- 1:05, Phillies at Mets: It's the final home opener for Shea Stadium. I'm sure you're already sick of the hoopla, what with Animal Planet running it's "Great Moments In Shea History" segments ad nauseum. The pitching matchup pits Jamie Moyer against Oliver Perez. I picked Chase Utley in that New York Daily News Player Pool for this week , so expect him to go 0-11 with ten strikeouts and one line drive directly off of his own face.
- 2:05, Detroit at Boston: The Fenway home opener packed my bus with townies this morning. Excuse me, maam. Your Sox jersey, hat, jacket, earrings, sweatpants, coffee cup and logo emblazoned english muffin are all very becoming, but COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE TO THE BACK OF THE GODDAMNED BUS SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN GET ON? Kenny Rogers takes on Daisuke Matsuzaka in a duel I've dubbed, "The Gambler vs. The Japanese Guy." Clever, eh?
- 2:05, Orioles at Rangers: Two teams that don't look nearly as horrible as I predicted collide in the Arlington home opener. Brian Burres takes the hill for the 2008 World Series Champion Orioles, while Jason Jennings looks to rebound from a tough firs start for the Rangers. Tamale!
- 4:05, Yankees at Royals: The Yanks are in town for the Royals home opener and I expect a huge draw. You'll have the Royals fans flush with anticipation for the '08 season, and you'll also have the lame ass Kansas City teenagers who didn't have the balls to stick with the horrible Royals teams of the 90s and became Yankees fans. Young Phil Hughes toes the rubber for New York (I don't think that's the right way to put it on) and Brian Bannister does the same for the Royals.
Consider this your open thread for the afternoon game. We're building a community of slackers here, people.