Kenji Johjima Not Hitting; Afflicted With Paranoid Mania and Possibly ADHD

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SadGuy.jpgIt is not news that many people people in Seattle are depressed. With the way the Mariners have played so far this season the number of afflicted is growing, and now unfortunately it may be spreading to the team itself. It seems as if M's catcher Kenji Johjima has caught the ol' Paranoid Mania bug and according to Mariners PR Guy blogger Geoff Baker is TOTALLY FREAKING OUT MAN:

But (Jeff) Clement will be in there as well. He'll be the starting catcher the next two days as fading Kenji Johjima, hitting just .177, takes a seat. The manager wants him to relax.

"He's fighting himself so bad right now,'' manager John McLaren said.

Try selling Johjima on that. He's anything but relaxed and getting more worried by the second.

"He told me to relax but I'm not going to relax,'' Johjima said moments ago, through an interpreter. "Just because I'm taking two days off, it's not going to mean that for sure I'll do well on the third day.''

After that quote Kenji had 2 pots of coffee then a fistful of ludes to balance out. One cannot blame him for starting to get a little antsy about his slump. Jeff Clement is the best prospect in the entire Seattle system and he happens to play catcher. There's definite pressure there, but Kenji needs to stay in control.

There is a 100% chance that my amateur diagnosis is correct, so I suggest that he be medicated and sequestered until he cools out. Or maybe he can sit down and have a talk with Scott Rolen about overcoming your demons.

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10 Comments

Aww he just misses Hello Kitty.

Is valium a banned substance?

people people?

We gotta get over, before we go under!

/funky president

This is all just a guise so that he doesn't have to admit to the public that his troubles are actually stemming from a sever case of "Poopy Tummy".

Or severe. Whatever. The point is that PT is a disease that can change us all.

This one time I smoked a whole ounce of kenji johjima after class. I was totally paranoid about hitting .177 too. Then Ichiro, Richie Sexson and I practiced tai chi until I calmed down.

god he is cute

Just throw a hadouken at the next fastball and consider the slump busted.

I'm pretty sure that is a picture of me at 14.
Probably with some Cure playing in the background.

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