Rays Schedule "Major Announcement" For Today; May Have Nukes

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Bullhorn-713752.jpgMarc Topkin of the St. Pete Times Union reports the Rays have scheduled a major announcement for 1 o'clock today. He speculates they've signed one of their young stars. I have other ideas.

They're financing the extermination of the approximately 27,000 ex pro wrestlers that live in the Tampa/St. Pete area.
  • They're cross promoting with Sea World and Carlos Pena gets a raw herring each time he hits a home run.

  • Joe Maddon is going to share his recipe for Roasted Red Pepper Pesto, and expound on the subtleties of the new Sun Kil Moon record.
  • Hey, it's Commenter Participation Friday so leave your guesses below. Also, we could use a catchier name for Commenter Participation Friday so leave those ideas too.

    Update: They signed Evan Longoria to a long term deal. I say it's about time, that guy has really paid his dues! Ugh. I like all your ideas better.

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    How about Reader Rite-In Reckoning Day?

    Also, the Rays' announcement involves Fred McGriff, a dozen goats, and a kiddie pool full of coconut milk.

    - Revealing that Rocco Baldelli was the first-ever human made of fingernail clippings and dry pasta.

    Finally the day of judgment has come, and the Trop will leave this mortal coil for its new home, Blisstonia.

    Widespread Panic is playing!

    Five Dollar Lapdance Wednesday? (all lapdances given by Raymond)

    Around here, we're calling it Earthquake Day. Not sure that works for this site tho.

    It's a pun, but Joe Maddon kind of secretly likes puns. In fact, he often includes them in his lyrics. Anyway, the announcement is that Major Dad will throw out the first pitch at "Armed Forces Day" at Tropicana Field.



    They signed Mike Hampton so Rocco has someone to hang out with.

    Akinori Iwamura is going to be sipping cocktails with his lady at Studio B all Summer. Go down and see him sometime, motherfucker.

    Someone Else Create Some Fucking Content for Once Friday?

    Wade Boggs has signed on as team nutritionist.

    Let's All Quit Heroin Friday?

    They've signed Jose Lima.

    Everybody Make Out Friday!

    They're changing their name again; this time, from "Rays" to an unpronounceable symbol.

    Or maybe they're announcing that it's Everybody Make Out Friday!

    How about "We're sorry the animal we're based on killed Steve Irwin because if it hadn't we may never have had to deal with the soul-chilling sing-rapping nonsense of that insufferable twat daughter of his" Day?

    His daughter sing-raps?

    Quivering Mound of Comment Love-Pudding Friday?

    Like Bone Thugs? "Bone-bone bone-bone bone-bone, bone, bone, bone."



    - Putty

    The team is abandoning their career in popular music, becoming Muslim and changing their name to Yusuf Islam.

    BREAKING NEWS: Apparently Evan Longoria (*~*SWOON*~*) will be shackled to the Rays for 9 more years.

    @ Phony Gwynn: thanks a lot for the linx. About time that little leach started contributing to the Irwin Empire.

    can we call this No-Idea Mush-Brain Day?

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