Padres' and Giants' Offenses Battle for Supreme Inadequacy

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The San Francisco Giants have scored but 4 runs in their last two games but have won both of 'em. In the baseball blogging business, we call that 'luck'. Sure, we could sit here and talk about how wonderful the Giants' starting pitchers are, but what fun would it be to be so consarn positive?

Two nights ago, Bengie Molina was the hero and last night, first baseman Dan Ortmeier provided the only offense in a Giants 1-0 win over the San Diego Padres. Ortmeier came up in the bottom of the ninth of a scoreless tie with a runner on second and two outs. He knocked a double over the head of Padres' center fielder Jim Edmonds (looks like someone lost a step or 39) and the Giants had their second walkoff win in two days. Nice win, but what about the rest of the game?

The Giants' top six hitters combined to go 3-for-19 in the game, while the entire Padres' lineup went 4-for-28. We all expected the Giants offense to be miserable but what of the young studs in San Diego? Kevin Kouzmanoff 1-for-4 with 2 K's. Adrian Gonzalez 0-for-4 with 2 K's. Scott Hairston 0-for-2. Heck, even Garry Templeton went hitless. Jeez Padres...nice way to support starter Justin Germano. Germano has not allowed a run in 13 innings pitched this season but his offense has supported him with the same number of runs: zero. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Ray Kroc's corpse took the microphone at the next Padres' home game and apologized to the crowd for his team's poor play.

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Pshh Ray Kroc never bothered to apologize for that time the milkshake machine at the McDonald's down the street from me was broken even though I reeeeeeeeally wanted a frosty chocolate milkshake. Forget the crappy offense, Ray... WHERE'S MY GODDAMN MILKSHAKE?!

San Francisco would have scored more, but every time someone tried to cross the plate, 10,000 people blocked the baseline and threw water.

That's why Bruce Bochy wanted to play the game at Candlestick. To throw off all those fucking 'human rights advocates'.

Also, he wasn't gonna tell Ray Durham. This prank is known as "CandlestickRolling".

I fucking hate Jim Edmonds.

Man, that felt good.

Can Matt Cain hit? He could use Barry Zito as a bat.

Tim Lincecum looks at Matt Cain's career numbers and shudders.

But what did Bacon Pants do? I MUST KNOW FOR I LOVE HIM DESPERATELY.

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