Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club: White Sox @ Twins, 4/30/08

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Is this really the first regular season game I'm liveglogging between two American league teams? Well, I've only done three liveglogs so far so don't get your pantaloons in a knot.

Today's game features the White Sox and Twins facing off in the ol' Metrodome. The light-hitting White Sox face Minnesota rookie pitcher Nick Blackburn for the second time this season. They've already served him the injustice of a no-decision in a 7-5 White Sox win that saw Blackburn give up but 2 runs in five innings of work.

The even lighter-hitting Twins will face White Sox spot starter Nick Masset, who made his only other major league start last year against the Cubs at Wrigley Field. Masset's earlier appearance against the Twins was a huge mess as he allowed five runs in 3 innings of relief on April 20th.

Joe Christensen, yet another sportswriter who should not be using his own headshot in his blog's sidebar, has the lineups. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I HAVE THE LIVEGLOG AFTER THE JUMP.

1:01PM: The first pitch will be soon, so says Kirby Puckett's ghost.

1:06PM: This game will prove to be quite the Nicksplosion.

1:13PM: The Twins radio team is John Gordon and Dan Gladden. In the offseason, the Twins keep Dan Gladden frozen cryogenically to prevent spoilage. He'll be around for at least 525 more years. Nick Swisher just led off against Nick Blackburn with a four pitch walk.

1:18PM: Orlando Cabrera flied out to Delmon Young in right. Edgar Renteria tents his fingers in approval. Those wacky Colombians! Jim Thome lines a double to right center, driving in Swisher. Thome tries to stretch this into a triple but Carlos Gomez got the ball in to Nick Punto real quick-like, who throws Thome out at third. Jermaine Dye pops up to end the inning. It's 1-0 White Sox.

1:21PM: Carlos Gomez shits all over Nick Masset's first pitch. Well not literally, but he just got a single. Hey, Fieldin Culbreth just called a balk on Masset! With a name like Fieldin Culbreth, it has to be good. Brendan Harris just sac-bunted Gomez to third, proving that Ron Gardenhire has zero faith in his team's offense.

1:26PM: Hey, Joe Mauer's back! In POG form! He walked on four pitches, putting runners on the corners and bringing up Justin Morneau with but one out. I cannot mention Justin Morneau without spitting on the ground and cursing his name, for that sham of an MVP race back in aught-six. SHAM! SHAM! Oh, hey, Morneau struck out because his career is a sham.

1:30PM: Michael Cuddyer fixes what Justin Morneau broke by singling to right and driving in Carlos Gomez. We're knotted at one, and I think John Gordon just belched. He politely excused hisself, though. Good on ya, John. Masset strikes out Jason Kubel to end the inning. It's 1-1 after one.

1:36PM: John Gordon sounds like an excited version of Bob Uecker, or rather, a version of Bob Uecker who hasn't suffered through years and years of miserable failure. How long before Mrs. Uecker finds his lifeless body spent from an autoerotic asphyxiation session gone awry? Oh, Blackburn got Carlos Quentin to strike out swinging and induced Joe Crede to fly out. Brian Anderson, however, singled. Juan Uribe grounds out to Mike Lamb at third to end the inning.

1:42PM: Delmon Young is on fire! Well yes, he has a good hitting streak going but there's actually smoke coming out of his pants! He flies out to center fielder Brian Anderson. Hey, my announcer friends are talking about A-Rod going to the DL. THE YANKEES ARE BASEBALL. BASEBALL IS THE YANKEES. Mike Lamb grounds out to first. Nick Punto walks on four pitches. COMPLETELY UNRELATED YOUTUBE LINK FEATURING GERMAN BASKETBALL.

1:44PM: Now the talk has turned to the Devil Rays and Orioles being super awesome. I call SMALL SAMPLE SIZE on the O's but the Rays are ferreal. Carlos Gomez strikes out to end the second inning. Game's still tied 1-1.

1:49PM: Toby Hall is still getting paid to play baseball? Good for him. His efforts are rewarded with a single off Blackburn. Nick Swisher GIDPs to erase the Era of Good Feelings for Toby Hall. Boo! Cabrera flies out to center and the top of the third is FINALLY over after three grueling minutes.

