Zombie Ernie Banks to Haunt Wrigley Field

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New York Times writer Jack Curry recently chit-chatted with Cub hall-of-famer Ernie Banks for a piece Curry was doing about Jim Thome. All-around nice guy Thome recently passed all-around nice guy Ernie Banks on the all-time home run list, and you can absolutely cut the affability between these two sluggers with a knife. Yuck.

Anyway, Curry mentioned he had seen the poorly proofread Ernie Banks statue outside of Wrigley Field, which led Banks to reply:

    "Isn't that something?" Banks said. Then Banks told me he was hoping to add a cool feature to the display. "I want to do something with it so let me run this by you," Banks said. "I want to try and add my voice to it. This way, when people walk by, they'll hear me say, 'Welcome to the friendly confines of Wrigley Field.' I'm going to talk to the Cubs about it."

Good idea, Ernie, but what are visitors to Chicago supposed to feel after you've passed on from this mortal coil? People get creeped out hearing voices from beyond the grave. ZOMBIE ERNIE BANKS NEEDS BRAINS!

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I love that he's just cooked this idea up himself and the Cubs don't know anything about it yet.

Ernie Banks sitting at home, bored as hell, trying to figure out ways to rig a loop of his voice to motion sensor technology so he may be heard for all of eternity.



I have a feeling Brett Myers' petition to erect a talking statue of himself welcoming women to the local domestic violence shelter will go over less successfully.

(heh... I said "erect")

Should the Cubs ever find themselves playing on Halloween, maybe they could rig Banks' statue with one of those motion-sensored candy bowls. Wouldn't the kids get a kick out of reaching for a Clark Bar, only to have the 12-pound bronze hand of Ernie Banks swat them away!

Hopefully the Cubs go for it, and later this year the Harry Caray statue will be mispronouncing Kosuke Fukkudome's name to the delight of the drunken masses. (Including me.)

I hear the Zombie Carl Pavano statue at New Yankee Stadium is going to be awesome!

Ernie Banks got the idea from that Moose at Wally World.

@ Farthammer: And come October Lou Piniella will be standing inside the gates, telling fans that accidentally wandered in: "Sorry folks, park's closed. The Cub out front shoulda told ya."

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