Put your pants on, friend. There's a heckuva lotta afternoon affairs to tend to!
Dodgers (Eric Stults) at Reds (Aaron Harang), 12:35: Dodgers seek a rare sweep with that guy from all the Cameron Crowe films. Maybe the Reds will score more than one run today.
Padres (Josh Banks) at Yankees (Joba Chamberlain), 1:05: Yankees go for the jugular with a man who is finally allowed to throw 100 pitches in a game. Padres counter with someone named Josh Banks.
Nationals (Shawn Hill) at Twins (Glen Perkins), 1:10: Minnesoter goes for the easy sweep and attempt to get back above .500. Nationals just trying to field nine warm bodies at this point. Well, eight warm bodies and Aaron Boone's corpse.
Pirates (Phil Dumatrait) at White Sox (Gavin Floyd), 2:05: Jesus, are there any afternoon games where teams AREN'T going for a sweep? The Chisox have been absolutely pummeling the Bucs and with Floyd on the mound, it won't end here.
Braves (Charlie Morton) at Rangers (Scott Feldman), 2:05: Ah, a rubber game! Charlie Morton's second major league start might be tough against the offensive-minded Rangers. Winner gets a .500 record.
Blue Jays (A.J. Burnett) at Brewers (David Bush), 2:05: Milwaukee seeks its sweep against Burnett, who wishes he was facing the Brewers in a Cub uniform instead.
Royals (Zack Greinke) at Cardinals (Brad Thompson), 2:15: The Cardinals have lost two straight one-run, low-scoring games to the Royals, and attempt to end the streak against Greinke, who has a 7.04 career ERA against the Redbirds.
A's (Greg Smith) at Diamondbacks (Doug Davis), 3:40: One more rubber game as each team has blown out the other over the past two days. That sounds filthy. Doug Davis had cancer, y'all.