Hold On, I'm Coming: Today's Afternoon Games

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  • 12:40 Mariners at Rays: Miguel Batista takes the alto sax out of his gaping maw and will try and help Seattle win their third straight. Edwin Jackson is on the mound for the Rays. Jackson threw 6 innings of 1 hit ball against the Yankees in his first start. The Rays are already banged up. Newly acquired pitcher Matt Garza is on the DL and was followed there yesterday by Cliff Floyd. Ol' Cliffy gets jealous when people get to sit out and he doesn't.

  • 1:05, Reds at Brewers: Aaron Harang looks like a friendlier version of the Undertaker. Or a half man/half basset hound. Either way, he's pitching pretty well and will take on Carlos Villanueva. Cincinnati exploded for 12 runs last night, and there are pieces of people everywhere. It's really gory and I think I'm probably going to hurl.

  • 5:05, Orioles at Rangers: I'm making an executive decision to call 5:05 the afternoon. It's well before I'd eat dinner, and at this time of year it's still really light out. If you disagree with my decision please email Jesus (xoSonOfGodxo@aol.com) and tell him to stop making the spring so goddamn beautiful. Last night's game was rained out so this is the first of two, with Adam Loewen taking on Kason Gabbard. Don't email Jesus asking him how the Orioles are 6-1. He has no idea either.

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What, no yakety sax?

Apparently, Colorado had that email address prior to this post.

I'm listening to the Reds/Brewers brouhaha and unfortch, it's the Brewers radio crew SO I DON'T GET TO HEAR MY BOYFRIEND JOHN FAY.

Shit, though...I got UECKER

And the Braves Rockies game has been postponed due to snow.

Good job on the scheduling there, MLB.

I'm not who just pissed me off more, Corey Patterson or Richie Sexson.


1-1 tie game, Bob Uecker was just talking about blogs and how he misspelled the word all the time. He searched the Internet for "bloogs" and then couldn't figure out why he wasn't finding anything.

Uecker was juuuuuust a bit outside with that spelling. Besides, its blawg.

Uecker doesn't conduct internet searches himself. He has a jolly british butler handle all that.

Jesus also seems to love the Rangers, as last nights game wasn't just rained out, it was tornado-ed out. Don't say Jesus ain't merciful, cause he didn't want them to have to lose another one to the Orioles.

Next, in a very special episode, Mr. Belvedere finally does that search for "furries" for Uecker.

Francisco Cordero, current Reds closer and former Milwaukee closer, just got booed lustily by the Brewers crowd.

That's $4 million worth of boos.

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