White Sox face Minnesota rookie pitcher Nick Blackburn for the second time this season. They've already served him the injustice of a no-decision in a 7-5 White Sox win that saw Blackburn give up but 2 runs in five innings of work.

The even lighter-hitting Twins will face White Sox spot starter Nick Masset, who made his only other major league start last year against the Cubs at Wrigley Field. Masset's earlier appearance against the Twins was a huge mess as he allowed five runs in 3 innings of relief on April 20th.

Joe Christensen, yet another sportswriter who should not be using his own headshot in his blog's sidebar, has the lineups. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I HAVE THE LIVEGLOG AFTER THE JUMP.

• 1:10, Pirates at Mets: Oliver Perez was awesome when he came up with the Pirates, remember that? That was what, 1998, '99? Oh, 2004. Anyway, the shine came off that Camaro pretty quickly, and now Ollie is a Metropolitan. Today Perez's statistical rollercoaster passes through his old squad when he starts against them at Shea. Rob already recapped last night's extra innings thriller, let's hope there's no hangover.


• 1:10, White Sox at Twins: Nick Massett takes on Nick Blackburn at the Metrodome. The keys to success could be how they handle Nick Punto and Nick Swisher respectively. I don't wanna give anything else away because Rob will be glogging this whole NICKGASM for you, live.


• 1:15 Reds at Cardinals: To address one of my own horribly typed questions from last night, Johnny Cueto only struck out two Cardnials derniere soir. Mostly because the Cardinals kicked his ass and he only lasted 1.2 innings. Today Aaron Harang brings his 2,78 ERA, 0.99 WHIP, 1-3 record and basset hound face to the mound to square off against Braden Looper and the Redbirds.


• 3:45, Rockies at Giants: Troy Tulowitzki busted up his quad last night and a loss today could put the defending champs one game behind the universally maligned Giants in the NL West. They'll trot out Ubaldo (no, YOU baldo) Jimenez to try and prevent that from happening. UJ has gotten trounced in his past couple of starts. The Rockies do not need that today. In brighter news, Garrett Atkins has a 15 game hitting streak. The Giants send out young Jonathan Sanchez who has been impressive thus far in 2008.


• 4:35 Braves at Nationals: This game is in a purty stadium, but the Braves and Nationals have both payed pretty ugly this season. Intriguing nordic dude Jair Jurgens gets the start for the Braves and Shawn Hill goes for the Nationals. Perhaps there'll be a brawl or some sort of media roundtable to spice this one up.

On the heels of the Kerwin-Danley-getting-knocked-out story comes this cryptic item from last night's Cubs-Brewers contest:

   "Home plate umpire Jerry Crawford left Tuesday night's game after the second inning with an undisclosed illness and was sent to Illinois Masonic Hospital for evaluation. There was a 13-minute delay after Crawford left the field and play resumed in the top of the third with a three-man crew...The Cubs announced Crawford was "feeling ill" but had no further update.

Perhaps you remember Jerry Crawford as president of the Major League Umpires Association way back in 1999, when the umpires staged their mass resignation in a failed move to strengthen their union. Of course, Crawford and a few others rescinded their resignation while many other umps never got their jobs back. Look what that strategy did to poor Eric Gregg.

This wasn't the first time Crawford has left a game due to illness. As per this AP story, Crawford has a history with a bad back. Still, COMMENCE MASSIVE SPECULATION AS TO JERRY CRAWFORD'S ILLNESS...now.

Thanks to rain, what was supposed to be the game of the night on Monday ended up being the game of the night on Tuesday. No worries because anyone who was lucky enough to watch saw a great contest. Neither Johan Santana nor Ian Snell were particularly effective and neither of the two starters figured in the decision.

The Pirates struck first as the first batter of the game, Nate McLouth, hit a solo ding-dong to left-center off Santana. Snell erased two of three baserunners he allowed in the first three innings; catcher Ronny Paulino threw out Jose Reyes stealing in the first and he got Luis Castillo to ground into a double play in the third.

Jason Bay extended the Pirates' lead to two with a solo tater tot in the fourth, but the Mets came back to tie the game with a Ryan Church two-run homer in the bottom of the inning. By the fifth inning, Snell's night was done after allowing two runs on a single, triple, walk, and an error by Freddy Sanchez attempting to turn a double play. Whoopsie! Johan Santana was done after loading the bases in the top of the 6th, but escaped unscathed when Pedro Feliciano got Adam LaRoche to pop up.

The Pirates added a run in the eighth inning when Duaner Sanchez walked LaRoche with the bases loaded, and then tied the game in the ninth off closer Billy Wagner. Wagner's first blown save of the year was a result of a throwing error by Jose Reyes, a wild pitch, and an RBI single by Freddy Sanchez. After the Mets failed to score in the bottom of the ninth, fans were treated to extra baseball action.

