Baseball Before Bedtime: My Ride's Here

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Here's what happened in baseball while staying at the Marriott with Jesus and John Wayne:

Diamondbacks 4, Giants 1: When I left you at 5:15, the score was 4-1 and the Diamondbacks were coming up to bat in the sixth inning. Not much else happened after that point, except a whole lot more dominance by Mr. Brandon Webb. Neither team scored in the last four innings; Webb finished with eight innings pitched and just five baserunners allowed. Most impressively, he recorded 14 groundball outs among the 29 batters he faced. The other Brandond (Lyon) picked up the save and hasn't blown one in ten whole days. Good show!

Astros 2, Phillies 1: Three huge questions were answered in this game. (1) Will Roy Oswalt return to form? (A) Yes, he pitched seven strong innings. (2) Will Kyle Kendrick pitch well enough to keep his jerb? (A) Yes, he pitched seven strong innings. (3) If the Astros have a lead and it's close and late, who the heck is gonna close for them? (A) Tonight, the answer was Doug Brocail, and not Jose Valverde. Brocail saved the game for Oswalt; former Phillie Michael Bourn scored both Houston runs including his go-ahead ding-dong in the fifth inning.

Marlins 6, Braves 5: Atlanta lost their seventh one-run game of the season to the red hot Florida Marlins, who themselves have four one-run wins. The Braves have won exactly zero games by that slim margin and now sit at 5-8 in the NL East, just ahead of the lowly Warshington Nationals. I don't know how to solve such a quandary; it just seems like a wheelbarrow full of bad luck. Perhaps Bobby Cox needs a vial filled with gypsy tears to turn his fortunes around. Tim Hudson had an unsatisfactory start, getting pulled after allowing four runs in just three innings. Mike Jacobs collected his National League-leading sixth home run. The artist formerly known as Luis González contributed a pinch-hit two-run tater in the seventh, helping the extremely mediocre Mark Hendrickson pick up the win.

White Sox 3, Orioles 1: That one-game suspension shore was restful for Jim Thome. His three-run dong in the top of the first inning off Baltimore starter Adam Loewen was all Chicargo needed to beat the fading O's. Manager Ozzie Guillen was confident before the game that Thome would snap out of his slump. How prescient! Jose Contreras was efficient enough to keep the game time under 2 and a half hours, striking out 6 and walking none. All 12,000 people in attendance at Camden Yards were pleased that they were able to get home in time for Top Chef. They'd have been home even earlier if Loewen hadn't walked five White Soxen. Awful!

Yankees 15, Red Sox 9: Yecccchhh, what a stinker. Even Yankee fans can't be pleased with this one. Both starters (Chien Ming-Wang and Clay Buchholz) got bombed, every Yankee starter scored, and Kevin Youkilis got an ouchie on his toe. The game took well over four hours, and I am really tired from watching it (read: really tired from listening to Michael Kay).

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I witnessed men in pinstripes cross home plate so many times last night that the image is seared onto my retinas.

You will give me your tears gypsy, or I will take them from you.

Hitting into 3 double plays doesn't help the cause too much either. Stupid 1 run games.


Well the beer helps.

Can ESPN cease with the programming schedule at three hours when it is Sawks/Yanks?
My DirecTV guide just laughed when I scrolled to see what was on next, at about 9:45.

You hate Michael Kay too? We should hang out.

And by "hang out," I mean "insert rabid porcupines up Kay's rectum."

FOUR HOURS?! Forget that AL nonsense, Iracane. I love me some baseball, but I don't love it (or anything) four hours at a time worth.

Then stay away from NASCAR. I hear those races last 53 hours or something.

Clare, the longest 9-inning game in the history of professional baseball was on August 18 of 2006. That shit was 4 HOURS 45 MINUTES LONG.

Guess which two teams were playing.

And avoid sex with Sting, too.

You should probably do that on principle.

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