What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt This Week

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stretcher.JPG You know how women can have that surgery that makes their ladyparts all "like new again?" I think that's the real reason the following baseball players are out this week.

  • Eric Byrnes, Diamondbacks: Byrnes is out with "leg issues," which is a moronic ailment fit for a moron. Care to be a little more vague Eric? Did you slap your legs too hard laughing at the new Meow Mix commercial? Did you impale yourself with a screwdriver trying to open a can of Franks n' Beans? I gotta know man!

  • Jermaine Dye, White Sox: Mr. Dye strained his groin. Ouch. That's the one that keeps your dick attached. Teammate Jerry Owens said, "A strain? Who gives a shit? I straight tore my dick attacher and you don't see me crying." Dye had been hitting pretty well, with a .319 avg going into last night.

  • Jake Westbrook, Indians: Jake Westbrook sucks. And when he's not sucking he's hurt. This week it's a strained muscle in his ribcage. Somehow all this sucking and getting hurt doesn't prevent Westbrook from making like $25M between now and 2010. Too bad they can't give any of that money to Sabathia.

  • Carlos Guillen, Tigers: Just as the Tigers offense is beginning to come together, Guillen is out indefinitely with a severely bruised right knee. Jim Leyland (that asshole) says Guillen "can't even walk." Aw shit, I don't have time for this. Quit exaggerating and get Carla some kneepads. You got a team to run, Pall Mall.

  • Milton Bradley & Ian Kinsler, Rangers: Both players are complaining of hamstring soreness making this an open and shut diagnosis. Sexually Transmitted Hamstring Injuries.


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9 Comments

Jermaine and Jerry got hurt trying to live forever...through masturbation.

I am fully confident that Brandon Inge is behind Guillen's knee injury. He probably hired Clay Rapada to be his Gilooly. Seriously, look at Rapadas picture. You tellin' me he's not taking a tire-iron to Guillen's knee for $2700?

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/8056

Byrnes leg realized it was attached a huge tool and it tried to seperate from his body.

We set a non-glogday record for comments in a single day! Go WoWsers!

@ Rob:

Next up, triple digits!

WoW: Where procrastination happens.

YOU SAID WE HAD TO PARTICIPATE

I agree with girl commenter

Carlos Guillen's OPS is exactly 1.000. It's not really relevant but I thought it was kinda funny.

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