Constantly Risking Absurdity: Today's Afternoon Games

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busy-day.jpgJesus, there are 8 games today.

  • 12:35, Nats at Pirates: Hey the Pirates are only two games below .500! The rubber match of the series pits Jason Bergmann against Tom Gorzelanny. Washington has lost 9 of 11, the Bucs have won 4 of 5.

  • 1:05, White Sox at Tigers: To the broom closet! It's Mark Buerhle vs. Kenny "Ham Fists Up My Ass" Rogers. Detroit hasn't had a 3 game winning streak since 5/20-5/22 and hasn't swept the White Sox since '03. Hamfists has been on a tear lately with a 1.29 ERA in his last 3 starts.

  • 1:10, Snakes at Mets: Johan Santana and Dan Haren face off for the second time in a month in the rubber tree of this 3 game jungle. After last night's loss the Snakes are now 7-15 in their last 22. Everyone knows the most accurate barometer of a team's performance is their last 22 games.

  • 2:05, Brewers at Astros: More rubber. The Crew had 5 funny bones last night, and today it's up to Brian Moehler to keep them in the yard. Coincidentally, Rob has a dentist appointment today. Ben Sheets goes for Millie-wah-kay.

  • 2:10, Rangers at Royals: Texas goes for the sweep in a series that's turned into a bigger tearjerker than Dead Man Walking. Eric Hurley takes on Brian Bannister, neither of whom have the moral toughness to quit heroin.

  • 2:20, Braves at Cubs: I'm starting to think the Braves aren't cut out for this 2008 NL Race. They're in position to get swept by the Cubs. They'll send out their ace Tim Hudson to try and counter Carlos Zambrano and his sick stuff. Zambrano looks to bounce back from his worst start of the season, and the team as a whole looks to bounce back from Fonzy Soriano's 'sploded hand.

  • 3:05, Giants at Rockies: The Yahoo! preview calls this Rockies squad "resurgent." I don't think sweeping this Giants team at home is that surgetastic, but I'm sure John McCain would disagree. Jonathan Sanchez takes on Greg Reynolds. Good seats still available.

  • 3:35, Dodgers at Padres: Hideki Kuroda was filthy in his last start, and I'm not talking about the schoolgirl panties in his back pocket. He'll try and keep the magic going today against Jake Peavy in the rubber match of the series. The Dodgers sit just 3 1/2 back from the Snakes in the NL West.

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18 Comments

The Cubs are not a "hole". You, sir, are a "hole"!

Rubber Trees vs. Broom Closets: Who ya got?

I used to drink Surge all the time. It was like Mountain Dew mixed with Sprite mixed with pure black tar heroin.

@Farthammer.

They had about 6 Surge machines in my high school, then balmed ME when I tried to fight all those cops.

SNAKES DON'T HAVE EARS

Surge is on the banned substances list for MLB. Its cocaine in a can baby.

@CTC,

Did they use Carmex or Chapstick?

The '86 Mets have expressed interest in Matt_T's thoughts on Surge and would like to subscribe to his "Surge Aficionado" newsletter.

I can haz a filling. Ouch.

4-0 Pittsburgh already. The Nationals need to be relegated back to Canadia.

SNAKES DON'T HAVE EARS

2 run Ding dong for Frenchy. He must be really excited about chik fil a

Time for the Todd Jones Experience to blow up a pitching duel

...and a double on the first pitch

@Jerkwheat

Todd is never boring, that's for sure.

Walkoff ding dong
Miguel Cabrera
Tigers sweep Chisox

And the Todd Jones Experience picks up the win.

TATER CHIPS FOR ALL!!!

Any connection to Miggy having two good games after Dontelle gets his ass busted down to Lakeland? Perhaps! Yet unlikely!

Wagner is about to blow a nother one

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