Baseball Before Bedtime: A Hard Day's Night

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Here's what happened in baseball before I was sleeping like a log:

Diamondbacks 4, Dodgers 3: After I left this game for dead after five innings, the managers met behind homeplate and decided to continue the game even though I was no longer liveglogging. Joe Torre is such a trooper! Turns out all the fun happened after I closed up shop. After James Loney broke a 2-2 tie with his sixth inning home run, Eric Byrnes responded with a bases loaded single in the bottom half of the inning off Hiroki Kuroda, the Japanese David Cone. Former Red Sock Brandon Lyon earned the save after completely screwing up his two previous chances.

Mets 8, Phillies 2: The Mets are off the schneid, beating the Phillies for the first time in the teams' past 523 contests. The Phils committed four errors including two by shortstop Eric Bruntlett. Wait, Eric Bruntlett? Oh right, Jimmy Rollins has an ouchie. Well, Phillies infielders, committing four errors is no way to help out your starter Kyle Kendrick. What's that? Kendrick walked six batters in the first two innings? Yecch...Robin Roberts must be spinning in his gra...what's that? He's still alive?

Marlins 10, Nationals 4: It's just over one week into the season which means that the AP baseball writers can bring out purely reactive words like 'surging' and 'slumping'. Already, AP baseball writers? Really? Yes, the 'surging' Marlins have won 4 of 5 games and currently sit in first place. But they've been beating the 'slumping' Nationals, a team that was supposed to suck anyway! So what; they started off the season with three straight wins and have yet to earn win #4. Color me unsurprised. As for the game, Mike Jacobs had two dongs. Color his girlfriend surprised.

Athletics 6, Blue Jays 3: Toronto closer B.J. Ryan may still be rehabbing but no worries, Blue Jays fans, John Gibbons totally trusts Jeremy Accardo. Not to save games, mind you, but rather to blow a save by giving up 4 runs. After a rather serviceable start from Dustin McGowan and holds by Justin Frasor and Scott Downs, Accardo waltzed into the ninth inning to protect a 3-2 Blue Jays lead and Eric Gagne-d all over the mound. Huston Street managed to avoid the same fate and earned a save for my fantas...err, for Oakland.

Tigers 7, Red Sox 2: Oh my stars and garters the Tigers are streaking and the Red Sox are slumping. Seriously though, Detroit's bats came alive and the Tigers got their first win of the season. Edgar Renteria and Marcus Thames provided two RBI each in Detroit's four-run fourth; that was all the offense they'd need as the pitching staff rendered nine Boston hits mostly ineffective. To add injury to impotence, Mike Lowell left the game with a sprained thumb. Detroit closer-cum-blogger Todd Jones did everything in his power to make things interesting in the bottom of the ninth, allowing two hits and a walk but prevented the Sox from plating any runs.

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Jon Miller talking about Kyle Kendrick and prank on You Tube was weird. I bet he has Fire Joe Morgan bookmarked.

Jon Miller ate my balls.

What poem are we discussing today? I recommend Goodnight Moon.

The Japanese David Cone? I thought we talked about this yesterday. Kuroda is the Japanese Glaehme Rroyd.

I should have said the Tigers are 'surging' and it would have completed the Comedic Couplet. Stupid late night blogging...

A scene from last night's Sox game...

futuremrsrickankiel: "BONDERMAN, YOU SUCK!"
[all heads in her section turn to stare]
futuremrsrickankiel: "Er, I'm actually a really nice person."
Guy behind futuremrsrickankiel: "That's how I like my women: hot, drunk, and Red Sox fans."
futuremrsrickankiel: "..."
futuremrsrickankiel: "BONDERMAN, YOU SUCK!"

I'd write about last night's Jays game, but fortunately I missed the debacle and instead went to see the New Pornographers. Much to my surprise, Okkervil River was the opening act. Much better than watching a bullpen collapse, in my opinion.

You can write about John Gibbons' slow descent into alcoholism.

There aren't enough reports of blatant sexual harassment at Fenway. Is this because baseball is an inherently NOT-sexy sport? I mean, in the dead of summer, at a day game, there is talent in that ballpark that would put the BU library/gym to shame, yet I almost never feel compelled to cross any boundaries. What gives?

It's only rape if she says NO-mahhhhhh.

She's not saying "Youuuuuk!", she's saying "Ooooooooh!"

Okkervil River is fucking awesome live.

Funny, Rob - that's the song they closed with (Right after they covered ELO's Don't Bring Me Down)

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