Bat Attack Roundup, Monday April 28, 2008

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palm_smash_bat.jpgHere at WoW, we do our best to keep you abreast of the latest threats to your well-being. In our constant quest to keep you safe, here's a sampling of recent crimes committed by people wielding baseball bats:

  • Two Pennsylvania neighbors that have never gotten along settle things the hard way. With a baseball bat and a steak knife.

  • Massachusetts man spills cola on another man's patio; assaulted with aluminum bat for his clumsiness.

  • Three teens in Arizona use a baseball bat to steal liquor from a Walgreens. This is appalling. Why can't I buy liquor at Walgreens here?

  • There were like a dozen more I had to leave out because people were in critical condition and that's not really conducive to laughter.

Hey kids, let's stay safe out there. And if someone tries to assault you with a baseball bat just remember what your friends at Walkoff Walk always say:

"RUN LIKE THE FUCKING WIND."

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8 Comments

There were like a dozen more I had to leave out because people were in critical condition and that's not really conducive to laughter.

Oh, boo. Cockblocker.

crimes committed by people wielding baseball bats

I'm pretty sure Julio Lugo continuing to suck up air and Gatorade in the Red Sox dugout constitutes grand felony.

In which Rob Iracane and Camp Tiger Claw intelligently and humorously debate the present state of baseball.

ehhhhhhhh

This feature has potential.

Never bring a steak knife to a baseball bat fight

That guy has the wrong grip for a southpaw swing.

Two Pennsylvania neighbors that have never gotten along settle things the hard way.

I bet neither of those neighbors was Ryan Howard. He hasn't hit anything with a bat all year. HIYOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

The daughter of the Walgreen's founder is an alocholic so they stopped selling liquor at Walgreen's.

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