Seattle Beats Texas; John McLaren: "Those Hoes Got Served"

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penguin.jpgAfter the Angels suffered some injuries in camp, the Mariners became a trendy pick for the AL West despite a lineup that looks like this. Well, last night the Mariners ran into some adversity of their own when JJ Putz was put on the DL with a rib cage injury.

HOWEVA, in a move that showed some real versatility, Miguel Batista, a former closer, came in for Putz and closed out the game. One of my favorite punching bags, Carlos Silva pitched well through 7 and then the renaissance man and shitty music aficionado shut it down in the 9th. The move was seemingly preordained earlier in the day, and allowed Batista and John McLaren to share a LOLlipop after the game:

And the fortune cookie Batista had to finish off his pregame dinner declared: "Someone will need your help this month."

When Batista showed John McLaren what fortune cookie he had drawn at dinner, the Mariners manager exclaimed: "Oh, no you didn't!"
Girlfriend, that is off the hook! Iss almost like dat fortune teller cookie knew it wuz ur between starts throwing day!

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Batista misinterpreted that fortune. While he was getting that save, his grandmother was lying on her bathroom floor with a broken hip, shattered like a handful of graham crackers.

DAMN!!!!1!!1! Dat shitz iz maddd, um, fortutitous.

Tomorrow on Ricki Lake: I once was a zero, but now I'm a major-league manager. You dissed me then, so I make the double-switch now!

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