Blue Jays 7, Reds 1: Super-scintillating sensation Edinson Volquez finally got his comeuppance at the hands of the Newly! Improved! Blue Jays. Volquez was tagged for seven runs on six hits and three walks over four and a third innings; his own throwing error to recently-activated-from-the-DL shortstop Jerry Hairston led to two unearned runs. Still, even with an emo Scott Rolen tater tot allowed, Volquez' ERA is a tidy 2.08. Not bad, Ed.
Twins 4, Padres 3: Minnesota overcame its second 3-0 deficit in two days to complete the sweep of lowly San Diego. The Twinkies are hot hot hot, having won nine straight (sorry Nationals, Diamondbacks, and Padres) and remain just a half game behind division-leading Chicargo. Justin Morneau had the big bat as evident by his two-run ding dong that got the Twins on the board in the fourth and his RBI single added as an afterthought in the fifth. A GAME-TYING AFTERTHOUGHT. Morneau is best-remembered for (WILDLY UNDESERVEDLY) winning the 2006 AL MVP.
Yankees 3, Pirates 1 (PPD, rain): Who are the ad wizards who never let the Yankees play afternoon games on getaway days? Eff you, Pittsburgh. That Primanti sandwich tastes like cow asshole.
Astros 7, Rangers 2: Houston choked out Texas. ZING! CHACON JOKE
The Hold Steady: Choking on their own fame and dead on arrival. Fuck. -CTC