What's Up Creampuff: Dudes That Got Hurt

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stretcher.JPGAlmost two months into the season, I guess we can start forgiving these guys for some of the wear and tear on their bodies, right? No way. They're weak and are a drag on the whole species.

  • J.D. Drew, Clay Buchholz, Red Sox: Well, except for J.D. I gotta give him a pass. He looks like a nice guy that went to a great university. He hyperextended his wrist sliding for a catch in right. What a hustler. He's not expected to go on the DL. On the other hand there's Buchholz who was placed on the DL the day after a lousy start in Minnesota. The culprit? A torn fingernail. Your Korean manicurist get a little overzealous this week, Clay? You disgust me.

  • Jeff Keppinger, Reds: Keppinger broke his knee cap and looks to be out 4-6 weeks. He fouled a ball off of it and it shattered like a fortune cookie. He stayed in for two more innings until tears could be seen streaming down his cheeks. This gives Dusty Baker the opportunity shuffle around the lineup and put in some more old Cubs. Keppinger will most likely be replaced by Shawon Dunston.

  • David Riske, Brewers: Riske was put on the 15 Day DL with a hyperextended right elbow. You don't see JD Drew going on the shelf for that weak sauce, do you? No. He's tough as nails. I hope Riske's injury doesn't throw a wrench in the fine tuned machine that is the Milwaukee bullpen.

  • Rafael Furcal, Dodgers: Furcal is having by far his best season in LA, but it's on hold for a little while. He was having lower back problems. He got a cortisone shot yesterday and said it "hit the spot." Sounds refreshing. Can I get one of those?

  • Nick Johnson, Nationals: Johnson is on the 15 Day DL for tearing his right tendon sheath. What the hell? Isn't that what the sheath is for? To take hits for the tendon? Wuss. Anyway, the Circle Of Life keeps working it's magic. Dmitiri Young is coming OFF the DL. Whee!

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Why, oh why, couldn't Lassie Edmonds be on this list?


No, no love for Chipper Jones, Iracane, because only our dads love Larry Wayne Jones Jr., and our dads are not commenting on the WoW.

p.s. I thought of you guys last night at kickball--bottom of the fifth inning, the pitcher had loaded the bases with a walk, and for a brief, shining moment, I thought, "I wonder if CTC and Iracane will post the 'shrimp on a treadmill' video if we win our kickball game with a walkoff walk."

I can't wait to post that fucking shrimp video again.

HEY I LOVE CHIPPER. And I'm not a father.

And plus, he's back tonight.

Who ever gets walked in kickball?

The same assholes who take pitches in softball.

Who are the same assholes that don't drink whilst playing softball.


who also wear more sweatbands than Dusty Baker

They're just clogging the bases, right Softball Coach Version of Dusty?

"This gives Dusty Baker the opportunity shuffle around the lineup and put in some more old Cubs".... whose body parts will probably fall off.

Bwahahahahahaha! Come on Tribune. Bring back Dusty for comic value. We can't have the Little Bears from the North Side playing competent ball.

[raises hand] I got walked in kickball last night, Rob. What can I say? Pitchers fear my power. I also played second and made a putout, and polished off two beers during the game.

Goddamn, I love kickball.

Kickball playing hipsters...

Nothing wrong with walking in softball, if the pitches are in the dirt, but don't take a borderline pitch and look for the ump to bail you out.

I had no idea Clare was in the 6th grade.

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