Baseball Before Bedtime: L'Amour et La Morte

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Here's what happened in baseball while pop psychology kept us apart:

Astros 8, Giants 7: Lance "Stained" Berkman is MADE OF MAGIC AND APPLESAUCE. He ripped his league-leading 15th homer into Barry Bonds McCovey Cove, winning the game and sending San Fran reliever Vinnie Chulk to his room without fruit cup. That three-run tater tot was worth like 38 points in Camp Tiger Claw's fantasy league with Will Leitch and some hack comic. Tim Lincecum's ten-strikeout quality start was sullied. Astros lead off hitter Michael Bourn was 0-for-5.

Phillies 5, Braves 0: Walkoff Walk commenter extraordinaire Matt_T instant messaged me earlier in the day to say that Chipper Jones was scratched, and that he recommended placing a wager on the Phillies to win this game. WELL MATT I HAVE GOOD NEWS. I phoned my bookie and I got 500-1 odds that Cole Hamels would pitch his first career shutout against the depleted Atlanta lineup (Ruben Gotay! Omar Infante! Mark Kotsay!) AND IT HAPPENED AND IT ONLY TOOK 120 PITCHES. Sell high, Cole Hamels fantasy owners...that arm won't stay on forever. By the way, my wager was $0 so I made a total of $0.

Diamondbacks 5, Rockies 0 (6): Dudes and dudettes I cannot stay up all night to follow this game but let me just say that Brandon Webb is dealing at Chase Field. Six innings pitched, two hits, zero walks, zero runs, seven strikeouts, ten groundball outs and just 73 pitches. How can you not love this man? P.S. Stephen Drew is 4-for-4 and a homer shy of the cycle. Yowsa!

UPDATE: D-Backs win, 8-5. Brandon Webb is 9-0.

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Time for interleague play, and that scintillating rivalry between the Indians and The Reds.

/honestly doesn't give a crap about Cincinnatti or the rest of Kentucky.

Don't spend all of that $0 in one place.

After reading the Giants/Astros box score, I pulled up Chulk's profile and punched the monitor.

Know why Cole pitched so well last night?


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