I'm re-reading Fast Food Nation and I just got through the chapter about Kenny, the guy that worked in meatpacking for 16 years and his litany of injuries. Broken back, severed fingers, chlorine poisoning heart attacks. Guy went to work everyday, then was fired one day while in the hospital. YOU SHOULD READ THAT BOOK, WIMPY MAJOR LEAGUERS.
- Frank Thomas, A's: Thomas is on the DL after hurting his quadricep legging out a double. Wow, no wonder he got injured! What a high risk maneuver. He really shouldn't be putting himself in harm's way like that. BIG HURT INDEED GUFFAW GUFFAW.
- Fausto Carmona, Indians: Carmona is expected to miss four weeks after getting his dick caught in a vice. Oh wait I read that wrong. He has a left hip strain. According to the Indians trainer, the injury is uncommon for starting pitchers and Carmona's "maximum-effort pitching style might have contributed toward the injury." Rawk.
- Troy Percival, Rays: As his wife has told me many times, "Troy is just getting old and some stuff doesn't work like it used to. Now rub this cocoa butter on my back, my bra has been chafing." His comeback story hit a minor bumb when he landed on the DL this week with a hamstring strain. But hey, the Rays are a juggernaut now and can deal with this sort of thing no problem.
- Eric Gagne, Brewers: Gags has shoulder tendinitis. Doctor's believe it was developed when Ned Yost broke into his house and hit him repeatedly on the arm with a tire iron.
- Gary Sheffield, Tigers: Apparently you can't get cortisone shots in your stomach, because Sheff just hit the DL with oblique spasms. That's one of the craziest sounding injuries I've read about since writing this column. Sounds painful but also sounds like it would make him a good dancer. Like he's just standing there and then his obliques start spasming and suddenly he's doing the cha-cha.