Newly called up John Van Benschoten was tabbed to pitch the bottom of the eleventh; he gave up a single, a balk, an intentional walk, another walk, and then a walkoff single to David Wright to earn his first loss of the year.

Having seen the Pirates for the first time this season, I can attest to the fact that they play sloppy baseball. They'd be a better team without the fielding mistakes and mental errors on the basepaths. New Pittsburgh manager John Russell should take a cue from Rusty Kuntz and school his players on the basics of the game.

Here's what happened last night in baseball. Yeah, yeah. Whoa, yeah :

• Red Sox 1, Blue Jays 0: Roy Halladay and Jon Lester matched each other inning for inning, going scoreless through 8 in one of the best pitchers' duels in the AL this year. Jonathan Papelbon came in in the 9th and got two outs before giving up a double to Scott Rolen. Dustin Pedroia then made a diving stop on a screaming Vernon Wells grounder up the middle keeping the shutout intact. In the bottom of the inning, Kevin Youkilis hit a liner to center that scored David Ortiz. Halladay has now pitched a CG in his last 4 starts... and lost 3 of them. Ouch. I still insist John Gibbons needs to watch his ass.


• Phillies 7, Padres 4: Cole Hamels went 7 1/3 strong innings helping the Phillies deny Matthew Broderick Greg Maddux his 350th win, which is a kind of milestone... I guess. I mean, 350 is certainly an impressive number but it's not too powerful in the symbolic or aesthetic departments. Tom Gordon worked out of a bases loaded jam in the eighth and the Phillies bullpen is all of a sudden competent. That would be a pleasant surprise for Phillies fans if the word "pleasant" was in any of their vocabularies.


• Tigers 6, Yankees 4: Curtis Granderson went apeshit with a homer, 2 walks and 3 runs scored. Phil Hughes' ERA climbed to 9.00 and the youngster was booed by the Bronx faithful. I can't see that having any effect on him. I mean he's 21 now, he should be totally hardened to that sort of thing. Gary Sheffield also homered which is pretty amazing for a guy with cortisone in both arms.


• Dodgers 7, Marlins 6: The Dodgers got to Andrew Miller early, scoring 6 runs in 3 innings. Mr. Miller has an even higher ERA than Mr. Hughes right now with a 9.12, but he wasn't booed by either person at the game. Still, Derek Lowe couldn't make the 6 runs stick and it took a ninth inning single from Grandpa Jeff Kent to win the game. The Dodgers have won 4 in a row.


• Twins 3, White Sox 1: Boof Bonser had his best start of the season when the Twins desperately needed it. Ron Gardenhire said as much before the game while gluing together two Winston 100s to create his signature "Ronster 200" pregame cigarette. Jason Kubel homered and Joe Nathan did what he always does as the Twins pulled within 3 games of the division leading Pale Hose.

Hey kids, turn on the ol' transistor radio tonight to find out:

• CAN Ben Sheets come back from a missed start and be has strong as he looked earlier in the season?


• HOWabout Tom Glavine? He also returns tonight.


• WILL Doc Halladay the Blue Jays keep the Red Sox losing streak alive?


• HOW many Cardinals will young Johnny Cueto strike out tonight?


• WHY do we write so damned much about the Cincinnati Reds?

Then stop by tomorrow for all the answers. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• According to Reds beat writer Hal McCoy, Bronson Arroyo has been swimming to help with his strength-training and is therefore a sassy senior just like Jorge Cantu. The Real McCoy
  
  
• Watch out, opinionated Yankee beat writers. Kyle Farnsworth has a plastic hunting rifle and he's not afraid to use it. LoHud Yankees Blog.
  
  
• Pat Lackey wonders who will replace Matt Morris in the Pirates rotation. My vote is for John Smiley. Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke?
  
  
• 'Duk creates a clever contest in which we are to guess the baseball players and coaches by looking at their guts. I, for one, am hoping that this will not involved colonoscopy photos. Big League Stew
  
  
• Matthew Taylor (no, not our Matt_T) argues that the Orioles should focus on free-agent hitters and not free-agent pitchers. He's right. Peter Angelos has always been better off wasting money on folks like Albert Belle and letting folks like Mike Mussina walk. Just kidding, of course. He really is right. Roar From 34

It's been another mediocre week for Dusty Baker and his Cincinnati Reds. Sure, they're on a three-game winning streak after scoring 20 runs in the final two games in San Francisco, but a two-game sweep in Houston still leaves the Redlegs in a tie for fourth place in the NL Central at 12-15. That's four wins and three losses on the week; now let's find out how Corey Patterson contributed over the last seven days:

Game 21: Didn't start, defensive replacement in eighth inning, tripled and scored in ninth.

Game 22: Didn't start, pinch-hit in seventh inning, 1-for-2 with a double and an RBI.