1:55PM: John Gordon has dubbed today's contest a 'pitching duel' which leads me to believe that the Twins will explode for 42 runs in this inning. Let's see how that goes! Masset just head-hunted Brendan Harris. I don't blame him...Brendan Harris is a vicious and nasty cur. Oh, and he struck out swinging at ball four. Cue the trombone wah-wah! Mauer popped up and Sham Morneau reaches with a sham single up the middle.

2:00PM: Masset hits Cuddyer in the back and home plate umpire Tim Timmons is getting all up in that. No warnings have been given but Dan Gladden is righteously indignant about all the head-huntin' and back-hittin'. Runners at first and second with two outs for Jason Kubel. "In Minneapolis did Jason Kubel a stately Metrodome decree." Or something. Kubel works the count full which will set the runners off for...a strikeout. Trombone wah-wah.

2:05PM: Co-blogger Camp Tiger Claw asks "Why are they throwing at each other?" I have no idea, but feel free to wildly speculate in the comment section. Dan Gladden is doing the play-by-play now, which leads me to believe that John Gordon is cuttin' some turds in the ol' water closet. Oh nevermind, there he is. Thome grounded out, Dye struck out, and Carlos Quentin just hit a solo ding-dong. 2-1 ChiSox.

2:06PM: Joe Crede flies out and we're headed to the bottom of the fourth.

2:12PM: Delmon Young starts off with a 3-0 count and decides swinging the bat would be a liability at this point. He's right, and draws a five pitch walk. When you are the first batter of the inning and you get on base with a walk, you deserve to be rewarded. Mike Lamb ignores this and flies out without even advancing the runner. Punto grounds a ball up the middle that glances off Masset's shin; first baseman Nick Swisher fields it in foul territory but it's too late to get Punto out at first.

2:17PM: After a brief injury delay to check out Masset's shin, Carlos Gomez lines a ball over Crede's head to drive in Young and advance Punto to third base. Credit Gomez with a double and an RBI and we're tied up at two runs apiece. Those leadoff walks'll kill ya'. Brendan Harris grounds out but Nick Punto scampers home to put the Twins up 3-2. Those RBI groundouts'll kill ya'.

2:21PM: On a pitch to Mauer, Gomez breaks for third, Toby Hall throws down to Crede at third who bobbles it. Gomez breaks for home, Crede picks up the ball, throws it back home to Hall who blocks the plate and Gomez is... OUT at home! Inning OVER.

2:30PM: Because Hall blocked the plate, Gomez basically slid into nothing. This is why baseball is great: if you field your position well, you can effectively humiliate your opponent while getting him out. Also, why steal third with two outs and Joe Studly Mauer at bat? You were a single away from adding another run to the lead, Mr. Gomez. Brian Anderson strikes out to lead off the fifth and Uribe follows with a double to left. Toby Hall hits one deep to left but Delmon Young has good range and tracks it down for out number two. Swisher singles to right, driving in Uribe...he advances to second on a throw home by Cuddyer. Tie game again. 3-3. Cabrera flies out and the inning is over.

2:32PM: It's the bottom of the fifth, which means it's time for Triple Play Trivia. If the White Sox can successfully turn a triple play in this half inning, the first person to answer my trivia question correctly will get a kiss from Morganna. Today's question: Who was the first Minnesota Twin to throw a no-hitter?

2:37PM: In other news, Matt Thornton is the new pitcher, replacing Masset after just 4 innings of work. Our Nickwash is over. In other other news, Mauer grounds out and puts an end to this Triple Play Trivia nonsense. In even otherer news, if you go to MLB.com, you can watch videos of this game. I just saw Toby Hall block the plate with my own two eyes. Morneau strikes out (sham!) and Cuddyer grounds out to end the inning.

2:44PM: Jim Thome singles to lead off the inning and Jermaine Dye follows up by flying out to left. Quentin grounds out on a nubber to Harris which lets Thome amble down to second safely. Two down. Blackburn gets Crede to strike out which will take us to the bottom of the sixth.

2:52PM: Kubel flies out to start the inning. Delmon Young strikes out and our announcers pity the fact that Mr. Young has zero tater-tots so far this year. He has but 3 doubles and a triple among his 27 hits, so yes, it is time to pity Delmon Young and his weak .323 slugging percentage. Mike Lamb strikes out but takes first base as Toby Hall simply could not handle Thornton's pitch. Punto strikes out and we're headed to inning number seven.

