Cowardly Canseco Predictably Ducking Me

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canseco.jpgOur buddy Brooks relays the news that Jose Canseco has chosen an opponent for his fight in Atlantic City. He'll be taking on former NFL Player Vai Sikahema who appears to be old as shit. WEAK. From the Philly Daily News:

"I imagine the reception will be mixed," Canseco told me. "But the curiosity factor is going to be incredible. Whether people want to see someone kick my butt, or me kick someone else's butt, I guarantee there will be interest."

Maybe even enough interest for Feldman and Canseco to launch a nationwide tour and draw attention from network-TV types who are always looking for reality programming.

Canseco, to be sure, looks the part of someone most would-be opponents might want to avoid. At 6-4 and 245 pounds, he's only 5 pounds above his 1988 playing weight. He still has guns for forearms, too, although he insists he's off the juice. He credits his Adonis physique to 20-plus years in martial arts, during which he claims to have earned black belts in kung-fu, taekwondo and Muay Thai.

Listen Canseco, you can duck me for now. You can pretend like a pro athlete is a better match for you than I am, but me and all the little Tigermaniacs know the truth. You're scared. When you feel like stepping to the plate and facing the quiet fury of a kinda in shape guy comfortably tucked behind a desk, then you know who to call. My number is still the same: 555-FIST.

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Muay Thai has kick-ass curries, but their service could not be slower.

Oh, and nice hat, CTC.

Muay Thai's most famous champion? Sagat.

Sagat's most famous move? TIGER Uppercut.

TIGER Uppercut, Camp TIGER Claw? See where I am going with this one?

Me neither, but you totally would have Tiger uppercutted Canseco's face.

Where the fuck are you getting "kinda in shape"? I don't think "blob" counts as a shape.

Farthammer, SFII references are so hip right now they're nearly unhip... nearly. Personally, I'm a fan of Guile's Sonic Boom and Jean-Claude Van Damm's shitty portrayal of Guile in the SF movie.

In other news, my good friend's dad was the camera man that filmed the side view of Canseco's header over the right field wall. Therefore, I consider said father a minor celebrity.


Sagat didn't do fuckin Muay Thai, he did Tiger style kickboxing or some lame shit like that.

Blanca would have been the Muay Thai champion, being a green, electrically charged monster from Brazil and all.

Similarly, CTC much more closely resembles Blanca than he does Sagat, in terms of appearance and overall demeanor.

I'll love it when Vai kicks his ass.

Jiegel, don't debate nerdy subjects with a nerd like myself. Sagat did muay thai. Blanka was credited with Capoeira.

I'll readily accept everyone's scorn for typing those previous 3 sentences.

In other news, Linkpunch is up.

Don't you still walk with a cane?

I'm throwing down the gauntlet, too. I challenge canseco to a live shrimp eating contest. Bring it, roid boy!

555-FIST sounds like a fetish hotline number

you might want to think about changing your number before you start getting bombarded with unwanted calls from guys like me

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