Baseball Before Bedtime: Death Cab for Cutie

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Here's what happened in baseball while I was slipping, sliding down Highway 31:

Red Sox 7, Royals 0: Jon Lester threw a ton of pitches tonight, 130 in all, but the Royals couldn't put any of those into play safely as Kansas City was no-hit. This was Lester's first ever no-hitter, first ever shutout, and heck...his first ever complete game. Kid will never need to buy another beer ever ever ever in the entire region of New England, but if I ever run into him in...say...Peoria, I'm making him buy his own consarn beer. Jason Varitek, who has now caught four no-hitters (selfish!) added a tater-tot.

Cubs 7, Astros 2: Oh hot damn, Lance Berkman lost his hitting streak. And heck, so did Hunter Pence. Heck, the heart of the Astros' lineup was not getting the job done against Ted Lilly and the Cubs relief corps. Chicago catcher Geovany Soto even hit one of them inside-the-park home runs (that replays proved should have been a regular home run but the higher-ups won't let us have instant replay in baseball, even though I've been arguing in favor of it for years hours). Things went so bad for Houston at home tonight, even old Jim Edmonds collected a web gem on that awkward hill in center field at Minute Maid Park.

Nationals 4, Phillies 0: Don't look now, but Tim Redding is 6-3 with a 3.16 ERA and a celebrity aunt. Redding and his Washington bullpen friends shut out Philadelphia for the second time this year, but Ryan Zimmerman provided the wild glovework at the hot corner to make sure Redding went home happy. Sure, the Phils put up seven hits and two walks but all nine runners were left stranded. Lastings Milledge had the big bases loaded double to provide the offense in this one. Bang, zoom!

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Lester will possess your heart

After Lassie's catch in front of that silly hill I got like 5 text messages and 3 calls - all saying something like "I bet you love Edmonds now!"

No sirs, I do not. In fact, I still hate the fucker. Felix Pie would've taken a good route to the ball and camped under it.

Goddam drama queen.

Also, mmmmmmm... pie.

Why do I feel like this post was written by a grizzled 1890s prospector?

@ FMRA: thanks. Now I won't be able to read these without Walter Brennan's voice narrating.

@matt_T: No, not that Death Cab, this Death Cab.

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