Game 23: Led off, 2-for-3 with a run scored and was caught stealing.

Game 24: Did not play.

Game 25: Led off, 1-for-6 with a double, an RBI, and a run scored.

Game 26: Batted second behind Jerry Hairston Jr, went 1-for-4 with 2 runs, a walk, and two stolen bases.

Game 27: Led off, 0-for-4 with a walk and a run scored.

So to recap, in twenty-seven games Corey Patterson has been used as the leadoff hitter 16 times. His on-base percentage on the year, however, is at .281, the worst among all regular players on the Reds. No manager in his right mind should be using such a creature in the lead-off spot, but who ever said Dusty Baker was in his right mind? Oh right, tons of people.

You know, writing this blog may seem glamorous. What with all the money I make, and the fame accorded to me under an alias ensuring that no one will ever take anything I write seriously, things must look pretty sweet from the outside. However there are some parts of the job that are not so good. Like reading Jay Mariotti columns. The one I read this morning was textbook Jay, asking Cub fans to forgive inept foulmouth Lee Elia for the tirade he unleashed on them 25 years ago today. To wit, with tons of swearing:



So Mariotti wants Cubs fans to "forgive" Lee Elia for that, which means that Jay had no other ideas for today's column. Do Cubs fans still hold this against Elia? Is it overshadowing other more noteworthy accomplishments in his Cubs career? No, the guy was 127-158 in two years as manager. He sucked. And what the hell is with this recent idea of fans having to "forgive" someone for their mistakes? Only idiot baseball fans hold legitimate personal grudges against players/coaches for this kind of stuff. Who cares whether or not they absolve you?

This wouldn't be America if Elia wasn't using his notoriety to try and make a buck. Homeboy is backpedaling hard and has released what may be the worst piece of memorabilia I've ever heard of:

After years of being tortured by the incident, Elia came to town Monday with a new plan for an old story. With a percentage of the proceeds going to Chicago Baseball Cancer Charities, he's selling a Lee Elia Rant kit that includes an autographed baseball and an audio chip with a dramatically different statement to the fans.

"I'll tell you one thing," Elia says on the chip. "It's time the Cubs get hotter than hell this season and stuff it up the rest of the baseball world. The 40,000 fans who fill the ballpark everyday and work hard for a living are no nickel dimers! They deserve a championship. They're real Chicago Cub fans. And print it!"

Eesh.

Update: According to the Chicago Tribune, Elia has a busy day of appearances scheduled so go on out there and unleash some blistering profanities at him, Cubs fans!

In last night's 14-2 rout of the Angels by the Oakland A's, Frank Thomas hit a single, double, and his first triple in six years, collecting 2 RBI and increasing his slugging percentage by 67 whopping points. Well if Frank Thomas is so good, then why did manager Bob Geren pull Thomas for a pinch runner after leading off the bottom of the seventh with a double?

It's almost as if Thomas has already fallen out of favor with his new manager! Bob Geren basically said to Thomas "No cycle for you!" J.P. Ricciardi was right! Frank Thomas is washed up! Sure, the game was much closer at that point as the A's had but a 6-2 lead and yes, Oakland scored eight runs that inning after Geren made the switch, but let's get real here. Bob Geren is just keeping Frank Thomas down! Emil Brown hit a homer in the game...why couldn't Thomas? Jack Hannahan hit a homer in the game...why couldn't Thomas? Heck, even Daric Barton hit his first ding-dong of the year...why couldn't Thomas?

I guess J.P. Ricciardi was right. Frank Thomas is too washed up to play for a last place team; his talents are only going to work on the team with the best record in the American League.

Reds writer, Iracane fave and fashion icon John Fay caught up with Ryan Freel last night. Freel was acting like my 10th grade girlfriend being all huffy and cryptic because he's pissed off about playing time. Apparently his lack of ABs is due to a conspiracy. I can't believe someone that has a little guy living in his head could be so moody!

"I'm trying to be careful about what I say," Freel said. "I've really got nothing good to say right now. There was a lot of stuff said that (was) misinterpreted or mis-communicated this offseason."

"It would have stunned a lot of people if they heard what was said about me. Apparently, I said I couldn't play every day to the manager. Apparently, I told him that this offseason. That would have never come out of (my) mouth."

Paranoid, much? How can he be sure what he said? How does he know Farney didn't say it? Is he calling Dusty Baker and Wayne Krivsky liars? I tried to get a comment from Krivsky but he wasn't getting any bars on his phone from the unemployment line. Freel wasn't done with the cuckoo tallk either:

"I wouldn't talk about this if we were winning. But we're losing. This isn't (the) team we are. We're not an under .500 team."

Oh yeah, Crazyface? I'll bet you $50 you guys finish with a losing record. Do we have a wager?