2:55PM: I want to finish this glog about as badly as Hal McRae wants to answer your ridiculous questions:

3:00PM: Anderson singles and moves to second on Uribe's bunt. I endorse THIS sac bunt much more than the one the Twins pulled in the first inning. It's late and times are tough. Toby Hall lines out to Cuddyer who made a diving catch to prevent a run; he almost doubled off Anderson at second. This game is dragging so long I'm about to go grab some rope and pull a Uecker. Swisher walks.

3:05PM: I just reviewed the glog and HOLY SHIT I WROTE A TON OF GARBAGE. Cabrera grounds into a fielders choice and it's the seventh inning stretch!

3:08PM: Haw haw get it? They're twins. Or something. Ehren Wasserman is the new Chisox pitcher...Wasserman...what is that, Greek? Gomez reaches with a bunt single and Wasserman hurts hisself trying to field it. Ugh....another injury time out. Wasserman is okay, but this guy isn't:

3:11PM: Harris sac bunts Gomez over to second and we've just reached our bunt limit for the game. Hey, the Pirates have exploded for some offensive action and they're up 7-0 in the fourth. IF I WAS GLOGGING THAT GAME I'D HAVE STOPPED BY NOW. Boone Logan is the new Chisox pitcher who will face Joe Mauer.

3:17PM: Mauer is rewarded with a 3-0 count but ends up grounding out, advancing Gomez to third with two outs. Justin Morneau breaks his bat on a foul ball. And then he doubles. Gomez scores. Twins lead 4-3. Aw fuck it, glog over.


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38 Comments

Gloggety Gloggety!

I'm going to nick all in my jeans.

There used to be a shitty band in Tallahassee with a keyboard player that looked like Dan Gladden. I once pointed out to my friend that "Dan Gladden was tickling the ivories" and beer came out his nose.

Twins color guys are Gladden, Morris and Blyleven. They could outdrink any other broadcast team in the majors. Hands down.

"Really, there has never been a relationship with Orlando," says Renteria.

If I had a nickel for every time... ah fuck that's depressing.

That was quick.

Thome must have been inspired by Frank Thomas and McCann having triples recently.

"Really, there has never been a relationship..."

And I hear ya found somebody new, and that I never meant that much to you...

Isn't "Sac-Bunted" what that Rangers fan did the other day.

Carlos Gomez has a .245 avg and a .260 OBP.

YES BUT WHAT IS HIS ROAR

If hitting a single is "shitting" on a pitch, I would hate to find out what a HR constitutes. A bukkake/shart mixture being poured on the pitch, perhaps?

The Twins aren't on TV today and they have the day off tomorrow. That means Bert is free to go on a two day bender. The roads in Minneapolis are not safe for the next couple of days.

This glog is making me want a sauerkraut pizza from Red's.

My Clam > Mike Lamb

Which usage is more cliched in baseball writing: "grueling," or "autoerotic"? Discuss using examples from the text.

Toby Hall Munster Hall

I won't stand for this Morneau hate. Ok, fine I dont give a shit.

Why is there headhunting? I don't get it.

Joe Mauer is the best-looking man in baseball. Maybe you should mention that.

if this were a 7pm game it would be called "Nick at Nite"

"Cuttin' Turds" is the most disgusting thing ever written on this site.

Is Punto going to be tossed for hitting Massett?

umm CTC please see Farthammer's comment above

Isn't it still like the first inning?

@futuremrs...
Nick Blackburn looks like an identical twins of Mauer. They could be brothers.

@CTC/FMRA

I disagree with you both. The grossest thing ever written on this site is anything involving Pirates Baseball.

I appreciate the recommendation, bc twins fan... however, closer inspection will reveal that Blackburn lacks both the flawless bone structure and roguish smile that are Mauer's trademark. Plus, the sideburns? Not nearly as badass.

Ummm baseball! HIT A TOUCHDOWN!!!

I agree that his sideburns in his picture aren't very good but the burns that he is sporting right now are better then Mauers. Michael Cuddyer even thinks so.

Walter Johnson threw one when they were in Washington. But the first MINNESOTA Twin to throw a no-hitter was Jack Kralick. Everyone knows that.

Sam The Sham and The Pharaohs > Justin Morneau

I still want a kiss, regardless of the triple play being impossible now.

That's a quality start for one of the Nicks. The good one.

Joe Crede is a cripple.

Grounds out on a nubber? Are you British?

Toby is going to Costa Rica to live

I hate this website.

I was wondering how long it would take Minnesotans to figure out that Carlos Gomez is not the next Ichiro...

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