Watch Out, AL Hitters! Here Comes Erik Bedard!

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The Seattle Mariners season started last night. Major offseason acquisition Erik Bedard had his first impressive start against a quality team as he hurled seven quality innings of 2-hit, 3-walk, and 8-strikeout ball against the vaunted Boston Red Sox offense. Bedard threw 69 of his 109 pitches for strikes and got the win thanks to a solo ding-dong from Mariner shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt.

Get excited Mariners fans! Get excited because even though your team's record is 20-34, you can still win 128 games this season! Only if Bedard pitches every game like he did last night, Betancourt turns into the new A-Rod, and you dig up the corpse of Norm Charlton to steady a shaky bullpen.

Let's check in on emo Seattle beat writer and headline-creator extraordinaire Geoff Baker to see how he's celebrating:

"But the season doesn't start in June. If this was the final week of spring training, these M's would be poised and ready to live up to their hype as the season neared. But it's May 28. All they can do now is hope the newer hype about how bad they've really been so far enables them to catch teams off guard. To sneak up on opponents the way they did in 2007. To make this disaster of a 2008 season a little more palatable in the won-lost column. And to learn something going forward. Maybe give the folks running the show a little better idea of what needs to be fixed. Their timing would be the first thing on the repair list."

Oh Christ. I can actually hear the Elliott Smith album playing in the background of Baker's hip one-bedroom loft in Belltown.

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When the West Coast sinks into the sea the Red Sox will be stoked.

What does this have to do with Scott Rolen?

What does this have to do with Scott Rolen??

Fellow writers knew something was up when Baker showed up at the ballpark wearing the same Cure t-shirt 3 days in a row.

I think this is the first time in history that anyone ever suggested Norm Charlton could "steady a shaky bullpen."

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