All words in parentheses were missing from the original article and added by me. Perhaps John Fay could use a copy editor for his blog.

Here's what happened in baseball while I was up against my will:

Yankees 5, Indians 2: Aaron Laffey was called up to the big club in Cleveland to face the hated Yankees and set the Cleve on fire for a couple hours. New York's big bashers hit some very hard and very long outs and managed just three baserunners (and no hits) through the first five innings. The Indians provided two runs of offense off Mike Mussina, and it's Laffey's time to shine! Well, it was Laffey's time to shine until the sixth inning. That's when the Yanks dinked and dunked and loaded the bases on a couple infield hits and scored a couple runs on some ground outs and before you knew it, Laffey was on the losing side and Mussina tied Carl Hubbell on the all-time wins list. Sorry, Indians fans, but Eric Wedge should not be so lucky.

Orioles 3, White Sox 3 (11): This game was suspended because of rain, so I'll write about it whenever Peter Angelos and Jerry Reinsdorf get together and decide to finish up what their respective baseball squadrons have started. Until then, I'll just attack Ozzie Guillen for attempting a squeeze play in the bottom of the tenth with just one out. Carlos Quentin doubled to lead off the inning and moved to third on a fly out by Joe Crede. Guillen then had Brian Anderson attempt to bunt with Quentin hustling his buns down the third base line, but Anderson foul tipped the ball into catcher Ramon Hernandez' glove; Hernandez tagged Quentin for the second out of the inning and Anderson struck out for the third. BOO, OZZIE, BOO!

Reds 4, Cardinals 3: Out in left field during the third inning of this clusterfuck, Chris Duncan misplayed a fly ball off Edwin Encarnacion's bat in the lights and yet was not charged with an error. Goddamn home scorers called this a RBI double. Encarnacion had two doubles (really just one though), two RBI, and a diving Web Gem at third base to lead the Reds. Rick Ankiel hit a solo ding-dong to fulfill my quota of saying ding-dong at least once for every one of these morning recaps I do. Francisco Cordero pitched a scoreless ninth for his fourth save in four whole chances. I'm really tired and there aren't enough baseball games over right now, partly because...

Mets 0, Pirates 0 (ppd, rain): Game of the Night!

Really? The Pirates are participating in the game of the night? How is this humanly possible? The same Pirates who have not had a winning season since 15 years ago when Jim Leyland was the manager and his lungs were only slightly black? The same Pirates whose 10 wins and 15 losses (.400 winning percentage) start is actually considered an improvement? Allow me to answer my own hypothetical questions.

First, the obvious point. The Pirates are visiting Shea Stadium for the last time ever, and start off by facing the best pitcher in baseball: Johan Santana. His 3.12 ERA is certainly not the best in the league, but Johan turns heads and gets our attention whenever he takes the mound. Even if he pitches for the hated Mets.

But really, the Pirates have the tiniest bit of momentum going into tonight's game. They've finally shed Matt Morris' contract (the problem wasn't Matt Morris...it was Matt Morris' contract). They now employ young stud Neal Huntington, having purged Dave Littlefield last year. Things might get a little bit worse before they get better with the rebuilding in Pittsburgh, but at least they have an ace now in Ian Snell.

Snell got hit hard in his last start against the Cardinals, but he had three quality starts prior to that one. He's recorded 21 K's on the season versus 9 walks; hopefully he continues to keep his walk rate at 2 per nine innings. Unfortunately, the defense behind him is not exactly stellar as his BABIP allowed is .355 on the season.

Tonight's matchup features Snell versus Santana and you better believe I'll be watching that Mets-Pirates game instead of my cherished Yankees. I want to like the Pirates, I want them to succeed. And my girlfriend knows someone who used to know Ian Snell or something so my Ian Snell number is like three. That's kinda awesome.

Here at WoW, we do our best to keep you abreast of the latest threats to your well-being. In our constant quest to keep you safe, here's a sampling of recent crimes committed by people wielding baseball bats:

• Two Pennsylvania neighbors that have never gotten along settle things the hard way. With a baseball bat and a steak knife.


• Massachusetts man spills cola on another man's patio; assaulted with aluminum bat for his clumsiness.


• Three teens in Arizona use a baseball bat to steal liquor from a Walgreens. This is appalling. Why can't I buy liquor at Walgreens here?


• There were like a dozen more I had to leave out because people were in critical condition and that's not really conducive to laughter.

Hey kids, let's stay safe out there. And if someone tries to assault you with a baseball bat just remember what your friends at Walkoff Walk always say:

"RUN LIKE THE FUCKING WIND."

New York Times writer Jack Curry recently chit-chatted with Cub hall-of-famer Ernie Banks for a piece Curry was doing about Jim Thome. All-around nice guy Thome recently passed all-around nice guy Ernie Banks on the all-time home run list, and you can absolutely cut the affability between these two sluggers with a knife. Yuck.

