Lee Elia Is A Traveling Salesman

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You know, writing this blog may seem glamorous. What with all the money I make, and the fame accorded to me under an alias ensuring that no one will ever take anything I write seriously, things must look pretty sweet from the outside. However there are some parts of the job that are not so good. Like reading Jay Mariotti columns. The one I read this morning was textbook Jay, asking Cub fans to forgive inept foulmouth Lee Elia for the tirade he unleashed on them 25 years ago today. To wit, with tons of swearing:

So Mariotti wants Cubs fans to "forgive" Lee Elia for that, which means that Jay had no other ideas for today's column. Do Cubs fans still hold this against Elia? Is it overshadowing other more noteworthy accomplishments in his Cubs career? No, the guy was 127-158 in two years as manager. He sucked. And what the hell is with this recent idea of fans having to "forgive" someone for their mistakes? Only idiot baseball fans hold legitimate personal grudges against players/coaches for this kind of stuff. Who cares whether or not they absolve you?

This wouldn't be America if Elia wasn't using his notoriety to try and make a buck. Homeboy is backpedaling hard and has released what may be the worst piece of memorabilia I've ever heard of:

After years of being tortured by the incident, Elia came to town Monday with a new plan for an old story. With a percentage of the proceeds going to Chicago Baseball Cancer Charities, he's selling a Lee Elia Rant kit that includes an autographed baseball and an audio chip with a dramatically different statement to the fans.

"I'll tell you one thing," Elia says on the chip. "It's time the Cubs get hotter than hell this season and stuff it up the rest of the baseball world. The 40,000 fans who fill the ballpark everyday and work hard for a living are no nickel dimers! They deserve a championship. They're real Chicago Cub fans. And print it!"


Update: According to the Chicago Tribune, Elia has a busy day of appearances scheduled so go on out there and unleash some blistering profanities at him, Cubs fans!

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Camp Tiger Claw just closed the book on Lee Elia.

No, seriously, he flew to Chicago and assassinated him.

And boy are my arms tired.

Why is everyone ever associated with the Cubs batshit insane/convinced that their own prerecorded conversations are in some way relevant and significant (e.g. Ernie Banks yesterday)? Am I going to be subjected to a talking Derrek Lee doll or a CD of Lou Piniella's dugout farts next? WHY CUBS WHY

I personally recommend the 52-CD box set of Ron Santo's collected sighs and random outbursts.

I've never met a Cubs fan that didn't think Elia's rant was hilarious. Or a Cardinal fan that didn't think that somehow they busted your balls by bringing it up.

Not to come across like a prude or anything, but I was just reflecting on this and I think that is actually the first time I have ever typed the word "farts".

Second time!

Mariotti should be asking Cubs fans to forgive his father for not pulling out.

I would buy the best of Lou Pinella's dugout farts on iTunes. And then set it as a ringtone on my phone and have it go off in meetings.

Three cheers for comment threads devolving into fart jokes!

This thread has really gone "down the tubes" HAHA get it like a toilet

FutureMrs wins comment of the FARTnight.

Better rant?: Elia's or Lasorda going batshit on the reporter asking what he thought of Kingman's performance .... after Kingman hit three ding-dongs and drove it eight?


@The Kid

It's most exquisite when a Cardinals fan tries to bust your balls for Lee Elia while he's wearing T-shirt with a hole cut in the back to show off his bad ass tattoo.

To wit: http://www.insidestl.com/stlsports/index.php?storyid=368

Fart jokes make baby Jesus cry.

Jesus is just crying because he's laughing so hard.

Well when you have too many burger jokes, the fart jokes just happen, its natural

oh my god I can die happy now

i just shit my pants

@ freetzy: I'm shocked (SHOCKED!) that picture wasn't featured on Deadspin.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.

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