A Close Look At The Near Future: Today's Games

| | Comments (15)
  • 12:30, Phillies at Reds: Cole Hamels takes the mound today, guaranteeing we'll get some traffic from Clare. Sweet. For the young and exciting Reds, it's Bronson Arroyo. This guarantees we'll get traffic from people that listen to Nickelback. Sweet.

  • 1:30, Cubs at Pirates: Ted Lilly looks to improve on his first start of the season, by not getting the living shit pounded out of him. The 3-3 Pirates look to get above .500 this late in the season for the first time since 1642.

  • 3:05, Mariners at Orioles: Carlos Silva eats innings and presumably a metric ton of soft shell crabs as Seattle visits the first place O's. Daniel Cabrera pitches for Baltimore fresh of a disastrous first start. Has a pitcher's season ever been made or broken on his second start of the year? It's a possibility here. He's fragile in the brain.

  • 4:05, Twins at White Sox: Blackburn against Vasquez, brought to you as always by Noah's Arcade.

  • 4:35, Padres at Giants: Greg Maddux gets the start for the Bros. I know it's an early game but someone make sure he gets his rice pudding. You wouldn't like him when he hasn't had his rice pudding. Matt Cain takes a break from digging a tunnel out of the Giants locker room hidden behind a poster of Carrie Underwood to take the hill.

PREVIOUS: Someone's Girlfriend Has Been Reading Too Much Cosmo   |   NEXT: What, No Love For Hiram Bocachica?


Hamels was given a three run lead and is in the middle of fucking it all up. Poor Clare.

My boyfriend John Fay is in the Reds radio booth right now. He's got the charisma of an empty soda can.


At least he's fashionable!

From the San Francisco Chronicle:

...today's home opener, when Cain faces the Padres' Greg Maddux in a matchup of young versus old, power versus finesse.

Really? I thought it was just a matchup of mediocre NL West pitcher versus mediocre NL West pitcher. Shows what I know.

I'll be asleep by the 2nd inning, no doubt.

It's 5-2 Phils now. Arroyo is giving up homeruns like it's his job, as opposed to his actual job of Rock Star.

Daniel Cabrera has no penis.

I have proof.

The Reds are getting runners on base but not bringing them in to score. They are giving John Fay the durst blue balls ever.

if anyone can pound the living shit out of Lilly, it would be the early season Butt-Pirates

that's what happens when the bases are clogged.

Get happy, people...Brad Lidge is in for the first time as a Phillie.

Two hits, an error, two wild pitches, one run and one intentional walk later, and Lidge has his first save as a Phillie. Barely.

Well, Lilly got his shit pounded in the 4th. Yipee!

Cubs blew a 7-0 lead. Game tied at 8 in the ninth now. Sorry Cubs fan(s).

Lidge let a run in. How is that NOT a blown save? I thought you had to hold the lead, not allow any more runs.

It was unearned. If anything, So Taguchi should get the blown save.

And then he should be forced to sniff Cholly's underpants.

Leave a comment