Anyway, Curry mentioned he had seen the poorly proofread Ernie Banks statue outside of Wrigley Field, which led Banks to reply:

    "Isn't that something?" Banks said. Then Banks told me he was hoping to add a cool feature to the display. "I want to do something with it so let me run this by you," Banks said. "I want to try and add my voice to it. This way, when people walk by, they'll hear me say, 'Welcome to the friendly confines of Wrigley Field.' I'm going to talk to the Cubs about it."

Good idea, Ernie, but what are visitors to Chicago supposed to feel after you've passed on from this mortal coil? People get creeped out hearing voices from beyond the grave. ZOMBIE ERNIE BANKS NEEDS BRAINS!

• 2:05, Orioles at White Sox: The first place Orioles take on the first place White Sox in the final game of this 4 game series. I think I speak for everyone when I say I totally saw this coming. Baltimore sends Daniel Cabrera to the mound. The flighty righty has acquired a semblance of consistency in his past two starts, and will try and quiet a Sox lineup that has scored 6 runs in each of the last two games. The White Sox counter with Javy Vasquez. Both have identical 4.40 ERAs.

You oughta see the picture in full size to fully appreciate it. Does anyone have a better title for this picture? Enter it below in the comments. Stolen from Defective Yeti.

Subliminal tension and worry are not hallmarks of good sportswriting. Creeping paranoia is not something one should take away from a newspaper recap of a baseball game, but I'll be damned if that's not what I'm picking up in a lot of the writing about Erik Bedard's performance against the A's last night on Sunday. This is from Grumpy Geoff Baker's story in the Seattle TImes:

Bedard is known for ringing up hitters, having fanned more than 200 of them last season to lead the AL. But a nagging hip injury, which put him on the DL after only two starts -- one of them delayed a couple of days -- had caused no end to the hand-wringing and debate amongst fans about the February trade that brought him here from the Baltimore Orioles.

It didn't help that two of the trade's centerpieces, Adam Jones and George Sherrill, came back to haunt Seattle in a tough loss earlier in the week while Bedard sat on the sidelines watching. Nor that the team won't disclose exactly what is causing the inflammation in Bedard's hip, despite swirling rumors the injury is more serious than anyone is letting on.

But aside from some early rust, which led to two of Bedard's four walks issued on the night, the hip didn't appear to be a factor.

Oh, those swirling rumors. They fly in on the winds of dread and whistle through the trees at such speeds that you can almost swear they're saying, "Oooooh. Hip inuries don't tend to resolve themselves very well in pitchers. Ooooooh."

Here's what happened in baseball while knowing how to be a star:

Rangers 10, Twins 0: Livan Hernandez is only 33 years old? Really, Livan? Really? Can I see a copy of his birth certificate? Can we get E:60 to confront him, Punk'd-style on this? No matter how old the thirteen-year vet is, he got absolutely shell-shocked by the Texas Rangers, giving up nine hits and seven runs in less than 3 innings. Milton Bradley hit a three-run tater tot in the first inning and it was all downhill from there for Livan. Well, not really. It was all downhill when he signed with the Twins. They don't got no empanadas in Minneapolis.

Marlins 3, Brewers 2 (10): Wes Helms' extra-innings ding-dong helped Florida win the rubber game in Milwaukee and tighten their stranglehold on the National League East. Jeff Loria and his Fightin' Fish haven't been in first place this late since the glory days of Todd Jones, Carlos Delgado, and Mike Lowell in 2005. Yes, those people all played for Florida just three seasons ago. Bizarre. The Marlins used eight pitchers, including Doug Waechter, while the Brewers used just seven. Only seven, Ned Yost? You've got 14 pitchers on your roster, use 'em more wisely. (Whoops, make that thirteen)

Diamondbacks 2, Padres 1: Brandon Webb continues his reign of terror over the National League West, moving to 5-0 against his division rivals and 6-0 overall. His ERA dropped to 1.98 with six innings and no earned runs allowed, while his rival Jake Peavy just can't catch any breaks. This is the second time this season that the Padres have lost a 2-1 game with Peavy on the mound, the first being that 22-inning ordeal against the Rockies in which Peavy threw eight scoreless innings and recorded eleven strikeouts. Snakes catcher Chris Snyder hit the game-winning home run in the second inning, so he had to wait seven innings to fully celebrate the gravity of his ding-dong.

Rays 3, Red Sox 0: I don't read the Boston dailies so I cannot fully get a reading of the Red Sox' fans feelings about being swept by the Rays and booted out of first place. I'm entirely aware of all the hemming and hawing about the Yankees lack of production in the early going, but allow me to speak for both fanbases when I ask, "WHAT THE FUCK GOT INTO THE DEVIL RAYS?" James Shields collected his first career shutout, albeit against a lineup that lacked David Ortiz, and Rays rookie Evan Longoria hit a seventh-inning solo homer off Josh Beckett. Earlier in the game, Beckett made a shitty pickoff attempt, allowing baserunner Jason Bartlett to scamper to third base. Bartlett scored when J.D. Drew picked up the ball and threw wildly towards home. You call that run unearned? Pfft.

