Chuck Armstrong Spins Better Than Your Momma's Washing Machine

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The Seattle Mariners have fallen on hard times. Picked by many to contend in the American League West this season (not me...I picked them last) they're currently living in the basement, one game behind the godawful Texas Rangers. There's no single problem that stands out with this team, they basically suck at everything. Here's how they rank in the American League: 14th in on base percentage, 10th in slugging, 9th in ERA, 10th in fewest walks allowed. They're barely scoring 4 runs per game and playing a pretty crappy defense.

Worst of all, though...they can't get people to show up for home games. The once popular M's are just 8th in AL attendance, mostly surprising based on how beautiful Safeco Field is. I mean, cmon! They've got a train! And Dave Niehaus! Dave Niehaus loves trains!

On Tuesday night, they barely got 15,000 people, the lowest total in Safeco history. Club president Chuck Armstrong is non-plussed, though, and spins it thusly:

"No matter who we're playing, it seems like there's so much other stuff going on in May -- kids' soccer games, youth baseball, school getting out," Armstrong said. "It's been my experience that we draw better in April than we do during May."

Oh my, you are certainly the corporate spinmeister, Chuck. Next quote:

"Sometimes these things happen. Detroit has the exact same record as we do. I expect at the end we both will have better records. I hope we end in first place in the American League West."

The Tigers are on their way up the standings; yes, they're in last, but they're 3.5 games behind the first place Twins. The Mariners are seven and a half games behind both the Oakland A's and the Los Angeles Angels. At least manager John McLaren's job is safe. I hope he doesn't get that dreaded vote of confidence from Armstrong! Uh oh.


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5 Comments

IT IS OBVIOUS AND EVIDENT TO ME THAT TRADING FOR ONE VERY COMPETENT PITCHER IS SUFFICIENT TO TURN AROUND THE FORTUNES OF AN ENTIRE FRANCHISE; HENCE I MUST SURMISE THAT YOUR POST IS BOTH INACCURATE AND BIASED GOOD SIR

Can't get anyone to show up for home games? Who do they think they are, the A's?

You know things are bad when Ichiro asks to be traded to Cleveland.

Who doesn't want to flee for the Cleve?

Perhaps they can have a "Groped by Buhner" promotion, where all kids 12 and under get a comical ass-pinch from the bald one himself.

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