Here's what happened in baseball while I heard the people who lived on the ceiling:
Phillies 1, Nationals 0: Cole Hamels and Jason Bergmann dueled for seven scoreless innings before retiring to the clubhouse for Pepsi and Nilla Wafers. They were tired, y'all! So the game was put into the able hands of their respective bullpens, but it was the Nationals bullpen that proved most distracted. Jon Rauch must have had his head in other places when he gave up a pinch-hit RBI single to Greg Dobbs in the eighth inning, the first Phillies run since gas cost like two dollar ninety-nine. Brad Lidge got the save despite allowing two walks and two stolen bases.
Tigers 12, Mariners 8: What would be the cure for what ailed the Detroit Tigers? What else, but the Seattle Mariners! Justin Verlander doubled his win total for the year, the offense hit four ding-dongs, and manager Jim Leyland smoked seventeen packs of cigarettes before the seventh inning stretch. Abbondanza! Tony Danza! Celebration all around in Detroit! The Big Tilde had a tater tot!
Marlins 3, Diamondbacks 2: I called this one wrong. Whoops! Former Diamondbacks prospect Dan Uggla hit the game-winning tater tot for the Marlins. Oh, that wild Rule 5 Draft strikes again! Micah Owings pitched well, amassing 10 strikeouts but it was that one home run that bit him in the ass. Mark Hendrickson pitched the minimum five innings required to earn the win, but reliever Kevin Gregg deserves the lions share of praise. He struck out three D-Backs in an inning and two-thirds to earn his eighth save.
Orioles 12, Yankees 2: PREPARE THE GNASHING OF TEETH AND RENDING OF GARMENTS. DEREK JETER HURT HIS LEFT HAND!