What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt This Week

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stretcher.JPGI hate when you stub your toe and you're all hopping up and down and making that "hhsssseee" noise through your clenched teeth and your moron roommate/father/boss goes "You ok?" That really pisses me off. I'm trying to concentrate on how much pain I'm in, not trying to answer an obvious question from some doofus. You know who doesn't know the first thing about pain? The porcelain ladybros I've listed below.

Mike Lowell, Red Sox: Mikey Double rolled over on his hand diving for an Ivan Rodriguez ground ball on Wednesday night. He sprained the ligament in his glove thumb. Doctors expect it to be 2-4 weeks before he can get back on the field. It's a notoriously fickle injury. You may remember the same thing happened to David Eckstein and it was weeks before he could suck his thumb while holding Mr. Blankie at bedtime.

Matt Garza & Cliff Floyd, Devil Rays: Garza didn't make it out of the third inning in his last start and is now on the DL with radial nerve irritation. I had heard rumblings about Garza's arm being an iffy proposition when the Rays made the deal with the Twins in the offseason. He's now saying himself that the pain started before the end of last season. Ron Gardenhire put down his can of Busch long enough to deny the claim, and now we've got ourselves a little tiff between the two clubs. Meeeow! Meanwhile, Cliff Floyd is on the DL with "body on strike" a torn meniscus.

Derek Jeter, Yankees: The New York shortstop and loathsome tax cheat hurt his left quadriceps doing something intangible. He hasn't officially been placed on the DL but looks like he may miss the weekend series in Boston. This concludes your tour of AL East MASH Units.

Rich Harden, A's: Harden is so consistent at being hurt all the time. He's like the Tiger Woods of getting hurt. It's not a big sad sack fiasco like Mike Hampton where there's hemming and hawing and freak injuries. Nope, Harden gets injured like a pro. This time it's a strained back muscle. The A's have had 377 back injuries on their team in the past two years and the California Agricultural Commission is recommending they uproot and destroy Eric Chavez before he destroys the rest of the crops.

Jimmy Rollins, Phillies: Dammit J-Roll, we didn't mean your ankle! (canned laughter) (crying) (dropped hoagie) (profane call to talk radio)


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5 Comments

Harden is a dirty canadian fuckstick and needs to be launched into the sun. "Oooh, but Harden has dynamite stuff!" Fuck you Mr. Hypothetical; he pitches in 5 games a year. Who cares if he has great stuff? I am awesome in bed, but I only use the love-rod twice a year so I forgot where I was going with this. Call me, ladies?

Mike LOL has a thumb ouchie? Awww here comes Jed Lowrie!

/removes panties

PUT IN JED LOWRIE!

(that's what she said)

If Rafael Soriano didn't have an inflammed elbow, he'd throw at you for forgetting him.

Excuse me, sir, but they are now called just the "Rays." It's know-it-all blaspheme jerkwads like you who sent poor Clifford and Matthew to the disabled list in the first place.

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