Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: Diamondbacks @ Giants, 4/16/08

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Today's liveglog will go from 3:45PM until 5:15PM. I'd like to do more but I have an urgent meeting at 5:30PM, so you're going to have to follow along with the MLB Gameday doodad after that point.

Hey, this is the second week in a row that the Diamondbacks are part of the ol' liveglog. Good thing they are the most potent offense in baseball so far...they should pad their stats today against lefty Barry Zito of the Giants. Zito will face all righties today except Stephen Drew. Three different hitters have five home runs so far: Chris Young, Mark Reynolds, and Justin Upton; the team is scoring well over 6 runs per game. The D-Backs send ace Brandon Webb to the mound, so I'm not expecting much of a contest.

Hop the jump to follow the glog!

Young CF
Byrnes LF
Hudson 2B
Jackson 1B
Reynolds 3B
Upton RF
Snyder C
Drew SS
Webb RHP

Lewis LF
Velez 2B
Winn CF
Molina C
Bowker RF
Castillo 3B
Aurilia 1B
Bocock SS
Zito LHP

3:38PM: Our announcers today are Jon Miller and Dave Flemming. Finally, I can listen to the dulcet tones of Jon Miller without the dullard tones of Joe Morgan.

3:45PM: First pitch is underway from Zito to Young and it's a...ball.

3:49PM: Young lines a single over Bocock's head. Zito has a 2.73 ERA versus Arizona in his career. I'd think that will be heading for the high 3's or low 4's after today's game, but knowing my predictive skills, Barry will instead pitch a shutout. Byrnes grounds to Bocock who turns a quick double play through Velez.

3:52PM: CTC's double entendre comment below is so funny, I feel I have to quit the blog. Jeez. Orlando Hudson grounds out to Bocock.

3:55PM: True Brandon Webb facts: he's 3-0 this year, grew up in Kentuckah, and he just struck out Fred Lewis on three pitches.

3:56PM: Webb has allowed but twelve hits combined in his three starts, his wife's name is Alicia, and he struck out Eugenio Velez on a changeup in the dirt.

3:57PM: Brandon is six-foot-two, attended the University of Kentucky, and just struck out Randy Winn to end the inning.

4:01PM: Conor Jackson is the only Diamondback to have a career home run off Zito. He's also hit two homers in the first two games of this series. Translation: he will inevitably tear his ACL today. Oh, he just walked.

4:05PM: Barry Zito is a real nutjob, eh? Is this story true? "He once made it a practice to buy his own autographed baseball cards on eBay; when asked why he bought them at auction for high prices rather than acquiring unsigned cards and signing them himself, Zito replied, "Because they're authenticated." Either way, Zito just walked Mark Reynolds. Two on, no out.

4:08PM: Zito just keeps working away, away, away to these right-handers and it's not working. he just walked Justin Upton on four pitches to load the bases with zero outs.

4:12PM: Chris Snyder is 5-for-7 career against Zito. He's worked a full count and he's fouling off a bunch of pitches. He's ten pitches into the at-bat...strike three called!

4:15PM: Stephen Drew pops out to Bowker, who rockets a throw home. Jackson was bluffing anyway. Dumb rookie. Brandon Webb bloops a single to left on a 2-0 count...two runs come in and the D-Backs take a 2-0 lead. Jeez...Barry got two solid outs with the bases loaded and loses a matchup with the opposing pitcher. Here comes Dave Righetti to either calm Barry's nerves or inject him with rhinoceros tranquilizers.

4:18PM: Chris Young pops out to Velez. Hey it only took Zito 38 pitches to get through the second inning.

4:23PM: Jon Miller just decided to pronounce the word "schedule" like "SHED-you-ull" and the word "mobile" like "MOW-bye-ull". Thanks for that info, Jon. Bengie Molina lines out to Drew.

4:26PM: Base hit for John Bowker. Kid is hot hot hot! He's got 7 hits in 11 at-bats with a triple and two home runs. "'s like a second language to me, Dave" says Jon Miller. Huh? Now Miller is talking about shopping iTunes for videos to download to his iPod, but a GIDP by Jose Castillo abruptly ends the inning and his anecdote.

4:30PM: This is a Dave Flemming inning so we'll have to wait a while to hear what Miller was going to download. Any guesses out there in commentingland? Byrnes pops out to Bocock, who collides with Lewis but holds on to the ball. One away.

4:31PM: Hudson lines out to Bocock and Jackson flies out to deep left. Quick inning Barry!

4:34PM: One pitch, one out for Webb...Aurilia grounds out. Here comes Bocock for his first ever ever ever at-bat against Webb. Bocock lines out to Drew. I don't care if Drew went to your alma mater, CTC...he's a punk!

4:36PM: I love Brandon Webb for working fast. Zito grounds out and we're off to the fourth inning.

4:39PM: The game's pace can be best-described as brisk. Reynolds flies out to center and Upton strikes out swinging. I'm having the time of my life! Snyder grounds out to end the inning.

4:46PM: I'm still waiting to find out what Jon Miller was going to download from the iTunes store. Do they sell fetish pornography videos on that thinger? Dave Flemming is enjoying a Cuban sandwich between innings...and New Mexico turkey sausages with garlic fries. "The broadcast is kinda getting in the way of my feast". This is my kinda announcer! Fred Lewis reaches on an infield single...Hudson was playing too deep to get the dribbler.

4:48PM: Eugenio Velez lines a double past Byrnes in left...Lewis is a fast fellow and he has no trouble scoring without a throw to the plate. 2-1 'Zona.