Hey kids, here's what happened last night with the wolves at the door:

• Brewers 4, Marlins 3: Prince Fielder scored on a suicide squeeze (!) then hit a go ahead solo ding dong in the bottom of the eighth to give the Brewers the dramatic win at home. Eric Gagne held the lead (!!) for his seventh (?) save(.)


• Rays 2, Red Sox 1: The Rays revolution will be televised. For two nights in a row against Boston, apparently. Edwin Jackson held the Sox to one run in 7 IP but his counterpart, Clay Buchholz did even better, holding the Rays scoreless through his 7 IP. Unfotunately, Buchholz pitched 8, with the last frame including a two run bomb to Aki Iwomura that just about hit the back wall of the Trop.



• Dodgers 11, Rockies 3: The Dodgers scored ten runs in the first inning, then Brad Penny cruised through 7 scattering 4 hits and sending one umpire to the hospital. Home plate ump, Kerwin Danley took a 96 MPH hard one to the kisser and got knocked out and carried off the field on a stretcher. Word is, he'll be ok. The prognosis is not so good for the Rockies.

Today:

James Shields and the Rays go for the sweep against Josh Beckett and the Red Sox... It's Wang vs. Sabathia in Cleveland as the Indians try and break out the brooms... Struggling Ted Lilly (back up, bitch) is on the mound for the Cubs in Washington...Jon Miller and Joe Morgan take us through tonight's Angels/Tigers tilt. The game is in Detroit, so you know Miller's Hispanic pronunciation won't be the only thing en fuego.

What'd I miss? Lemme know down below.

Here's what's been going on while I was hanging out here and feeling super cool.

• The Yankees and Indians are tied at 3 in the seventh and Joe Buck won't SHUT THE FUCK UP about the NFL Draft. I already hated this asshole, but today has taken it to a whole new level. Listen you waspy pinhead, if I gave a shit about the draft I'd be watching it. Or I'd go to one of seventeen million websites where a bunch of one sport Neanderthals are mashing their fat fingers into their keyboards to discuss each pick. As it is, I'm watching a baseball game, and a damn good one at that. I know you're kind of an idiot but I'd appreciate even your futile attempts to try and broadcast the game that you're looking at, you obtuse dipshit. Yes, I know it's probably a network directive since Fox carries football, but still. Go to hell, Joe Buck.
  
  The Indians beat the Yankees last night but since I'm doing this post at dinner time, you probably already know that.


• The Snakes and Padres are also tied at 7 in the 9th.


• The Orioles improved to 14-9, as Brian Burres' 8 scoreless IP beat the White Sox; The Mets topped the Braves behind a solid start from John Maine; The Tigers bounced back from last night's lost beating the Angels 6-4; The Cardinals beat the Astros on a walkoff single from Skip Schumacher. The game also featured some headhunting and both benches clearing... with no punches thrown. Otis Nixon thinks you're all pussies.

Tonight:

The Red Sox will try to avenge last night's loss against the Rays... Phillies go for two straight against the Bucs... Erik Bedard tries to stop some of the bleeding in Seattle... I stay home and drink High Life because there's no way in hell I'm going to the ROFLCon afterparty.

Enjoy your evening, WoWies. I'll try and be more timely tomorrow!

Hiya pals! After you're super bored with the NFL Draft, tune in this weekend to find out:

• WHICH of these American League first place teams is a paper tiger and which one is the real deal?


• CAN the Red Sox overcome both the flu and Tampa Bay's winning streak with Wakefield, Buchholz, and Beckett throwing to Pena, Longoria, and Hinske?


• WILL sportswriters stop fucking talking about the consarn midges as the Yankees return to Cleveland?


• DO the Pirates have any able-bodies pitchers not named Ian Snell who can defeat the big bat powers of Chase Utley and Pat Burrell?

Then stop by for the answers this weekend as CTC wraps up the ballgames. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

You know how women can have that surgery that makes their ladyparts all "like new again?" I think that's the real reason the following baseball players are out this week.

• Eric Byrnes, Diamondbacks: Byrnes is out with "leg issues," which is a moronic ailment fit for a moron. Care to be a little more vague Eric? Did you slap your legs too hard laughing at the new Meow Mix commercial? Did you impale yourself with a screwdriver trying to open a can of Franks n' Beans? I gotta know man!


