In Memoriam: Teams That Were Dead By Memorial Day

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dead kid.jpgI hope you all had a good Memorial Day and that you still have most of your teeth. The holiday was a great chance to reflect on the cost of war, the cost of gas and how much you didn't want to go back to work. It's also a good time to start crossing off teams that have absolutely no shot at salvaging their season. On to the list of the deceased:

  • Seattle Mariners: John McLaren's boys have been epically futile thus far. 5-20 in their latst 25 futile. The team can't do anything right. They can't get on base, coming second to last in the majors in .OBP at .309. Pitching was thought to be the team's strong point but they have the worst team ERA in baseballl at 4.96. That combination is how you lose lots and lots of ballgames my friend. Oh yeah, they also suck at fielding. No relief in sight for Geoff Baker.

  • Washington Nationals: The Nationals are hitting .233. Tied for worst in the majors with the Indians. Injuries have also been a concern and they're treading water with the 4th worst winning percentage in the NL. Manny Acta is looking to right the ship by... campaigning for Tim Redding to make the All-Star team?

  • Kansas City Royals: This one upsets me. I expected better from the Royals this year. They having a ton of problems at the plate, dragging around a .314 OBP. Jose Guillen, Billy Butler and Alex Gordon have combined for all of 12 HRs. They've lost 9 of their last ten and as the AL Central continues to eat it's own they've got too many teams to jump.

  • Cincinnati Reds: Et tu Dusty? This was the most borderline team on my list. I may be a couple weeks early on the death knell, but let's look at some numbers. Volquez and Harang are proving to be valuable starters, but outside of those two the rest of the rotation has an ERA over 7 and the team ERA as a whole is 4.54, firmly in the bottom quarter of baseball. At the plate, they struggle to drive in runners in scoring position. The biggest hurdle to overcome may just be the competition in the division. St. Louis is playing better than expected, and you have to think that if Milwaukee can pull anything together (see, firing their manager) they could put a run together.

  • San Francisco Giants, Colorado Rockies, San Diego Padres: These teams are a combined 59-95. That's palindromic lousiness! It's rare for this much suck to amass in such a cluster. Well, rare that it's not at the bottom of the AL East. Injuries have mounted for all 3 clubs, especially the Rockies. They are 3 out of the 4 worst hitting teams in baseball with RISP. In the case of the Giants and the Padres, 28th and 29th respectively in runs scored, this could just be a case of small sample size.

  • On Life Support: Blue Jays, Tigers, Pirates, Ned Yost, Willie Randolph

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Things have gotten so bad in San Diego, they even had the first rain delay in Petco history over the weekend. That's Charlie Brown-level shittiness.

The Mariners should get bonus points for their $117 million payroll.

I'm just glad Colorado and San Diego decided to keep the Giants company in the basement.
Truly a trifeca of terribleness.

The Orioles should have been on this list. Yes, the team that is ahead of the Yankees in the standings.

Forget the Orioles, the Yankees should have been on this list.

I hear that, I Hear That, Renegade!, you renegade.


Probably should have had them at least on life support.

Suck on the Oakland Broomstick.

Isn't that more of a San Francisco thing, F-hammer?

Ow Farthammer I did what you said and now I have a splinter.

I, for one, welcome our new Tampa Ray overlords.

Interesting that the Blue Jays, three games over .500 and 3.5 out of the wildcard are on life support. Must be their pitching staff, the best in baseball, that is holding them back.

No, Lloyd. It's their absolute inadequacy at, you know, scoring runs.

Here are the bottom ten in runs scored in baseball. You could make a case for any of them being on the list:

New York Yankees
Colorado Rockies
Seattle Mariners
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Cleveland Indians
Washington Nationals
San Francisco Giants
San Diego Padres
Kansas City Royals

The Jays score more than they give up. Isn't that the point of the game?

@ Lloyd

No, you play to win the game. That's what you do, you play to win the game.

//Whoops, wrong sport

Yes but we don't like them, so we ignore statistics and whatnot, and instead have decided to shit on them.

Actually, the Jays' Pythagorean wins-losses record is 28-25, which is exactly their actual record on the season so far. Hence, they're exactly where they should be... holding solid at a couple of games above .500, but in 4th place behind 3 teams who are all outperforming them.

Now play nice!


You forgot the Oakland Raiders.

The Jays staff are who we thought they were...

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