Cardinals Win Battle, Lose Thermonuclear War

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The most talked-about calf in St. Louis these days isn't tomorrow night's veal marsala at Giovanni's on the Hill. No, it belongs on the left leg of Albert Pujols. The Cardinals all-star first baseman strained his left calf while running out a grounder in the seventh inning of a 7-2 win over the Reds. He aggravated an injury that he suffered last Tuesday in a game against the Nats.

Poor kid had to be helped off the field by his teammates! Pujols contributed a tater tot in the win, but Cards fans everywhere worry for the future. Says GM John Mozeliak: "Based on what I saw - and I'm not a doctor - it was pretty bad." Oh you're not a doctor? Thanks for clearing that up.

Pujols is likely headed to the disabled list where he'll join ten St. Louis pitchers recuperating their various ouchies:

  • Adam Wainwright: Sprained right middle finger
  • Kelvin Jiménez: Bruised right hand
  • Joel Piñeiro: Right groin strain (kid's got two groins? hot)
  • Jason Isringhausen: Sucks
  • Brad Thompson: Right elbow inflammation
  • Chris Carpenter: Recovery from right elbow surgery
  • Matt Clement: Recovery from sprained goatee
  • Mark Mulder: SARS
  • Tyler Johnson: Left rotator surgery
  • Josh Kinney: West Nile virus

Hey, at least he'll have his choice of gents to throw him batting practice.

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He's not a doctor but I think he is the singer for Red House Painters.


@CTC, so THAT's where you came up with the idea for Pau Gasol's "sprained beard." FRAUD

NO! That was original. I didn't see this piece till now, you jew bastard.

One is named Li'l Joel, the other is named El Pineirito.

Maybe if Wainwright could control his road rage that injury wouldn't happen

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