• Jermaine Dye, White Sox: Mr. Dye strained his groin. Ouch. That's the one that keeps your dick attached. Teammate Jerry Owens said, "A strain? Who gives a shit? I straight tore my dick attacher and you don't see me crying." Dye had been hitting pretty well, with a .319 avg going into last night.


• Jake Westbrook, Indians: Jake Westbrook sucks. And when he's not sucking he's hurt. This week it's a strained muscle in his ribcage. Somehow all this sucking and getting hurt doesn't prevent Westbrook from making like $25M between now and 2010. Too bad they can't give any of that money to Sabathia.


• Carlos Guillen, Tigers: Just as the Tigers offense is beginning to come together, Guillen is out indefinitely with a severely bruised right knee. Jim Leyland (that asshole) says Guillen "can't even walk." Aw shit, I don't have time for this. Quit exaggerating and get Carla some kneepads. You got a team to run, Pall Mall.


• Milton Bradley & Ian Kinsler, Rangers: Both players are complaining of hamstring soreness making this an open and shut diagnosis. Sexually Transmitted Hamstring Injuries.

Because Commenter Participation Friday is also Classic Television Friday, I bring you this clip from the halcyon days of 1991. Watch Atlanta Brave Otis Nixon take umbrage at Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Wally Ritchie's inside pitches:

Wally Ritchie was suspended just one game while Nixon got four games off to go buy some crack. Commenters, participate! What feud do you think has been brewing long enough that will cause a future brawl in baseball?

In the following video, a bunch of dipshit editors from a newspaper called the Standard-Times (which covers something called the SouthCoast of Massachusetts; never heard of it) try and break a baseball bat. The crumb covered hosers attempt to do so by whacking the hell out of a tree. This is possibly the most boring 3 minutes of video in history, but I'm still kind of pissed they beat up a tree.



Hey kids, what's a better way to break a bat? I have no problem with human violence.

I'll see your Tim Lincecum 16 1/3 scoreless and raise you 5 more. With his CG shutout last night against the Royals, Cliff Lee extended his streak to 21 1/3 innings. In the AMERICAN LEAGUE, MOTHERFUCKERS. Lee's overall numbers are staggering:

31 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 29 K, 2 BB

Christ in a cowboy hat, those are beautiful. It's a shame that of all the people that get to enjoy this mastery it has to be Indians fans. Well, them and shameful ignoramus Steve Phillips. I think I've already mentioned it on WoW but it bears repeating Steve Phillips once called Lee the best left handed pitcher in baseball. He was ridiculed at the time but now it seems Nostrasteveus could be right, two years ahead of time. Albeit we're dealing in small sample size but I could be led to believe that Lee has finally got his shit together.

So in the spirit of Steve Phillips being a clairvoyant genius, I put it to you Participating Commenters : make a prediction that sounds totally retarded now but will be correct in two years.

The Giants and the Padres played the game of the night, with San Francisco prevailing 1-0 behind starter Tim Lincecum's 6 and 1/3 innings of shutout pitching skills. Five-foot-ten Lincecum and six-foot-ten Diamondbacks Padres (I didn't have my coffee yet) starter Chris Young were locking antlers for most of the game until 36-year-old Rich Aurilia hit a solo ding dong that determined the margin of victory, thrusting San Diego into sole possession of last place. Closer Brian Wilson pitched the ninth and collected his seventh save.

With eleven gentlemen left on base, the Padres certainly had their opportunities to score in this game. Tim Lincecum was able to weasel out of bad situations (he walked five!) with his magic. Either that or his 98-MPH fastball: Padre first baseman and slugger extraordinaire Adrian Gonzalez struck out thrice against Lincecum, who had nine K's in the game.

Lincecum now has a 16 and 1/3 inning scoreless streak and leads the majors with 36 strikeouts. He's got 4 wins even though he and the rest of the lineup have only cobbled together sixteen runs in his five starts. They've been well-distributed though because the Giants have won all five of those games. Let's review: they're 5-0 in Lincecum's starts and 5-13 with the rest of those chuckleheads on the mound. In the spirit of "Ian Snell and Four Days of Hell" or "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain", the Giants need a clever saying to describe how outstanding Tim Lincecum is and how awful the rest of the rotation has been. Commenters, participate! What should be this clever saying?

Here's what happened in baseball while I crawled in the dust again :

Braves 7, Marlins 4: Chipper Jones celebrated his 36th (or was it his 38th) birthday with a homer, two singles, and a huge LOL from the dugout as teammate and catcher Brian McCann legged out a triple. Atlanta picked up a win and a game on first place Florida while reliever Manny Acosta became the first Brave pitcher this season to record a second save. The revolving door of closers in Atlanta keeps spinning, though, as Mike Gonzalez is expected back next month after Tommy John surgery kept him out a year.