4:50PM: Winn grounds out to Jackson at first but Velez does not advance, thinking the ball was caught before it bounced. Poor guy.

4:55PM: Molina grounds out 4-3 and there are two down. Velez advances to third with John "The Goddamned Natural" Bowker coming up. True story: Bowker was a dirtbag. That Wikipedia entry is atrociously written and should be deleted. Other former dirtbags include Troy Tulowitzki, Jered Weaver, and I think Evan Longoria. Anyway, Bowker strikes out because he has no sense of drama.

5:00PM: Hey it's the top of the fifth...doesn't this mean something? No, nevermind that's the bottom of the fifth. Drew singles, and Webb follows by grounding a ball to Hudson who begins the double play by throwing it to Bocock, who drops the ball. That's an error. No outs, two on.

5:04PM: Young grounds to Castillo, who gets Webb at second with the force out. Young is safe at first...runners on the corners with one out. Byrnes hits a grounds rule double just over the reach of Randy Winn. Only one run scores, though...Young totes would have made it from first but has to return to third because of those wacky grounds rules. Hudson bloops a dinky dunker to center...Young scores, Byrnes is trying to score from's the throw from Winn....Molina's tag time! He's out!

5:05PM: It's 4-1 D-backs with two outs and here's Conor Jackson. Jackson bloops one over second baseman Velez...who makes a wildly amazing catch! Middle of the fifth.

5:08PM: It's the bottom of the fifth which, at Walkoff Walk, is always the Triple Play inning. If the Diamondbacks turn a triple play, the first commenter to answer this trivia question gets a star at Deadspin. Q. How many times have I liveglogged a full game at WoW?

5:09PM: Castillo just grounded out. Thus ends the stupid contest. Aurilia just grounded out too. Why is he still employed as a baseball player? He's gotta be 58 years old. Damn, Bocock just grounded out and Webb had a five-pitch inning. Cripes!

5:15PM: Well folks, this ends your broadcast day. There is no way I'm starting a Barry Zito-pitched inning right'll last well past my 5:15 stopping point. Please follow along with the gametrackingdoodad if you'd like to know what happens. Thanks for joining me today, and I promise I'll finish one of these things someday.

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I look at that SF lineup and say "Zito follows Bocock? More like 'Zito would love some Mo'cock!'" LOL!!!1!

Winn I Bowker I put my Bocock in Snyder.



I bet Joe Morgan is handsomer than stupid old Dave Flemming.

Thank god you're doing this off the radio so I don't have to read the words "looping curveball."


Ok - now do Tinker, Evers and Chance.

Fred Lewis still leads the league in Anachronistic Name Percentage.

I used to read Dulcet and Dullard in Boys' Life all the time when I was a kid.

[examines Giants' lineup]

Whither Bacon Pants? WHITHER, I ASK YOU?!

He has ouchy ribs.

Maybe from Clare abuse? You have to treat your toys better, Clare, or they get taken away like this.

Wait, so he doesn't believe it's really his own autograph unless it's certified by a third party?

Walks the bases loaded. Receives middle finger from troops.

No, that's not my doing, that's all Texas Gal. Bacon Pants belongs to her; I just get him when she tires of his grindyness.

Overheard from Chris Snyder to the umpire:

"I didn't steal your shirt OR your girlfriend. Come see me at Studio B sometime motherfucker! I'll be sipping cocktails with my lady all summer!"

Oh lord! Righetti just sprayed him with Smilex!

Righetti is great when garnished with a zesty marinara sauce; for a lighter, summer dish, try Zito tossed with broccoli and chicken.

Jon Miller does more ridiculous ethnic pronunciations than Alex Trebek. Wait what, schedule and mobile are just regular words? Fuck you, Miller.

It's always fun when Miller tries to sound Spanish every time he says a Latin name.


Miller is obsessed with ITunes. Two sundays ago he was trying to explain to Morgan how to download the new "ARE EEE EMM record from Itunes and put it on your ITunes." He musta just found out it's called an Ipod.

Bocock already has 36 assists. That's incredible.

Fred Lewis was a Bocock-knocker on that play

Wow. This is some talent.

I love Brandon Webb for working fast.


I can't remember a game going this quickly since that time I cfell asleep at a Marlins game and was unconscious for 7 innings.

It was awesome.

WTF are "New Mexico turkey sausages with garlic fries," and how can I have them delivered to my face in the next 5 minutes?

Dave Flemming is enjoying a Cuban sandwich between innings...and New Mexico turkey sausages with garlic fries.

Pshh it's no In-N-Out Burger and you know it.

[I will make my own goddamn burger jokes if I have to]

Eugenio Velez has lez in his name.

I think Miller was downloading some Britney Spears so he can let his colleague Mike Patrick know what she's doing with her life.


Ya gat damn right Evan Longoria was a Dirtbag.

So was my fucknut Yankees fan ex-boyfriend. Go figure.

Are we at the point where we can field an entire team of Molinas yet? No? Damn.


@ Renegade

Only if we put Alfred at first.

I think the answer to that question is 1.

Damn, I missed the liveglog. C'mon Iracane, be unemployed like CTC.

/commenter execution in 3...2...

Not unemployed yet. But I will be as soon as my boss finds this blog.

The food at AT&T is tittyballs. Their Cha-Cha Bowls > Cuban Sandwiches. Too bad the fans blow and would rather hang out across the street drinking wine at MoMo's.

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