Here's what happened in baseball while you were bombed out on the blues:
Marlins 10, Pirates 4: Yeah I still believe this Marlins team is but a mirage; they're in first place in the NL East but they've notched three wins against Pittsburgh and five wins against Warshington. Those should not count. The three worst NL pitching staffs by ERA are the Nats, the Fish, and the Pirates, three teams that should be contracted and/or absorbed by the Red Sox and Diamondbacks. Okay, enough Marlin-bashing for one day, let's list the things they did well today: (a) Mark Hendrickson actually posts some good numbers (5 K's against 1 BB) in eight innings and collects two hits and an RBI (b) Hanley Ramirez, Josh Willingham, and Dan Uggla hit taters (c) every Fish starter had a hit and a run. Oh wait, this all came off Pirate pitcher Matt Morris? FORGET EVERY NICE THING I SAID. Nate McLouth extended his hitting streak to nineteen games.
Red Sox 8, Rangers 3: John Kruk actually said something cromulent about the Rangers on the ESPN television program Baseball Tonight. In a segment where he was to evaluate what was wrong with Texas, he pointed to their defense and said that if their pitching staff wasn't aces-a-plenty, they'd need good defense behind them in order to succeed. Hey! I agree with John Kruk. It's not just about the errors (although their 22 whoopsies lead the AL) as much as it is about the fact that they're not making the plays they should be making. Their DER is for shit because they're not converting batted balls into outs. Ian Kinsler made a throwing error in this game but it was Milton Bradley's losing an easy fly ball in the sun in left field that led to all the LOLs (and the Sox' fifth run).
Dodgers 9, Reds 3: Brad Penny pitched a good game and Nomahhhhh hit a homahhhhhhh but the REAL story was the promotion of Jerry Hairston Jr up to the big club in Cincinnati. Jerry Hairston and Corey Patterson, together forever in shittiness! Neither Corey nor Jerry started the game but both made an out while pinch-hitting. Pinch-hitting? More like pinch-shitting! I know I'm supposed to be nice to Corey Patterson but he's hitless since the last CPW update and that was a solid week ago. Cripes! Well, he's still out-hitting Andruw Jones, who was moved down to eighth in the Dodgers' lineup.
Cardinals 4, Brewers 3: Eric Gagne FINALLY got a night off, so it was Derrick Turnbow's opportunity to brown the bed for Milwaukee. A double by Brian Barton set up Skip Schumaker's go-ahead double off Turnbow that provided the winning margin in the ninth. In wackier news, Corey Hart misplayed Ryan Ludwick's fly ball in the top of the eighth which led to a Cardinal run and then Ludwick misplayed Corey Hart's fly ball in the bottom of the eighth which lead to a Brewer run. OMG they're totally twin spazzes!
Braves 7, Nationals 3: I feel really bad for saying that the Giants would be the worst team in the majors this year because The Nationals losing ways are even worse than Teddy Roosevelt's awful losing streak. Tim Hudson was masterful but hey, it's just the Nationals.