Tigers 8, Rangers 2: Texas' downward spiral keeps...um..spiraling....uh... in a downward fashion but don't expect any sympathy from crotchety grampa Jim Leyland. His Tigers crossed the plate so many times this series they've got dinnerware service for an entire army. Jason Jennings gave up five hits and five walks and five runs in five innings and is probably suffering flashbacks to his days in Coors Field. The Tigers hit, yes, five home runs in the game, including two taters from the Big Tilde. I just realized that the last time the Rangers were relevant I was downloading Blessid Union of Souls off Napster in my dorm room.

Rays 5, Blue Jays 3: Toronto's week of shame continues with a sweep at the hands of the Tampa Bay Kissimmee Rays. The Rays finally sold out the 9500-seat stadium at Disney World, which is odd, because there was an awesome basketball game on TV between the Orlando Magic and some other professional basketball team! I believe it might have been the playoffs! I love this game! Anyway, Andy Sonnanstine moves to 3-1 and Evan Longoria had a triple. Mediocrity is great!

Nationals 10, Mets 5: The New York Mets cruised to an easy victo...what? They lost? To Washington? And gave up TEN runs? Oliver Perez held the Nats scoreless for the first 4 innings and then gave up three runs before he got pulled in the sixth inning. Aaron Heilman, who has pitched in every other Mets game this season, came in, loaded the bases, and gave up a grand slam to Felipe Lopez. Thanks for coming, Mets fans! Back to Metsploitation.com or Metstravaganza.com or MetsteriousGrowthOnMyNetherRegion.com or whatever silly Mets blog you run.

Hey kids, when you're done riding bikes tune in tonight to find out:

• CAN so far shitty Phil Hughes follow in the footsteps of so far shitty Mike Mussina and not be shitty against the White Sox?


• IS Cliff Lee's stellar start just a mirage, and will he be exposed against Brian Bannister and the Royals?


• WILL the Nationals pull out a win against the Mets, something they haven't done in 4 tries this season?

Then stop by for the answers tomorrow on Commenter Participation Friday. Same WoW time, same WoW channel.

Sometimes people write better than us. Each Tuesday and Thursday WoW gives you our favorite baseball links we've come across.

• David Appelman argues that clutch isn't just for hitters anymore. Go read about starters and relievers and a little something called 'leverage'. Baseball Analysts
  
  
• Ricky Nolasco is adding a splitter to his repertoire. I hope he doesn't call it Mr. Splitty. That's just ridiculous. Fish Stripes
  
  
• Alex Ferreyra gives some due love to Hanley Ramirez, a true fantasy stud. Because fantasy stats never take defense into account. Machochip
  
  
• Paul Sullivan has some not nice words for Congressman Rahm Emanuel, whose praise of the Cubs reveals his complete lack of knowledge about the team. Chicago Tribune Hardball
  
  
• 'duk digs up some fantastic Boston nostalgia on YouTube. I have no feelings towards New England but I friggin' love me some 1993. Big League Stew

Way back when I so aptly previewed the National League West, I predicted that three teams from this division would be contenders and two would make the playoffs. So far, my thoughts about Arizona have proven true: they've got the best record in the majors and are firing on all cylinders. Brandon Webb is 5-0 and fooling hitters everywhere with his sinker. Chris Young, Justin Upton, and Conor Jackson are all mashing the ball as if it were a delicious Yukon Gold potater. The rest of the division, however, is another story entirely. Here are your current NL West standings:

    1. Arizona Diamondbacks (15-6, .724)
    2. Colorado Rockies (9-12, .429)
    2. Los Angeles Dodgers (9-12, .429)
    4. San Francisco Giants (9-13, .409)
    4. San Diego Padres (9-13, .409)

Least surprising on this list would be the lack of competitiveness from the Giants. While they are barely scraping together three runs scored per game, the pitching staff has suffered injuries and even worse, is suffering Barry Zito. Would the Giants consider giving the lefty with an 0-5 record and a 5.61 ERA a couple weeks to regroup? They did it last year with Matt Cain and it worked out well:

When asked if the Giants might consider doing that with Zito, pitching coach Dave Righetti said, "No, because who the hell is going to pitch? We're not that deep in starting pitching. Noah Lowry is hurting now and we're not that deep in Triple-A. We need (Zito) to pitch."

Yikes. As for the Rockies, their bullpen has been the weakness so far. The Dodgers are simply underperforming where they should be. Their three best starting pitchers (Penny, Lowe and Kuroda) match up well with the Diamondbacks' top three. Also, they're outscoring their opponents across the month but little things like 'batting the aged Nomar Garciaparra third' or 'paying Andruw Jones to play baseball' are hurting the team.

I didn't predict the Padres to do very well, so I'm not going to try and find fault with their poor start. Besides first basegentleman Adrian Gonzalez, there are no hitters on that team that strike fear in the hearts of men. It's a shame; superstar first base prospect Kyle Blanks is ready to play, afro and all.