Baseball Before Bedtime: Poisonous Darts

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sleepingcats.jpgHere's what happened in baseball while you were going through mad phases, all ages.

Brewers 4, Braves 3: The Brewers had their fans sweating butter as Salomon Torres gave up a two run Mark Teixeira ding dong in the bottom of the 9th, but the Braves came up juuuuust short. But, if you believe the Sausage King it was never in doubt. "Even with (McCann's) hit, I was back in control. I was able to settle down. ... After (Teixeira's homer), I was able to be the Salomon you all know and love" he said. Too true, man. Too true. Dave Bush pitched 7 strong for the win.

Cardinals 8, Tigers 4: The Cardinals knocked around Kenny Rogers, and Braden Looper accomplished the rare feat of scattering 3 home runs. Brian Barton, Skip Schumaker and Brendan Ryan each had a pair of RBI for the Red Birds. Don't you hate these big market clubs stocked with superstars?

Pirates 12, Yankees 5: Bill Mazeroski rubbed his ass on every bat in the Pirates dugout and the lineup exploded for 7 runs on 10 hits against Yanks starter Darrell Rasner. The first part of that sentence is patently untrue. Jose Batista and Ryan Doumit both went yardo.

Rays 6, Marlins 4: Marlins reliever Joe Nelson walked in two Rays in the top of the 8th to put them ahead. It's not a walkoff walk but IT AINT VERY GOOD, JOE. Troy Percival also walked FOUR Marlins in the 9th and though he hung on for the save he proved that SHITTY RELIEF PITCHING MAKES ME TYPE IN CAPS.

Red Sox 5, Snakes 4: On Jerry Remy Day Arizona spent nearly the entire game in the drivers seat. Doug Davis turned in a stellar 7 innings before running into a little trouble and being pulled. Chad Qualls let both inherited runners score, including gaving up a game tying double to Mike Lowell and a go ahead single to Jason Varitek. It was Tek's first big hit in 27,800 ABs.

Mariners 12, Mets 0: The futility torch is getting passed. Unfortunately for Geoff Baker, he is the torch. After losing two games to the worst team in baseball by a combined 16-2, it was announced that MLB is forcing Baker to become the official blogger of the New York Mets. Only he can bring the dread this team deserves. Knuckleballer R.A. Dickey went 7 scoreless (obviously) for the win. FIRE JERRY MANUEL. HIRE DAVEY JOHNSON.

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12 Comments

I like the part where you credited the Mariners for an extra run.

TAKE THAT, KEITH HERNANDEZ

I was sweating butter clarified with Bud Light. Delicious!

I watched a 99 year old Omar Vizquel make a beautiful snatch and turn yet another double play last night. Flipping over to check in on the Yankees I got there just in time to see Jeter miss what should have been an easy grab. Guy has less range than an Escalade on a quarter tank of gas.

I was able to be the Salomon you all know and love

So he covered himself in a teriyaki glaze with a side of steamed broccoli?

Wow it seems as though every AL team won last night. Oh, except the yankees. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER, PITTSBURGH! WE HAD A DEAL

Does Cleveland have a restraining order on you or something? Or do you ignore the Tribe just to vex me?

You'll hear about the tribe as soon as they play an NL East team

Watching that Mets game from three rows behind the Mariners dugout, then right behind after the four old guys in front of us left in the 6th, was like the snail mating scene in Microcosmos: beautiful and disgusting at the same time.

stupid sexy Freddy Dolsi...

You'll hear about the tribe as soon as they play an NL East team

Or as soon as they exhibit one compelling trait besides Ben Francisco and having the most secretly bad manager in baseball.

At least the Mets and Mariners are epically shitty.

Re: Omar Vizquel. That old fucker can still shake a leg.

I'm repeating myself!@@!

Chad Qualls was disappointed that Jerry Remy Day did not mean "Free moustache rides for all."

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