Baseball Before Bedtime: Eye of Fatima

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Here's what happened in baseball with 15 nickels of cocaine tied up in a sack

Marlins 6, Phillies 2: Yes, Cole Hamels was dominant, collecting 13 strikeouts and allowing just 3 hits, but two of those hits were tater tots by sassy senior Jorge Cantu, so don't shed no tears for Young King Cole. Tom Gordon pissed the game away for the Phils by loading the bases in the ninth before giving up the walkoff king dong to Dan Uggla. Kevin Gregg picked up the win despite blowing his fourth save when Chase Utley beat out an RBI infield single in the top half of the ninth.

Mets 5, Diamondbacks 3 (13): Lucky for Billy Wagner! His blown save will not hurt the Mets tonight. Wagner gave up the game-tying three run ding dong to Mark Reynolds mere seconds after Reynolds claimed he got hit in the foot by an errant breaking ball. Home plate umpire Jeff Nelson said no, the at-bat continued, and Reynolds sent the game into extra innings. Carlos Beltran got Wagner off the hook by sending an Edgar Gonzalez pitch deeeeeeep over the right field fence at Shea in the 13th. That's a walkoff!

Tigers 5, White Sox 1: Justin Verlander pitched a four-hit complete game victory over the AL Central leading White Sox and brought the Tigers to the brink of a sweep. Heck, this was just Verlander's third win on the season but he might be the ace of the staff with Bonderman on the DL, Dontrelle in Lakeland, and Kenny Rogers with his hamfists directly up his ass. Still time for the Tigers to turn this season around, ya know, especially when the rest of the AL Central has the offensive efficiency of a bunch of dead retarded squirrels.


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10 Comments

I saw Camoer Van Beethoven play when I was in High School, and I'm still not sure if I like them.

Kenny Rogers with his hamfists directly up his ass.

That explains the 'sticky substance' on his hands.

Ozzie rant to commence in 3.. 2... 1...


Off topic - do any of you old schoolers, like me, who still use IE have issues with this site? (I'll never use Firefox.... NEVER, I said!)

I have to use IE at work and occasionally it won't show new posts or comments.

It stems from when I called Bill Gates a cunt in one of our first posts.

Yeah sorry about that IE thing. We're working on it.

It was nice of the Tigers to finally score some runs when Verlander pitched.

Kenny Rogers hamfists are also the primary source of nutrition of Miguel Cabrera.

It's true, Miggy ate up all of Kenny's hamfists up. Washed them down with Dontrelle's tater chips. Dontrelle's sucking was just a way to scam a free flight back to Florida in search of another bag. Let's just say Dontrelle knows a guy who knows a guy who has been told not to leave the state.

I EAT YOUR HAMFISTS...

DIAF, Dan Uggla. There's only room for one hunky power-hitting second baseman whose last name starts with U in the NL, and he plays for the Phillies.

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