Walkoff Walk Crimestopper Private Eye Detective Club #1

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wanted.jpgTroubling news out of Australia today:

Five teenagers brandishing baseball bats and a machete rampaged through a school in Sydney on Monday, smashing windows, terrorizing students and hitting a teacher over the head, police said. Eighteen other people were slightly hurt.

The five, between the ages of 14 and 16, were arrested after storming into suburban Merrylands High School and would likely be charged with assault and other crimes, Police Detective Inspector Jim Stewart said.
Police say they have no motives... but that's only because I'm not on the squad. As soon as I saw "baseball bats" and "Australia" the alarms went off in my head. After some careful research and a 20 minute nap, I found exactly what I was looking for:

Former MLB pitcher Graeme Lloyd is from Australia and this week just happens to be his 41st birthday. Coincidence? Eat shit. This isn't just some roving band of teenage ne'er-do-wells. No, this is a highly dangerous religious sect that pays tribute to the perceived wonders of Dark Llord Graeme Lloyd by extracting the blood of unbelievers. I also wouldn't rule out Wallaby Rape.

It's as simple as that.

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Dave Nilsson was carrying the machete because he couldn't hit a goddamn thing with a baseball bat.

In Australia, do they run the bases clockwise instead of counter-clockwise?

A quick review of Lloyd's vital statistics confirms that he fulfills the minimum requirements of Dark Llord by being at least six foot four and full of muscle.


Maybe the dingo ate your baby?

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